Hi, all,
I was a member under a different name a couple years back. I followed the program, listened to the hypnotism cds, read the book a few times and stayed sober for a good while. And while I was doing that, I lost weight, ran my first marathon (at the age of 54) and my second one six months later. And so, I felt pretty dang good about myself for awhile. But here, this past summer, I just wanted to see if I could moderate my drinking. Wine was calling me, like a lover. I remembered feeling elegant and adult having a cocktail on a Friday night. Surely I could moderate, right? Surely I was now strong enough to know that one was good, two was delicious, but three was definitely NOT going to happen. Ever. Yeah, right.
Somehow, sometime during that second glass, someone else gets into power. I call it getting in the driver's seat, though I really do not EVER drive after a drink. Someone else makes the next and the next drink happen. I go from being a perfectly respectable woman to someone who hides a bottle in my closet, who sneaks to the liquor cabinet while my husband is in the bathroom, who pours the drinks so that no one else but me knows just how much I'm really drinking. I turn into a person I do not like. My sweet husband had tried to talk sense to me, let me know how much my drinking was hurting him, but I insisted that it wasn't such a big deal. Until this past weekend.
Now, six months after my big experiment of trying to moderate, I realized that the wine wasn't tasting good anymore. It hit harder faster. I was still feeling drunk the next morning, even when I really didn't have all that much to drink. And then, it happened, that thing I promised myself would never happen again. A night with my head in the toilet. Sitting there being so miserable because even laying in the bed is worse. Oh, lord. What a lovely sight. So, yes, I have finally finally finally come to the realization that alcohol is not elegant FOR ME. That I can not handle one glass of anything. It looks, now, like poison to me.
Today is only three days in, so I know very well there will be hard days coming when the craving starts, when I want to be "elegant" again and wonder why I can't. But Topamax and l-glut will help. I'll come here and check the mail. And I'll start training for another marathon. 57 isn't too old to start again. Thanks for listening, and thanks for being here.
I was a member under a different name a couple years back. I followed the program, listened to the hypnotism cds, read the book a few times and stayed sober for a good while. And while I was doing that, I lost weight, ran my first marathon (at the age of 54) and my second one six months later. And so, I felt pretty dang good about myself for awhile. But here, this past summer, I just wanted to see if I could moderate my drinking. Wine was calling me, like a lover. I remembered feeling elegant and adult having a cocktail on a Friday night. Surely I could moderate, right? Surely I was now strong enough to know that one was good, two was delicious, but three was definitely NOT going to happen. Ever. Yeah, right.
Somehow, sometime during that second glass, someone else gets into power. I call it getting in the driver's seat, though I really do not EVER drive after a drink. Someone else makes the next and the next drink happen. I go from being a perfectly respectable woman to someone who hides a bottle in my closet, who sneaks to the liquor cabinet while my husband is in the bathroom, who pours the drinks so that no one else but me knows just how much I'm really drinking. I turn into a person I do not like. My sweet husband had tried to talk sense to me, let me know how much my drinking was hurting him, but I insisted that it wasn't such a big deal. Until this past weekend.
Now, six months after my big experiment of trying to moderate, I realized that the wine wasn't tasting good anymore. It hit harder faster. I was still feeling drunk the next morning, even when I really didn't have all that much to drink. And then, it happened, that thing I promised myself would never happen again. A night with my head in the toilet. Sitting there being so miserable because even laying in the bed is worse. Oh, lord. What a lovely sight. So, yes, I have finally finally finally come to the realization that alcohol is not elegant FOR ME. That I can not handle one glass of anything. It looks, now, like poison to me.
Today is only three days in, so I know very well there will be hard days coming when the craving starts, when I want to be "elegant" again and wonder why I can't. But Topamax and l-glut will help. I'll come here and check the mail. And I'll start training for another marathon. 57 isn't too old to start again. Thanks for listening, and thanks for being here.
Comment