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story of a 23y old student

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    story of a 23y old student

    hey,

    i will do my first post on the MWO forum in this topic to introduce myself a bit and do my story, I don’t know if anyone is interested in these kind of story’s but here we go.
    First i want to apologize me for my bad English, I'm from Belgium so i try to do my best but there will be a lot of mistakes but i hope u'll all understand me.

    I'm Louis, I’m 23y old and i'm from Belgium (Ghent). This year i finished my studies for dentist so I’m a dentist now, but i'm studying also medicine now, i go to my 3th year. I want to become a maxillo-facial surgeon.
    I'm very impulsive, I have adhd and I'm taking rilatin (methylfenidaat) about 40mg a day, I'm always a happy man, I'm very active and social en don’t need many sleep.
    I'll explain short what my "drinking history" is. I began drinking when i was 15, and i drunk a lot between my 16-18, i did the same thing afterwards, but for me the part between 16-18 is very important now because I strongly believe that this (and also a genetic part) is the mean reason for my alcoholism. I think (know) i ruined my prefrontal cortex on this age because that part of the brain is in fully development than. Badly enough i didn't knew this when i was 16.
    I drank a lot, but only in the evening, i had a great time between ma 16-19, than drinking was normal in my eyes en never thought about it. I had a lot of friends, i went out every evening, had a good girlfriend and was really living a good en happy life (I thought).
    But it became worse and worse. I'll save u the whole story it's just the "typical" thing, drinking too much, losing friends, losing girlfriend, disappointing my parents, be aggressive when I was drunk, accidents, police, ..

    2 years ago I start realizing that I drank too much. I noticed that there hasn’t been a day in the last 3 years I didn’t drink alcohol. I was drinking the whole week with friends, in the weekends I worked at a bar where I was drinking the whole time, and when I was at home and there wasn’t anything to do I went to the night shop to get some alcohol. I realized there was something wrong, I’ve always told myself in all those years “it’s normal that I drink that much, I'm a student, when I finish my studies I will drink less, …”. But after all the troubles I had I start thinking and these were my most important findings that I noticed 2years ago when I first wanted to quit drinking or drink less:
    - I always drank until I was drunk, I couldn’t stop after a few beers
    - I always had blackouts, especially the last 2 years, every night I had a blackout
    - During the day I sometimes suddenly began to sweat and my hands were shaking a bit during the day
    - I always said to myself I wasn’t goin to drink this evening because my hangover was to strong, but I always start drinking again.
    - I began to drink stronger beers en strong alcohol to get drunk faster
    - I wasn’t having fun when there was a thing to do without alcohol and I couldn’t sleep when I didn’t drink enough
    - I was drinking when I was alone, and I also drunk “around the corner” when no one saw it because they didn’t drink fast enough for me and I was ashamed to order 5 beers in half an hour when they drank one.
    - I was always looking for alcohol and linked everything with drinking. When I asked a friend to watch a movie, I bought a bottle of alcohol etc. When I went to a party or reception the first thing I looked for was the bar.
    - …

    So 2 years ago I start searching on the internet en really knew a drank to much. I went to a psychiatrist and did my story and he told me I had to quit drinking for 3 months to start with. But I said to him “no way I can do this”, I’ll never have fun when I don’t drink alcohol etc…
    To make this part of the story short: I went to psychiatrists, psychologists, AA, read about 20 books, and now I'm here.
    I’ve quit drinking like 4 times in 2 years, it always worked for like 3 months but then I had a relapse and drank even more. I read allen car, I talked to many people that quit drinking but it seems that nothings works. The craving doesn’t go away …
    I have a lot of respect for the people who succeed quiting just by motivation but for me it doesn’t work. My vision on alcoholism is very “medical” maybe because I study medicine and that I'm very interested in the human body and the brains and effects and … I remember that after reading allen car (they sad I must read this book to quit) I turned on the last page and asked allen car in my mind “u indeed said all the positive things when you don’t drink, but u don’t say one word how I have to stop?!” And in my brain I really can’t make the click to stop drinking by just motivating myself and keep saying like the last 3 months that I can have fun without drinking, that drinking is not good, and all the stuff allen car says for example.
    Now I am alcohol-free for 3 months, but then I read Olvier Ameisen his book and in the last 3 months I did a lot of research about baclofen. But now I'm going to write this story and ask some questions in the baclofen topic --> https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...ml#post1371665

