As promised: my story

[oakley]

As promised: my story

What an amazing and empowering thread! Thank you for sharing this part of your journey.

[Sake123]

As promised: my story

Chief - I am new to this forum and really got a lot out of your journey. The treatment facility you describe sounds more like a spa! I'm glad you were able to get sober in such a wonderful environment.

Anyway - I'm new so not much to add, just enjoyed reading your story. Thanks for sharing.

[Fisher80]

As promised: my story

I am happy I found this thread, it gives so much hope. Thanks a lot, Chief!

[Chief Bromden]

As promised: my story

And thank you folks! If you take anything away from reading it, it would do me a lot of pleasure.

A spa... heheh. Yes, in many ways it was. There were even things like barbeques and bike trips. But I didn't get a "holiday" feeling for one second, as looking around (and in the mirror) made it very clear why I was there.

Still, you are right though. It was - warts & all - a great facility, even though it is very affordable and open to everyone. I didn't end my stint there in the best of circumstances - again, a long story - but I visited them again after I was one year sober, and they completely saw my point of view. For me, it was important to clean up that situation, I had been thinking about it for a full year. They were - of course - very happy that I was still sober.

I will visit them again in the next few months to say hello, and to do some interviews for my upcoming book. (

[Chief Bromden]

As promised: my story

500 days sober. It's amazing how fast it goes. I'm also amazed at how easy it now is. I'm now at a point where I am totally comfortable with being a non-drinker.

Cravings? Sure. 10 minutes a week. Solved by doing chores. And cravings is not the same as being tempted. Craving doesn't equal cave in.

Sure, 500 is just a number, and shouldn't be a fetish. One day I'll have 30 years too, but I hope I will be happier than some.

My little calculator also tells me I saved 9600 USD in whisky in that period. We bought ourselves a second hand grand piano last week for the same amount. So I'm still skint, but the piano is a bit more useful than 500 hangovers.

Very pleased with all this.

[Queenbug]

As promised: my story

This has been such an amazing thread to follow....so much resonates and I am full of admiration for you Chief....this has felt like such an honest heartfelt acount and helped me in so many ways...
Thank you:goodjob:

[Chief Bromden]

As promised: my story

Thanks QB. As you know I already replied to your own story, but I did want to say that, yes, what I wrote here is what really happened. I did check again on little white lies, and there are none. No smoke, no mirrors.

For me personally, being totally and brutally honest - especially to myself - seemed very important to help pull it off.

Very pleased if it can be of help - even if it's just in a tiny way. The main theme that goes through my head is that I sometimes want to condense everything that I wrote and say "to my big big surprise, it can be done, and you can come out happier than you ever thought possible."

I know it sounds like a shallow clich?, but that doesn't make it any less true.

[Chief Bromden]

As promised: my story

Day 545 here, chugging along nicely. Yeah, I still count, because it's one of these numbers that get bigger without having to do anything.

The little program I made when I quit also gives me the money I (virtually) saved, so that's $10,493.50 in the kitty.

Lately, I have been thinking about "functioning alcoholics". You often see it mentioned, and I used the term as well, almost as a sort of "well, it's not THAT bad is it?"

A couple of days ago, a friend sent me a link to a forum post I did a couple of years ago, saying "You did warn him!". Clicked on the link, saw the date: 2010. Ugh, that was when drinking really became a horrible problem. Saw the time: 5:30 AM.

Oh shit.

A long post, made after having ingested about a liter of whisky? Being unable to sleep? Cringe time!

To my surprise, the post made a lot of sense - in fact it was very good, factual, kind, funny, with no typos. There is just no way that you could see this was posted by a drunk. It was about science, and it even contained a few interesting tidbits I had long forgotten.

Whew!

After the 1.5 seconds of relief, I started to remember the state I was in when I posted that, what I was feeling, and how I was irreparably damaging the nerves in my feet (as it turned out later...). The panic when the bottle was becoming empty (way too soon, I can't believe it's almost empty, I hardly had a few drinks!), the terrible daily hangover that would follow, the massive depression that goes with it, the fear - no terror - of thinking I'd never be able to quit. After all, it's what made me function!

Even worse: I had no recollection of having made that post. None.

That is a scary thought.

It's then that I understood that "functioning alcoholic" probably means that you can kill yourself slowly without too many other people noticing (at first). Not really a good concept...

[hiddengoal]

As promised: my story

Chief Bromden;1597013 wrote:
It's then that I understood that "functioning alcoholic" probably means that you can kill yourself slowly without too many other people noticing (at first). Not really a good concept...

You sum up the term perfectly....there are many of us. Thank you for taking the time to write and to stay in touch. How' that book coming? - eh-eh..

[Chief Bromden]

As promised: my story

hiddengoal;1597255 wrote: How' that book coming? - eh-eh..

That's a low blow!

I'm working on it. It_is_not_easy. I don't just want some vanity project, I want it to be "good" (whatever that means).

Someone started a thread a couple of weeks ago: "What's your program and what makes it work?". I tried to reply a couple of times, but ended up with some very long and unclear posts - so the back button was my friend. Still trying to get my head around what happened, and why whatever I tried seems to work.

It's not clear yet, and it needs to be before I can continue with the book.

[Chief Bromden]

As promised: my story

Hi guys! Day 600, and just reporting that it's going nicely. I am getting ever more confident in my quit (without being complacent) and I'm pretty sure by now I can keep this up. I feel lucky to have escaped, and that sense of relief does not go away, nor does it get old.

Sure, life is no bed of roses - not at all - but in many ways the relief from the sobriety is helping to cope with the shittier things in life.

Don't forget that when I wrote the first post in this thread, I was absolutely not convinced that it "can be done". Now I know it can.

[NoSugar]

As promised: my story

Thanks for checking in Chief! It would be great if you contributed to https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...out-89647.html.
We need proof that this can be done !

[Pavati]

As promised: my story

600 is amazing! I have read this thread and find so much to learn from your journey. Thanks for sharing.

[Chief Bromden]

As promised: my story

NoSugar;1622218 wrote: Thanks for checking in Chief! It would be great if you contributed to https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...out-89647.html.
We need proof that this can be done !
Done!

Pavati;1622995 wrote: 600 is amazing! I have read this thread and find so much to learn from your journey. Thanks for sharing.

Thanks Pavati, really glad it helps even the tiniest bit.

Mind you, a co-alkie on another forum told me that day 599 or 601 are just as much fun, and I agree!

I just use the round numbers to remind myself of doing an update on this thread. The next one will most probably be 700.

As I'm typing here anyway: the last few days were very difficult at home. My wife and I go through a phase where we seem to have lost the ability to communicate. We don't understand each other anymore, don't live up to the expectations of each other, and can't even begin to have a serious talk about it. Anger, hurt, disbelief, they are all there, from both sides - I'm sure it's something most of us recognize.

Throughout, one of the most prominent thoughts I have is: "I am SO glad I am not drinking anymore." Drinking would have destroyed my credibility, my ability to step out of the mess to have an objective (or as objective as possible) birds eye view of the situation. Drinking would have made me feel angrier, more lonely, useless. Drinking would have been "doom".

So, instead of thinking "Damn, I need a drink" I find myself thinking "Damn, I am so glad that I'm no longer drinking." I can not begin to describe the sense of relief that is still present, despite a very nasty situation that might even end up in breaking up after 24 years...

For that feeling alone it is so worth it that I have quit.

Anyway, back to my regular schedule.

[paulywogg]

As promised: my story

I love reading your updates Chief,makes me feel hope