Been reading through the posts today - so helpful and insparational I felt the need to add my own story. I'm determined to get past this drink addiction (alcoholism - let's call it what it is I suppose).
Story is very similar to a lot I've seen - Dad was alcoholic, very violent. I was abused by my brother (something I've NEVER admitted to anyone before now). Mum left Dad when I was 10 and remarried a really nice man who took care of us.
By age 17 I was sneaking cans of cider up to my room to drink. When I met my husband at 21 he drank more than me and I was horrified as he reminded me of my biological father. Nevertheless we married at 25 and are still together at 37. Been through the mill a bit though!
Short of money like a lot of people. Stepdad had a stroke, went blind then died of cancer when I was 26. I was made redundant (not drinking heavily at this point), just slowly increasing.Got another job which I loved. Tried for a baby for 5 years, no success, undiagnosed infertility. IVF - got a daughter! wouldn't you have thought I'd be happy? Not so, maternity leave was so hard I went back to work after just 2 months. Back on the wine (the choice of us women!). Hiding a bottle in the cupboard my husband didn't know about, topping my glass up when he was out of the room, etc.
Then wanted another baby, didn't want ivf, didn't use contraception, got pregnant with twins naturally - major shock. Knew I would have to give up work that I loved. Didn't drink through pregnancy but I've hit the bottle truely since the day I got home from the hospital. I had internal bleeding following their birth and was minutes away from death - given a hysterectomy to save my life and 4 litres of blood transfused. I got home to 3 kids under 3, a lot of pain and bottles of wine.
So it's continued. I'm ashamed of the things I have done, the excuses I've made. The times I've not gone out with them because I'm too drunk to drive in the day.
I wave my husband off to work in the morning and then open a bottle of beer or wine - disgusting. I'm gonna stop, no excuses. You people have been an inspiration to me. My husband has no idea of my problem, or he's in denial. That's also part of my sadness.
Sorry it was long but it feels so good to tell someone at last.:new:
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