For awhile, when I was working in the restaurant industry, I would drink every night. When I lived alone, I would regularly buy my wine by the case, for the discount offered by the supermarket. I was briefly married, and my ex and I were sort of a bad influence on each other. We're still friends, and hanging out with him is actually among the times when I am most likely to drink.
A couple of years ago, while in grad school, I started dating a guy who almost never drank (maybe 3 or 4 times a year). I fell madly in love with him, and didn't be the only one ever drinking, so I basically quit, and was astonished at how much better my life was without booze. I even got down to my pre-21 weight without trying, and people started thinking I was ten years younger than I actually was. Last summer, though, I needed a job to fill the gap, so I went back to working in a restaurant, and it wasn't long before I'd developed the habit of having a glass of wine (or 3) while I closed up the bar.
I told myself "all things in moderation" and yet I found myself telling him I'd had only one glass when I'd actually had more than that. It's strange to me that I felt like I wouldn't lie to him about anything else, so why that?
I've since graduated with my Master's and gotten a "real job" but I've kept trying to drink like a "normal person": 1-3 times per week, mostly on weekends....but...bad stuff happens when I drink. I get feistier, more likely to start fights (with this sweet man who doesn't deserve it), more likely to dissolve into tears at the slightest provocation when I am normally level-headed, irrational, more flirtatious with inappropriate targets, the list goes on and on.
So I think it's time to just...quit. I'm also considering motherhood in the next couple of years, and I want to make sure I really have my head on straight and haven't been drinking for at least a year before I try to get pregnant.
I'm not usually great about sticking around and participating in online communities, but I figured this time maybe it's worth it and maybe it will help me. I had a really BAD night last, and I've been lurking on here for the better part of the afternoon (instead of working, shame on me). I just want to be sane, and when I'm sober I really am. But I am BATSHIT crazy when drunk.
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