It's again the first day of my attempt to get sober. After a bottle and a half of wine last night I woke up feeling like cr*p. So on days like today, I swear that it is all over for me. I've marked my calendar since January. Result:
11 days AF in Jan. -- longest streak 5 days in a row
6 days AF in Feb., longest 3 in a row
3 days AF in March, 2 in a row
2 days AF so far in April in a row
I take Baclofen but never got to the "switch". It does help with my anxiety but now I am dependent on it and not AF. I've taken it for two years. Right now am at 60mg a day because it hasn't turned me into a non-drinker.
In the past I was able to get and stay sober for about a year and a half after treatment by Rhonda Lenair. A health crisis in the family started me drinking again then. And a year ago I quit for 6 months but stopped for a margarita and then started in again.
AA does not work for me. It makes me want to drink even more. I've tried a few times, different meetings... even Rhonda said it didn't work for me.
I'm taking MWO supplements.
I know I'm majorly depressed at the moment. I live alone and my family relationships are not good. They weren't good before I became a drinker, but I know drinking hasn't helped either.
It just seems I have tried everything and I can't stay sober. Sometimes its the cravings, sometimes anxiety, sometimes a crisis in my life and whatever gets it going it just then turns into the same old habit.
I looked at the Sobrex web site. It's expensive. So is drinking. But at least I only buy two bottles at a time.
I keep hoping there is some cure. I know it is biochemical thing in the brain.
If you read this, I know it is not very encouraging. Just trying to be honest and convey that I am at the end of my rope... again. If I had the money or insurance I would check into a 90 day rehab or maybe even 30. I feel that if I could just stop for that long, I could maybe this time remember that I can never drink. I can never be a social drinker. Even with Baclofen. One drink and I'm right back at it every time.
11 days AF in Jan. -- longest streak 5 days in a row
6 days AF in Feb., longest 3 in a row
3 days AF in March, 2 in a row
2 days AF so far in April in a row
I take Baclofen but never got to the "switch". It does help with my anxiety but now I am dependent on it and not AF. I've taken it for two years. Right now am at 60mg a day because it hasn't turned me into a non-drinker.
In the past I was able to get and stay sober for about a year and a half after treatment by Rhonda Lenair. A health crisis in the family started me drinking again then. And a year ago I quit for 6 months but stopped for a margarita and then started in again.
AA does not work for me. It makes me want to drink even more. I've tried a few times, different meetings... even Rhonda said it didn't work for me.
I'm taking MWO supplements.
I know I'm majorly depressed at the moment. I live alone and my family relationships are not good. They weren't good before I became a drinker, but I know drinking hasn't helped either.
It just seems I have tried everything and I can't stay sober. Sometimes its the cravings, sometimes anxiety, sometimes a crisis in my life and whatever gets it going it just then turns into the same old habit.
I looked at the Sobrex web site. It's expensive. So is drinking. But at least I only buy two bottles at a time.
I keep hoping there is some cure. I know it is biochemical thing in the brain.
If you read this, I know it is not very encouraging. Just trying to be honest and convey that I am at the end of my rope... again. If I had the money or insurance I would check into a 90 day rehab or maybe even 30. I feel that if I could just stop for that long, I could maybe this time remember that I can never drink. I can never be a social drinker. Even with Baclofen. One drink and I'm right back at it every time.
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