My Story... kind of long (sorry)

[ANewReality]

My addiction problems began when I was 13. As background, my whole family is chock full of alcoholics and drug addicts, so I guess I never really stood a chance. My first experience, I drank half of a large bottle of Rumple Minze and puked my guts up. But it didn't stop me. From then on, I just got worse. Drinking, smoking pot, dropping acid, snorting coke... all before the age of 17. When I was a senior, I discovered meth. That addiction took up the first half of my 20's. Then I met my husband (also a meth addict). We quit together, both went to college, got married, had kids and started being responsible, contributing members of society. I still drank a bit between pregnancies, but I was not out of control and while I was pregnant I NEVER drank. After my second child was born, he had several serious birth defects and required many surgeries and lots of extra attention. I was dealing with that, plus a 2 year old, a 10 year old and a new job. So I started with the wine in the evenings to unwind. I was having a lot of difficulty sleeping. Then things just steadily progressed over the years, to the point where I was drinking to pass out in the evenings just so I could sleep. My favorite way to get to sleep is to take 2 benadryl and drink a bottle of really strong wine ( I like it to be 15% or more) and then maybe a few shots of vodka to top it off and PRESTO! I can sleep! I can't seem to just have a glass of wine or a beer. I can't stop. I am compelled to keep going until I am hammered. Meanwhile, my husband drinks about 3 times a year. I just don't understand how he does it and it makes me feel like a huge loser because I have no self-control. Anyway, I quit on Saturday, July 28th. I had a really rough night last night, shaky and heart palpitations but I made it. I want to be clean so I can be healthy! I have high blood pressure, am overweight and feel like shit all the time. I am so tired of being a slave to alcohol. I figure if I quit drinking, most of my health issues will resolve themselves. I am not a religious person, and I have always kept my drinking a secret so I cannot go to any public support group. My Way Out is my only hope. Thank you for listening to me ramble, I can't tell anyone else any of this stuff because I have kept it a secret for so long. I just need a place to be able to safely talk about my addiction and feel like I am not alone. Thank you all for listening.

[Marieth]

My Story... kind of long (sorry)

Thank you for listening to me ramble, I can't tell anyone else any of this stuff because I have kept it a secret for so long. I just need a place to be able to safely talk about my addiction and feel like I am not alone. Thank you all for listening.

Welcome "home", ANewReality!

I completely understand what you said. The time before I starting working at being AF (Two days so far...), I took a gamble and went to an AA meeting. Outside of the meeting I walked into someone I know through my boss at work. This person immediately began talking about how my boss would be so disappointed in me if he knew I was an alcoholic. I turned on my heel and left.

Feeling safe while you talk is so key. This community is so supportive, I hope you feel safe enough to let go of everything and talk with ease.

Marieth

[Supercrew]

My Story... kind of long (sorry)

Great post and great story! When I made the decision to get and stay sober my health issues resolved themself very quickly. I replaced the bad habit with a workout and health goal. I'm now healthier that i was in my early 20's.

Good luck, you can do it!!

[Supercrew]

My Story... kind of long (sorry)

I couldn't really be seen as an alcoholic in my community either, so I turned it around, and everyone knows me as the healthy motivated guy who happens not to drink alcohol either. AA for me was about negativity, this is about embracing a healthy lifestyle and being proud of it. This is a great place to learn about all the benefits of sobriety!

[hart]

My Story... kind of long (sorry)

(((ANEWREALITY)))

Welcome. Do not feel a failure. Just because your husband can drink a few times a year and stop doesn't mean he is better than you or that you are a failure. It means he is not an alcoholic and your are. Being an alcoholic is no different that having any other thing. Either you have it or you don't. I have blue eyes. My husband has green eyes. Does that make him better than me? No. But will never have blue eyes and vice versa. These are facts.

You cannot drink. Your mind will try and tell you that you can drink like others but you can't. So don't fall into that trap. Realize you simple do not have the same colored eyes as everyone else. You can't drink.

Welcome here. There are a lot of good, supportive people who will help you in the journey. But it takes a lot of effort. It can be done but it takes a lot of work. Good luck hon.

[ANewReality]

My Story... kind of long (sorry)

Thank you all. You have no idea how much it means to me to feel safe and supported and above all, not judged. I finally feel like I am not alone and that makes a huge difference. I am going to keep reading all of your posts and stay strong. I am so ready for the change!

[vlivengood]

My Story... kind of long (sorry)

Anew, I can totally relate, it's hard when you cant have the people that are the closest to you, cheer you on, support you, keep you accountable, keep coming here we will do all that for you......

[ANewReality]

My Story... kind of long (sorry)

DAY 4 and I am feeling really good today! I hope it sticks

[Kradle123]

My Story... kind of long (sorry)

Hi ANR:

Just wanted to say hi and :welcome:
I have almost 2 months and absolutely couldn't be anywhere near that without the good people here.

