Not exciting, but still My Life

[Overit-still]

Good morning. I'm planning on staying under covers all weekend. What are my go to snacks and books to enjoy?

I have a predicament. I am just losing all respect for my husband. I know, I go through times like this and then others that say I'm going to fight no matter what. The main thing that attracted him to me (and why I had an affair on my stable, working , family man was that he was a rebel. He was so carefree and I was the planner. Anyway, I can't get him to work. He is the laziest person ever. He wanted to live in this town, but he doesn't hold a job. We have no fire wood heading into this winter. I have to work my butt off and steal from Peter to pay Paul just to keep a roof over our heads. He is a functioning alcoholic. he says I've changed since we met (someone has to) and my drinking has made him fall out of love for me. We are just two roommates sharing the same bed for the last 4 years. Yes, 4 YEARS!!!! Anyway, if I try and talk to him about money he says I'm just jabbing him about not earning as much as me. No, try getting out of bed to go to work, that's a first step. Anyway, I don't know how much more I can do this. I try the build him up, compliment his masculinity and caring for our family, but even I know it's a fraud now. I've always lived in a man's house. I don't even know how I would do it.

[Pavati]

Hi, Overit:

I'm sorry about your predicament - sounds like a tricky one.

I read Tiny Beautiful Things which is a compilation of Dear Sugar advice columns that Cheryl Strayed (from Wild) wrote. It is short and sweet, with a lot of good advice. One of the pieces of advice she gives is to read your long pondering and see if you already know the answer. I don't know you or your husband (or your relationship) so I don't know the real answer, but you probably do. From what you post here, it sounds as if you might need to put your own oxygen mask on first, and then assess the situation. You'll be able to better do that with a clear, sober head. I recommend the book.

In the meantime, is there some way you could see a couples therapist there? Either with your husband or alone? They usually have sliding scales, and it may help you figure out what you need to do for you.

Good luck,
Pav

[Overit-still]

Hi, Overit:

I'm sorry about your predicament - sounds like a tricky one.

I read Tiny Beautiful Things which is a compilation of Dear Sugar advice columns that Cheryl Strayed (from Wild) wrote. It is short and sweet, with a lot of good advice. One of the pieces of advice she gives is to read your long pondering and see if you already know the answer. I don't know you or your husband (or your relationship) so I don't know the real answer, but you probably do. From what you post here, it sounds as if you might need to put your own oxygen mask on first, and then assess the situation. You'll be able to better do that with a clear, sober head. I recommend the book.

In the meantime, is there some way you could see a couples therapist there? Either with your husband or alone? They usually have sliding scales, and it may help you figure out what you need to do for you.

Good luck,
Pav

Hi Pav, I read back at my earlier posts and saw this. I've asked to go to counseling but he says no. He says that I've hurt him over the years (I say it was my drinking, he doesn't say that) and he can never love me again. Then what are we doing? He's pushed hard enough that I'm giving up too. It sucks. The benefits of splitting up certainly outweigh sticking together.....I think. I mean if I could have my loving, supportive husband back maybe not but.....I don't know. Breaking up will be hard with the animals and it kills me if I hurt his feelings because I do love him........

[Overit-still]

Re: Not exciting, but still My Life

7/2/18-Day 5......AGAIN!!!!! Just saying that pisses me of. In short, my husband left me 5/17, I moved out in October, have drank more in this last year than in my whole entire life I think. I just don't know what to do with myself. Anyway, it's been bad. I have to drink before work to ward off the shaking, drink throughout the day, then of course all night. I finally got called out by my pastor and a friend and lied to their faces. WHO DOES THAT?! There were several nights when I went to bed that I didn't think I would wake up, and I didn't care. I've got the make this quit stick. It's a matter of life and death for me. Using my antabuse. That's the only thing that keeps my AL brain from convincing me to pick up that first drink.

cheers!

[NoSugar]

Re: Not exciting, but still My Life

Welcome back, Over-it. That bottom sounds pretty rocky so kicking AL out of your life for good this time is important. I'm sorry life is so tough right now but we all know drinking makes everything worse in the long run.

Congratulations on making it to your (last!) day 5!

The Newbies Nest is pretty busy these days with some returners you might remember.

Anyway, it is great to see you and to know you're ready to get free and live the live you want and deserve. xx, NS

[Overit-still]

Re: Not exciting, but still My Life

Hi NS! good to hear from you. Yes, it's very slick right now. I just thank God I was able to detox on my own and it was pretty painless.....I was worried. So ya, I just don't know what to do with myself. I live in God's country and there is SO much to do here but I just hate to do it alone. And what I feel like doing alone, I have the guilt of leaving my dog alone long enough to do it. I'll learn I guess. This is my first summer on my own.

[paulywogg]

Re: Not exciting, but still My Life

7/2/18-Day 5......AGAIN!!!!! Just saying that pisses me of. In short, my husband left me 5/17, I moved out in October, have drank more in this last year than in my whole entire life I think. I just don't know what to do with myself. Anyway, it's been bad. I have to drink before work to ward off the shaking, drink throughout the day, then of course all night. I finally got called out by my pastor and a friend and lied to their faces. WHO DOES THAT?! There were several nights when I went to bed that I didn't think I would wake up, and I didn't care. I've got the make this quit stick. It's a matter of life and death for me. Using my antabuse. That's the only thing that keeps my AL brain from convincing me to pick up that first drink.

cheers!

Hey Overit,,been missing you around here,,I'm still here chugging along like a broken down car who's engine has stalled,congrats on day 5! Get it girl!!

[Overit-still]

Re: Not exciting, but still My Life

I'm back.....again.....I really don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I guess I don't want it bad enough. I'm messing up enough I'm going to get called out again and I don't think any level of lying will get me out of it. I want my life to be an open book, as far as nothing to hide. We'll see. The problem is, I sober up, start feeling good, then convince myself to just enjoy one evening with just one drink. That of course turns into at least 1/2 pint and then a binge from 1-2 weeks before I suffer through detox to quit again. I really need to figure out this brain of mine. Day 8 in the works.

[abcowboy]

Your post really hit home with me Overit because I was the exact same way! Got a few weeks or months of sober time in and figured I'd finally learned how to control my drinking. But it didn't take long for the drinking to control me again! One of the best things about being sober is not having to come up with lies and excuses as to why I was drinking, what lie haven't I used yet, or at least not as often, and drinking was the biggest reason that I lied, to myself and to those I love. There's nothing to lie about anymore, and it's so much nicer not to have to lie about anything.

Near as I can figure, there's not much brain figuring you need to do. Just accept the fact that you're an alcoholic, that just one drink will always lead to more, and move forward from there. And with now 9 days behind you, you're well on your way to lasting sobriety! It's great to have you back!

[Overit-still]

Re: Not exciting, but still My Life

abcowboy, thank you.

[Overit-still]

Re: Not exciting, but still My Life

I'M BACK!!!! Lots of life changes. I'll update later. Day 59 here and doing great.

[4theboyz]

Re: Not exciting, but still My Life

Day 59 is quite the splash back in the pool! Awesome going!
What has been your longest stretch so far?