    I really believe and know that my alcoholism is a disease and that I won’t make it AF with just motivation, I have the feeling I'm just postponing the relapse. I maybe can be AF for a couple of years but I don’t know if the craving will ever go away, maybe I have to wait longer than 3 months and just try with motivation and without pills, I don’t know to be honest..
    I just hope I can do something to help me, and that I can help other people when I'm AF for a long period, and maybe in special people around my age, because it’s so difficult for young students to go and tell someone there story and find help. I don’t want that kids of 16-18y old will have all the troubels we suffer now.

    Kind regards

    Louis

    #2
    story of a 23y old student

    Louis,
    I found that I needed to talk to other alcoholics that were staying sober. That's why AA works for me.
    Love and Peace,
    Phil


    Sobriety Date 12.07.2009

    Comment


      #3
      story of a 23y old student

      cpn1004;1372819 wrote: Louis,
      I found that I needed to talk to other alcoholics that were staying sober. That's why AA works for me.
      Hey,

      i do that .. But is hasn't got any effect on me. And the mean reason is that if i ask if they still have craving feelings, most of them answer yes. But they keep each other motivated not to drink but i don't know why but sometimes when i've talked with people about it I just want to drink more.

      One guy told me and maybe he is right, "you've been sober now for 3 months, you know what your problem is and u know you have to stop, now just quit reading about alcohol and talking about it because that makes u think about it everyday". Maybe the time has come i just have to think about other things and stop trying to know more about the problem etc..

      Or maybe i just should try baclofen to take the craving away.

      Thank you for the help, i'm in a situation i don't really know what to do, but as long as i'm sober everything i do feels positive.

      Louis

      Comment


        #4
        story of a 23y old student

        Hi Louis :

        Forgive me but I think the gentleman who suggested you just stop reading and 'do what you have to do' is completely wrong. As a Medical student you know that the medical community is constantly learning about. AL problems and how it affects us physically and emotionally. This info can only help us in our struggle to get free.

        No one wants you to obsess of course but please make sure that you visit the Tool BOX and the newbie nest as often as you can for support. I have discovered that simply knowing I am not alone in this as made all the difference for me.

        Peace and strength my friend,
        :l

        PS : y
        You're English is very good.
        On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
        *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

        Comment


          #5
          story of a 23y old student

          Kradle123;1372988 wrote: Hi Louis :

          Forgive me but I think the gentleman who suggested you just stop reading and 'do what you have to do' is completely wrong. As a Medical student you know that the medical community is constantly learning about. AL problems and how it affects us physically and emotionally. This info can only help us in our struggle to get free.

          No one wants you to obsess of course but please make sure that you visit the Tool BOX and the newbie nest as often as you can for support. I have discovered that simply knowing I am not alone in this as made all the difference for me.

          Peace and strength my friend,
          :l

          PS : y
          You're English is very good.
          Thank you!

          I just decided to go to an old friend in Berlin. Tomorrow i'll drive 800km to Berlin and stay there till sunday. Will be good for me i think to make a little trip and have a week time for me to think and visit a nice city.

          I'm not taking baclofen right now i've decided to wait one more week and see how I do. I'm happy and i'm doing fine but if the craving doesn't go away in xxxx weeks or months I gonna try it.

          Louis

          Comment


            #6
            story of a 23y old student

            Louis, you have been drinking so much, and drinking seems to be in almost every aspect of your life, I am not surprised that you still crave. But when alkies who get together and talk about their cravings after several years of sobriety, I think that they experience a different kind of craving. Initially, they can be very bad, but as you gain more time being AF, the cravings do diminish in duration and intensity. What was an obsession can turn into a passing thought.

            I think you should see what happens while you visit your friend and consider taking baclofen if you need to. Some people have also tried naltrexone, and I have found that eating a good dinner immediately after coming home from work helps enormously with cravings.

            Good luck.
            AF as of August 5th, 2012

            Comment


              #7
              story of a 23y old student

              Louis: consider topamax, kudzu herb and l-glutamine. They work for me.
              Alcoholic (or Ally)

              "Only a fool knows everything.
              A wise man knows how little he knows."

              Please feel free to block/ignore my posts through your control panel.

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