I don't quite know where to begin...but think I'll start with my wedding day to a guy I knew I'd eventually divorce, but didn't have the guts to end it when I should have.
What I did instead was live with a man who emotionally/verbally/psychologically abused me constantly for the 2 years we were married. I was yelled at for how long I decided to microwave a meal I was making for myself (I didn't follow the exact instructions on the box); for the direction I windexed a mirror in our house (should be counter-clockwise); for not using a ruler to hang a painting PRECISELY, etc.....I was told that my income was to go into a joint security account, but his income was all his (I never made that joint security account b/c I knew that would be insanely stupid). To cope with it, I started to drink. I mean, if I was going to be yelled at, I might as well be a little buzzed to handle it, right? At first a little, I'd drink before he came home...and then gradually, I'd go to my side of the house and he'd go to his, and I'd drink alone out of sadness, too.
Finally, I got the courage to leave, with one bag, assuming we'd get counseling. He didn't want to. I filed for divorce. He made me go to court for the right to go back into our house to pack up all of my childhood/personal belongings...even as he started to date someone new. I was working the overnight shift a news station at the town we'd moved to...and barely knew anyone. To cope with the loneliness, I continued to drink some more.
I was offered a job in our old town & returned there...but all my old friends now had their own kids....and I was still dealing with the emotional baggage of the 2 year marriage and the nearly year-long divorce process he made us go through. To deal with the boredom of coming home alone, I kept drinking...up to 12 beers or 2 bottles of wine a night. Wake up hungover, get coffee, go to work, come home, repeat cycle. Dated a guy 8 years younger than me long-distance until I visited once and realized he was cheating on me with someone more age appropriate. DUH!
I've got to finally end this cycle of self-pity/boredom/lack of confidence. That's why I'm here. It's my Day 3. I've got Ben & Jerry's frozen yogurt sitting next to me right now instead of AL. I need to kick this. I'm still young, want to make new dreams for myself, and improve life for my body, my family, and the friends who've put up with me these past couple of years. I think I've mostly hid my problem from them (I usually avoid social settings in order to sit home and drink)...but I gotta live again.
Thanks (sorry this was so long)
What I did instead was live with a man who emotionally/verbally/psychologically abused me constantly for the 2 years we were married. I was yelled at for how long I decided to microwave a meal I was making for myself (I didn't follow the exact instructions on the box); for the direction I windexed a mirror in our house (should be counter-clockwise); for not using a ruler to hang a painting PRECISELY, etc.....I was told that my income was to go into a joint security account, but his income was all his (I never made that joint security account b/c I knew that would be insanely stupid). To cope with it, I started to drink. I mean, if I was going to be yelled at, I might as well be a little buzzed to handle it, right? At first a little, I'd drink before he came home...and then gradually, I'd go to my side of the house and he'd go to his, and I'd drink alone out of sadness, too.
Finally, I got the courage to leave, with one bag, assuming we'd get counseling. He didn't want to. I filed for divorce. He made me go to court for the right to go back into our house to pack up all of my childhood/personal belongings...even as he started to date someone new. I was working the overnight shift a news station at the town we'd moved to...and barely knew anyone. To cope with the loneliness, I continued to drink some more.
I was offered a job in our old town & returned there...but all my old friends now had their own kids....and I was still dealing with the emotional baggage of the 2 year marriage and the nearly year-long divorce process he made us go through. To deal with the boredom of coming home alone, I kept drinking...up to 12 beers or 2 bottles of wine a night. Wake up hungover, get coffee, go to work, come home, repeat cycle. Dated a guy 8 years younger than me long-distance until I visited once and realized he was cheating on me with someone more age appropriate. DUH!
I've got to finally end this cycle of self-pity/boredom/lack of confidence. That's why I'm here. It's my Day 3. I've got Ben & Jerry's frozen yogurt sitting next to me right now instead of AL. I need to kick this. I'm still young, want to make new dreams for myself, and improve life for my body, my family, and the friends who've put up with me these past couple of years. I think I've mostly hid my problem from them (I usually avoid social settings in order to sit home and drink)...but I gotta live again.
Thanks (sorry this was so long)
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