Not exciting, but still My Life

[SoberSoul]

Over-It, make sure you come back!! The worst thing you can do is stay away. Glad you posted. Imagine a year from now you can say I am sober for a whole year except a little hiccup early in my recovery ... and that hiccup is this one little blip!! Keep going. Over thirty days accomplished. You are on a roll. Ignore the blip and keep going. Don`t fall back into the old patterns. Do it for hubby, do it for us, do it for your son and your grandson but most importantly, DO IT FOR YOU!! I have been where you are many times and it`s more important now than ever to stay close to this site and post, post, post. Come visit us at my thread Ànyone in the First Week of Their Umpteenth Quit. We will help you through this. Hugs.

[Overit-still]

HA!!! Here I go again. Are you sick of hearing it? I am. But, what can you do but just keep trying. When I stop trying is when I'm dead. Today I'm just so grateful to be up, alive, sober and loved by God, who's mercy is renewed daily. (Thank goodness!)

[Overit-still]

Day 7! Feeling good and thankful. My house is party central right now with in-laws. I know I'm kind of a kill joy right now, at least I feel like it but I gotta do what I gotta do. It would be nice to go away for awhile with a bunch of books, my running shoes and my dog but instead life calls and I must engage.

[Next, please]

I will never have this licked (my father relapsed after 9 year sober and that relapse eventually cost him his life) but I just choose not to dwell on what I'm missing but instead on what I am gaining, daily.
[/QUOTE]

I am enjoying reading your story. I can relate in SO many ways.

I am back after a long absence (unfortunately just from the site and not AL) and this is my first post since the format change...so...

[Next, please]

So...that didn't work exactly right.

I meant to lift your quote, above [?QUOTE] and comment on it.

[Next, please]

You're so right in your thinking that you aren't out of the fight if you keep getting up. No matter how many times. And if you are still in the fight, you can WIN.

[ItsJustMe]

Over-it - if my calculations are correct, you are looking at a big ol' day 14 tomorrow! Hope I'm right!

Next, so you gotta hit the reset button every now and then. It happens (I'm the poster boy for it). I think the important thing when you relapse is to know to hit that reset button. I would like to think I would never relapse but I know that I'm not perfect. My plan is to deal with each day at a time. I don't have the mental energy to dwell on if/when I slip.

IJM

[Overit-still]

Good morning. Day 22 (?) here. Everyone sounds great but I do sense a little anxiety in the group. Let's just all breathe through our noses and into our bellies....shall we? I'll start

I'm feeling a little better today. I keep running the drinking scenario through my head. I have "a" drink but of course that won't be enough because I like to get drunk. Why drink if I'm not going to catch a buzz? And then to keep that buzz you have to keep drinking. I won't sleep. I'll wake up with a hangover and have to pretend like I'm really sick to cover it up. I'll waste the whole day feeling miserable and make my husband mad at me. Then I'll feel lousy, depressed, angry at myself for having let that happen, all because I thought I could enjoy a drink when I haven't been able to do that in years. Then to make myself feel better I'll drink the next night of course thinking that it could be any different from the first night and then I'll get the f&ckits and drink the next night and the next and the next, etc. Where will it stop? Maybe New Year's Day is a good day for a clean start but of course I said that last year. Then I drank that day just to celebrate the New Year and was going to stop after that but of course here we are a whole year later and that hasn't happened yet. And then the torture of stopping again. Getting it out of my system. Getting over the shakes and the night sweats. The red eyes. The weight gain. Whew! I'm tired just thinking about all of it.

Last night I was going through pictures to put together the famous memory board for my mother's funeral. I came across so many pictures of the skinny me. They were from 20 years ago but still. When I look at that person who had beautiful skin, a great smile, a cute body that didn't have to be worked for, and believe it or not, that person didn't drink and didn't miss a thing about it. (I didn't start drinking until I was 35) My husband, at the time, drank a lot. It didn't phase me one bit. I didn't desire it, didn't miss it, didn't like the taste, nothing about it turned me on. I'm kind of intrigued today. There was a time, 30-35 years old where I worked out like crazy, I did have a killer body, I wouldn't eat or drink anything that would counter all the hard work I was doing in the gym and I was the happiest in my life. Never felt deprived. hmmm......

Anyway, really random thoughts today. I hope everyone has a great day and stays sober.

Thanks for all the words yesterday. It really does help.

[Overit-still]

Hello, My name is over-it and I'm an alcoholic. That sucks but it is what it is. I will not let it define me. It's just as if I was a diabetic or an amputee right? Accept it, do what you can, don't do what will harm you and move on.

I don't know if this quit will stick but I am definitely in a different place. I have been a Christian all of my life and knew that my drinking was a sin. Drinking itself is not a sin, but when I drink to get drunk and lie to others about my drinking, that's a sin. I really feel called out by God right now to get it together. I feel like this is the time to get real. I don't want to disappoint God and I need to try and be the wife my husband married. One who cares and loves deeply and respects, not one who is only thinking of myself and my next drink or who constantly nags.

Only through prayer and reading of his Word and his great mercy will I be able to live the life he's called me to live.

Day 9. My hand writing is back, I'm not shaking so bad I can't put a utensil to my mouth, I remember my evenings, my house is getting cleaned and I'm kinder to my husband.

LET'S MAKE THIS WORK!

[Pavati]

Yay, Overit. Welcome back and good to see you. Let us know how we can help.

Pav

[available]

Great work on day 9 Over. Things get better as our bodies heal. Time and patience is what is required. You will be amazed at how good you will feel in time. I poured wine down my throat for years and Pav and I have 3 years in 2 months and we both will tell you that its hard work but never do we want to be back at day 1. Life is great, yours can be too.

[Overit-still]

It amazes me how much I resort to wanting to numb myself. I've had a rough 4 days and last night that's all I wanted. I wasn't craving a drink but someway to just say F*ck It! I wanted to just eat and eat but I had nothing yummy to satisfy me, then I thought OK, what about a cigar? But then I thought I would probably puke. So in the end I "smoked" a little. That sucks. Only because it's something I have to lie about, just like drinking. Hmmmm......

[Guitarista]

Good to see you Overit. Go for it friend. G

[treetops]

Good on you Overit for sticking this out. The healing process is kicking in. You mentioned
"So in the end I "smoked" a little. That sucks. Only because it's something I have to lie about, just like drinking'.
Without reading too much into this, was drinking, like smoking, your 'sinful secret'? Secrets can be a way that we carve out some space for ourselves - something we feel we have control over when we dont have to please others. Where we are not answerable to others (until the secret comes out- which it invariably does). I know for me drinking was when I could cut myself off from others and all the demands I felt were being put upon me. It was my time, my space, , my business. So in recovery I had to allow myself time for myself and not being answerable to others - especially in the domestic situation. Also I had to learn to not feeling guilty about not working like a maniac with my paid job.
Just a thought.

[Overit-still]

Treetops, thank you for your post. I'm going to have to ponder it.

For me, I just lied about the fact of HOW MUCH I drank from everyone. Even my husband. They would see maybe 1/4 of what I was actually drinking, hiding in the bedroom or bathroom or trunk or purse. It was ok to "have a cocktail" but I lied about having a six pack plus a full bottle every night.