It's not all fun and roses to be sure but it is a different route than the one I've been using for years and there is something rather exciting about that!

So please stay close. Read a lot . Drink a lot of water and call us in the morning

Hugs,

:l

[Kradle123]

My Story... kind of long (sorry)

PS: Congratulations on day four !

:goodtime::
:jumpwow::

[LillyE]

My Story... kind of long (sorry)

Anew, I just wanted to say :welcome:

You are definitely not alone here. There are many wonderful people here who've been where you've been and who are happy to listen without judging. Whatever the specifics of your story you're likely to find someone who's been right where you are.

Read, read, read here as much as you can and post lots. You can do this.

If you haven't found it already, the Toolbox is a great place to start.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

A comment on AA ... I have been very resistant to it too. I am an atheist. I do not believe any type of higher power will 'deliver' me from drinking. I don't think I am powerless over my choice to take the first drink (maybe thereafter I am powerless to stop but that's a different story) and I don't like the idea of endlessly hearing drunkalogs as they call it. Like Supercrew said, I find all of that quite negative in some ways. (Though I know he has been to meetings and I haven't as yet.)

Regardless, I think I might finally go check out a meeting tomorrow. I've been listening to podcasts out of curiosity and I suddenly realized that the 'fellowship' they speak of - something that really put me off as I associate that word with religion - might be rather like the fellowship/connection/solidarity I find here. Besides, some IRL support could be nice. So we shall see - maybe I'll be surprised and love it; maybe I'll absolutely loathe it. I plan to just try and keep an open mind.

I guess don't rule out anything in your healing is what I'm trying to say. Different things work for different people and even at different types.

Wishing you strength,

Lilly

[ANewReality]

My Story... kind of long (sorry)

I just want to thank everyone for being so kind. I am on day 5 now, and I am just amazed at how GOOD I feel. I am going to start running tonight, since I think it will help fill my evening so I don't just sit around waiting for the urge to strike

I am not sure if I read this in the tool box or where, but someone said not letting yourself get hungry was huge... and it is so strange, but eating DOES help me! I have struggled with my weight for a long time now, and so in order to not take in too many calories, I would eat very little during the day so I could use all of my calories on alcohol which meant no dinner. I am happy to report I am eating dinner now (not going crazy or anything) but the result of not drinking is that it appears I am actually starting to lose some weight. Who would have guessed? It is so motivating!

I am also taking something called Schisandra which I got from an acupuncturist, and it is really helping with the heart palpitations so I can sleep. I just really feel like I can do this!

[wuthrich8]

My Story... kind of long (sorry)

WOW! Your story touched me especially. I have recently gone through some issues with meth in my family, and none of them can seemnigly break it. I have a problem with AL, and have chosen to take the supps and topa, and try moderation, so you might actually be farther along then me! Congrats on however far along you are by now! I sure hope you continue to post, and please make yourself welcome where i post, its the topa thread, under medications. We are a very understanding group! I noticed that you arent posting anymore. If you have slipped, come anyway! It doesnt matter. We all do it and for some of us, it happens over and over. You have truly found a home here, no matter whats going on. If you want to really give up on alcohol, we may have some suggestions that may work for you. If you want to be able to drink, but just a little, we may also have some solutions. Come back home, and we will make it comfy cozy. By the way, AZ is my home state, sort of, my whole family is there! If nothing else, please come over and give me some tips for my family against this silly meth monster! Hugs dear, and i really hope this messy finds you well, and happy.....

[ANewReality]

My Story... kind of long (sorry)

I am such a freaking LOSER. I couldn't even make it 2 weeks. I went on a lake trip on Sunday and drank a few beers each day ( I didn't have more than 3 each day because it was so hot the beer was giving me a headache and I had to switch to water). So I rationalized that I was drinking in moderation and would be okay.
... But then I came home. I had to go to the store for a few things, and I bought a bottle of vodka. It's in my dresser. Hidden. I drank half of it last night and passed out by 8pm. In reflecting this morning, I don't think I even really felt like I needed a drink. It was more out of habit than need. WTF?!? I haven't felt this low about myself since I was using drugs. I am so disgusted with myself I can't even look in a mirror. Where is my strength?????

[Supercrew]

My Story... kind of long (sorry)

Your strength is keeping you drinking. You have great willpower to keep your bad habit going. You gave yourself excuses to start back up, it was hot, you were at the lake. Once you are under the influence of the poison you are unable to make a rational decision so you bought more.

Pretty easy scenario when you look at it.

Now pick yourself up, don't beat yourself down too much, and start again tomorrow. Drinking is a learned behavior that you can unlearn. You just have to focus on being sober and the happiness it will bring you and the reasons why you want to be sober, instead of focusing on not being able to drink. Quit giving yourself a choice. Make the decision to be sober for one day, then stick to it, then do it again the next day. You can do it!