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    #1

    Scenario

    1. Wake up bleary eyed and shaking
    2. Swear it won't happen again and I will no longer do this to my body
    3. Get showered go into work hoping I'm fooling people but knowing I'm not
    4. Work my eight hours but around 2:00 the chatter starts
    5. Get in my car to go home constantly thinking about drinking but promising myself I won't
    6. Get off exit where I buy my liquor and promise myself I will have one and then pour the bottle down the drain
    7. Have one drink and feel relaxed but also realize I need to freshen up my drink
    8. Freshen up my drink and then realize 2 won't hurt
    9. After 2nd drink, slight buzz on and decide 3 will be the stopper
    10. End up drinking until I am drunk and stagger up to bed
    11. Repeat from step 1
    12. Need to stop this madness

    Will print this out and keep it in my car so I can not only replay the whole scenario in my head but also read what my next day/life will be like if I continue to drink.
    Tags: None
    #2
    Scenario

    Cuckoo, I needed a little reminder tonight; good on you for posting this - I think it speaks for so many people here. Stay strong!
    IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN
    Relapse starts long before the drink is drunk!!.Fresh Start!

    Comment

      #3
      Scenario

      Isn't this the truth - I wish I could bottle the way I feel in the morning and remember it when I am driving home! The mornings AF are so good, and I don't seem to be able to remember that on the way home when I am trying to navigate my car away from my normal stops! Stop the hamster wheel, I really want to get off!
      “The only courage you will ever need is the courage to live the life you want"

      Comment

        #4
        Scenario

        Wow koo, I swear for a minute you had copied and pasted one of my posts from a couple months back! Verbatim! My very day to a flippen tee.... For me straight liquor was my problem....

        I was on this site several days swearing that each day was the day I was gunna stop. I failed the first few days then finally told myself one day give yourself one flippen day you deserve it you can do it prove to yourself you can. If you wanna stop tomorrow you can. I had to work sooooo hard on that drive home to not let the chatter win this one day! I did it it felt sooooo great I have not stopped at that liquor store after work ever since.

        I do however moderately drink light beers some nights and some nights not at all a couple of beers is not a problem for me but I can never again stop and buy liquor.....

        YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!

        Also, I read a thread in here about what I hate/Loathe about AL and that really really really helped me...... Sorry posting from phone or I would post a link to it....
        And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off ~ Florence and the Machine

        Comment

          #5
          Scenario

          Cuckoo,

          The worst part for me was all the panic and anxiety in between all the physical stuff. Yeah I'd stumble into work looking like sh*t, but my mind would be doing flips. After really bad nights, just looking at my phone would send my heart racing...remembering things I'd said or done or texted or emailed....Inside I was dying and crying...outside I had to be happy and "normal". I finally quit when it became harder to drink than to not drink. Now I don't have to pretend, and I'm not worried about what I did or didn't do...and if I look like sh*t...well, that's just how I look. LOL

          Keep reminding yourself of how awful alcohol is...is a buzz really worth all of this??

          K9
          :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

          Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

          Comment

            #6
            Scenario

            vlivengood, this is exactly what I tell myself each night "just give yourself one day" and wonder why I can't when I want it so badly. It is only one f%$ing day. Seems you and I have much in common.

            then finally told myself one day give yourself one flippen day you deserve it you can do it prove to yourself you can.

            Comment

              #7
              Scenario

              daisy, glad my post helped you. It is amazing how we can fool ourselves that tomorrow will be different and yet the same scenario repeats itself over and over.

              Comment

                #8
                Scenario

                scottish lass, I'm with you about wanting to get off this hamster wheel. I've been talking to my neighbor who is a recovering alcoholic and she told me once the desire to quit becomes overwhelming is when we stop the madness. I wish you luck. I would love to come here soon and post an entirely different scenario.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Scenario

                  K9, I really relate to your post. I too feel like I am dying and crying inside but on the outside I put on the face of the joker. A lot of people I work with think I am always the one with the funny story or joke but how I wish I could tell them I'm slowly killing myself with this disease and desperately need help.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Scenario

                    Cuckoo - was thinking of this post all teh way home, the voices were really strong tonight. I ate a whole bag of gummies to try to quench them - and I do not like gummies - I also needed stuff from store (fairly important female stuff :H) but I am going to find a way to do without tonight as I knew it was just not safe, so in the house with the doors locked and wishing it would be bedtime really soon!
                    “The only courage you will ever need is the courage to live the life you want"

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Scenario

                      Good for you, scottish lass. I was talking to my neiighbor last night who has been in and out of rehab. She told me 2 years ago on Halloween her boyfriend had some friends over and they were drinking. He kept trying to get her to have a beer and she said no. She said the thought of a drink made her sick and she has been sober since. She sometimes goes to AA meetings but mainly does a lot of reading about alcoholism. I hope sometime everyone here gets to that point. Where it is no longer a constant struggle but just our reality. Hang in there girl, from what my neighbor says it does get easier. Use whatever means you can even if that is gummies.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Scenario

                        :new: I have copied and pasted your scenerio & put a copy in my pocket....hell iam going to put a copy on my dashboard, my bathroom mirror, everywhere! My cycle verbatim as well. sometimes having something staring you in the face as a reminder helps.
                        thank you for your post

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