Here I go

[LostButFound]

I've been rooting around this site for a few months. I was not ready to share my story until now. I'm hoping that means progress.
I'm a 47 yr old woman who works full time and have a boyfriend (and pets!).
I come not only from a long line of heavy drinkers but also a type of lower middle class neighborhood of drinkers.
Both my maternal and paternal American / western european rooted family had some heavy hitters. My entire childhood my father drank, my mother didn't. They would have all out wars, screaming, etc. One of my best friends 2 doors over had the exact same experience. When we played house it wasn't the type you'd imagine; ours would be mimicing the fights, threats, hate and throwing things around. We thought that was normal.
My dads mother and grandfather were very heavy drinkers.
My mothers sisters were very heavy drinkers.
My brother was, too.
Note - I saw 'was'. My father quit in the 1980's right after his mother passed away. Stone cold quit. My brother quit about 15 years ago - same thing, stopped. I'm not sure how my aunt stopped but she did, the rest are deceased.
I've done the usual stupid things while drinking and my regret is through the roof. I only thank God that I haven't physically hurt anyone or myself.
I find excuses to drink; to continue, to fool myself into thinking I can achieve moderation. I've tried hypnosis twice; I've tried all the old tricks to not get hungover (drink milk before going out drinking, come home and have excederin, bread and a vitamin, etc). A few days after the hangover I'm actually in a good mood cuz I'm not feeling so sh*tty. Then I forget about it. Then I do it all over again on the weekend.
Do I think I'm an addict? I don't know. I do know for sure that I am a binge drinker and possess very little self control when it comes to drinking.
I do not drink every day nor do I have the desire.
I've asked my doctor for prescription drugs to avoid drinking and she said no. My counselor doesn't think I have a serious problem.
I dont' have any 'drinking buddies' as in people I only get together with to drink but there are a few old friends with whom I do drink with when we're out.
It's not the drinking - it's the lack of moderation that is my problem. Maybe in time I'll see it differently but that's how I see it now.
I waste time, energy, money and my health. I've lied about hangovers, missed work and holidays, driven and done some pretty dangerous things.
I don't know if it's filling a void or just helping me escape. I'm not terribly satisifed with my life and where I'm using to justify that it's only making my life worse.
I want to say "just quit and you're problem will be over" but I'm afraid.

[LibraryGirl]

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Thank you for sharing LBF. I can see where you might think your drinking is pretty typical, and it kind of is. Unfortunately, too many people just carry on this way and never face the fact that their drinking IS destructive, and could have very bad, if not fatal, results.

I applaud you for coming here and for questioning your AL use. That is the first step after all. I've always heard, if you are wondering if you have a problem, you do. Hopefully, and I really believe it for you, it is something you can change, and benefit from. Struggles make us stronger, IMO, and leave us more appreciative of what we have.

I hope to see you around here often. Again, thanks for sharing.:l

[ThreeDogNight]

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:thanks:LBF. That was a great share. I think it's good that you have been so honest in telling your story. And it's good that you are questioning your drinking. I do believe that once you start questioning your consumption of alcohol, you realize that you have taken that all important first step.
Stick here with us. There is so much support.
:lTDN

[cpn1004]

Here I go

LostButFound,
You are on your way to a new awareness. Be kind to yourself.

[FlyAway]

Here I go

Thanks for sharing your story.

[Nelz]

Here I go

LBF first off....I LOOOOVVVVVEEE that avatar! I think Id like to steal it if you dont mind.


Second I might find another doctor that will assist you in getting medication, that you feel might help you in quitting AL. If that is, you feel that you have to have it.

There is no shortage of support here, and people that are going through what you are...so stick around....and learn all you can. Ask questions and post up any advice you might have. You never know when whatever tidbit you offer up, is JUST the thing to help someone else on the boards.

Good luck with whatever path you choose on this journey.