I come from a long line of alcoholics, but I always thought I could avoid the "crazy" that came with drinking, because even when I would drink, nothing bad would happen and I'd just have a good time. These days, though, I almost always wake up after a night of drinking with regrets, large or small.
For awhile, when I was working in the restaurant industry, I would drink every night. When I lived alone, I would regularly buy my wine by the case, for the discount offered by the supermarket. I was briefly married, and my ex and I were sort of a bad influence on each other. We're still friends, and hanging out with him is actually among the times when I am most likely to drink.
A couple of years ago, while in grad school, I started dating a guy who almost never drank (maybe 3 or 4 times a year). I fell madly in love with him, and didn't be the only one ever drinking, so I basically quit, and was astonished at how much better my life was without booze. I even got down to my pre-21 weight without trying, and people started thinking I was ten years younger than I actually was. Last summer, though, I needed a job to fill the gap, so I went back to working in a restaurant, and it wasn't long before I'd developed the habit of having a glass of wine (or 3) while I closed up the bar.
I told myself "all things in moderation" and yet I found myself telling him I'd had only one glass when I'd actually had more than that. It's strange to me that I felt like I wouldn't lie to him about anything else, so why that?
I've since graduated with my Master's and gotten a "real job" but I've kept trying to drink like a "normal person": 1-3 times per week, mostly on weekends....but...bad stuff happens when I drink. I get feistier, more likely to start fights (with this sweet man who doesn't deserve it), more likely to dissolve into tears at the slightest provocation when I am normally level-headed, irrational, more flirtatious with inappropriate targets, the list goes on and on.
So I think it's time to just...quit. I'm also considering motherhood in the next couple of years, and I want to make sure I really have my head on straight and haven't been drinking for at least a year before I try to get pregnant.
I'm not usually great about sticking around and participating in online communities, but I figured this time maybe it's worth it and maybe it will help me. I had a really BAD night last, and I've been lurking on here for the better part of the afternoon (instead of working, shame on me). I just want to be sane, and when I'm sober I really am. But I am BATSHIT crazy when drunk.
For awhile, when I was working in the restaurant industry, I would drink every night. When I lived alone, I would regularly buy my wine by the case, for the discount offered by the supermarket. I was briefly married, and my ex and I were sort of a bad influence on each other. We're still friends, and hanging out with him is actually among the times when I am most likely to drink.
A couple of years ago, while in grad school, I started dating a guy who almost never drank (maybe 3 or 4 times a year). I fell madly in love with him, and didn't be the only one ever drinking, so I basically quit, and was astonished at how much better my life was without booze. I even got down to my pre-21 weight without trying, and people started thinking I was ten years younger than I actually was. Last summer, though, I needed a job to fill the gap, so I went back to working in a restaurant, and it wasn't long before I'd developed the habit of having a glass of wine (or 3) while I closed up the bar.
I told myself "all things in moderation" and yet I found myself telling him I'd had only one glass when I'd actually had more than that. It's strange to me that I felt like I wouldn't lie to him about anything else, so why that?
I've since graduated with my Master's and gotten a "real job" but I've kept trying to drink like a "normal person": 1-3 times per week, mostly on weekends....but...bad stuff happens when I drink. I get feistier, more likely to start fights (with this sweet man who doesn't deserve it), more likely to dissolve into tears at the slightest provocation when I am normally level-headed, irrational, more flirtatious with inappropriate targets, the list goes on and on.
So I think it's time to just...quit. I'm also considering motherhood in the next couple of years, and I want to make sure I really have my head on straight and haven't been drinking for at least a year before I try to get pregnant.
I'm not usually great about sticking around and participating in online communities, but I figured this time maybe it's worth it and maybe it will help me. I had a really BAD night last, and I've been lurking on here for the better part of the afternoon (instead of working, shame on me). I just want to be sane, and when I'm sober I really am. But I am BATSHIT crazy when drunk.
So what do you think the answer is going to be? Get sober sooner than later! READ, READ, READ on here and see if you can't find your life's story today...5 years in the future, 10 years, and 20 years later....If AL is involved it is going to be a story of struggle, self loathing, guilt and shame. You can trust me on that one. I hope you will decide to take your life back and not give up one more precious minute to AL. Please come over and visit the Newbie's Nest...we have folks in ALL stages of their quit. We have 2 nesters who will be celebrating 30 BIG DAYS tomorrow...(they will get a hat from me on behalf of the nest...a silly little thing we do, but it's amazing how it helps). Come join us...you are NOT alone!! All the best! Byrdie
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