I guess it began when I was 7. Dad was working away from home and Mum became a drunk leaving me and my brother alone quite often. Ended up Dad rocked up one night and put me and him in his car with our TV and off we went into the night. It would be another 30 yrs before I saw my Mum. Dad then became a drunk. Married another woman who was a drunk. By 15 I was drinking - 16 engaged and 18 bought my own house. 19 Married and 20 divorced (he left me) At 20 ran away from UK to Australai to "find myself" Found a man I fell in love with (he didnt love me), fell pregnant! When Baby was 4 days old got a call at hospital to say Dad was dying (last rites the wholelot) (alcohol related) flew home with Baby and miraculously helped Dad recover. He gave up the booze just like that without meds or help. a few months later met my present husband, an aussie. My best mate whom I adore. We both had wonderful jobs and our lives were filled with love. We both always drank, him never too much (never seen him drunk ever) but nonetheless alcohol was a part of our daily life. 4 yrs on Baby no 2 arrives followed by news of my 34 yr old brother died suddenly (alcohol & drug related) Dad started drinking again.. I found my birth mother thru Salvos to tell her about her son. Decided time to lose the high powered career and emigrate to aus for good. Baby no 3 was planned and a delight. 3 months later unplanned baby no 4 was a shock. 26 wks into that pregnancy found I had breast cancer,had mastectomy whilst pregnant and had to wait 12weeks for baby to be born before I could have tests. Baby induced very sick - I started chemo/radiation (9 months) immediately and practically life was a living hell. I must have qualified for post natal despression and it was amazing that someone wasnt keeping an eye on my in case I gassed the kids. Its been 5 yrs and I am perfect healthy (physically at least) we moved house to a remote area, our eldest became an extraordinarily high maintenance teenager and our 2 young boys are on duracell batteries. my husband has had 2 redundancies in last 2 yrs and still now no financial stability. Oh and last yr I flew to UK and watched my Dad eventually dying of alcohol - I watched as they stopped putting fluid into him and his body drain. None of the above bothers me. But it must. I look fwd to nothing. The cancer didnt scare me - at least if I was dead I could sleep. I never drank before 8pm (very responsible drunk) now I drink at 5pm knowing I have to drive later to pick up the kids. My husband workrd 14 hrs day. Most nights I've gone thru a bottle of wine before he gets home and then I sneak another half bottle. My surgeon put me on EFFEXOR - taken them 8 weeks. At 1st I thought it was positive cos I felt some peace. Obviously the drinking continued. I started to get excessively drunk very quickly. I looked on the net yesterday and it says this drug is 90% processed in the liver and makes drinking impossible. I woke up yesterday at 3am as I had wet myself. How low can you go. Thank GOD my husband didnt know. I just dont know what my problemis. As Billy Connolly says about people who are trying to lose weight "stop eating the hobnobs" (1 choc bisucuit) I wish to go I had some determination to stop or at least understand why the hell I am so desperate for drink.
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Control the Mind
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