This is my story and I'm stickin to it.....

[Peaceonyou]

Hi Everyone, wow, I am really amazed at finding this website! I'm not really known for being short and to the point so I'll try to be as brief as I can....I first got sober in California in 1988, met and married my wonderful husband in the rooms of AA, had two beautiful children, and enjoyed all that a spiritually fit and AF free life could give. Then, in 2003, I watched my beloved father die a horrible death from AL. The grief, anxiety coupled with the taking care of two babies at the time just really overwhelmed me. I was prescribed some anti anxiety meds (ativan) to help me out for the short term. Never having any experience with pills, well, lets just say, I found my magic right there. When I couldn't get enough of those, I turned back to my old "frenemy" alcohol. We have since moved to Indiana, in the last 9 years, I have had 2 DUIs, I fell down the stairs in a blackout, had a major blood clot in my leg and spent 5 days in ICU and only by the grace of GOD lived, absolutely totaled my last car just this last April, and the countless "little" graces of just being allowed to wake up the next morning after knowing I probably mixed a little too much of this with a little too much of that. I have been to treatment, (outpatient), I have continued to walk through the doors of 12step programs up until today and I will continue to do so as long as I can, but honestly, I have been praying for SOMETHING MORE that could help me! My husband has stayed AF, and still loves me, my kids still love me, my friends still love me, I seriously have so much love and support and its like when it comes to that craving, that thing, that beast, that just flipping says "you gotta turn the brain off" or the very common "oh you'll never be able to stop so just f*** it" , or whatever negative talk its saying for the moment and theres alot of that, I just couldn't seem to overcome it. For very long. At least not without feeling uncomfortable and still feeling the presence of thinking or wanting a pill or a drink. Until, 22 days ago. OK, now, I'm one of those chicks who researches for fun. (Well, let me be honest. I researched meds for the longest time because I was always wondering what kind of pill could get me high in some way shape or form) I was given Naltrexone in 2005 but it made me really sick. Super nauseous. Anyway, I had read about baclofen in the past and tried that but it did not really work for me. (After finding this site, maybe I never took a high enough dose) Anyway, three weeks ago, I found an article about Topamax. It really got me excited. I mean geez, I could stop drinking and lose weight? Hot damn! Well now, seriously, I am humbled. I gathered all the info I could, ordered the med online. Before telling my husband, who, when I did tell him said, "As long as you get it prescribed, I'm all for it" can you blame him? I'm an addict. But of course I'd already jumped the gun. I started taking topa on Aug. 12. I did have some SE, not too bad though, although I have not lost one iota of my appetite. But you know what? I could care less. I have been free. FREE!!!! I have titrated up to 75mgs., and truly, I do not think, nor want alcohol! I can hardly freakin believe this! Then, to top it all off, I find this website...a whole bunch of peeps just like me, fighting, surrendering, whatever semantics you wanna use...peeps who just mostly want to be AF. I know for me, moderation never is nor ever was an option, but I'm not judgmental. My hat's off to you all too. Just feeling like I'd like to get know you all a little, I check in a lot, I'm kinda of a lurker, but I thought I'd share my story. Just in case someone's on the fence about trying an alternative or someone like me who just needs more than the 12 steps this time around and I"m grateful I'm alive to get it. I hope I didn't sound too trite, see, there I go, I always have to edit myself, I kid you not, my drinking wants to kill me. I really thought it was gonna win. This is giving me renewed hope where I had seriously lost almost all of it!

[ThreeDogNight]

This is my story and I'm stickin to it.....

Hi, Peace.
Just have a minute before I need to leae for work, but just wanted to say:welcome: You'e found a great place! I am also on Day 22, but went over six months earlier before falling off again. Anyway, have a lot in common with your story--especially two DUIs after a virtually perfect driving record. Will come back later on and write more.
Check out the Monthly Abs forum--I read and post there eery day, and what a great group!
So gald you found MWO!
TDN

[mama bear]

This is my story and I'm stickin to it.....

welcome to the family Peace......join us over in the One step at a Time thread if you like......just some silly friends that chat every day
We are here for you......