Hi, Merry Christmas to all, I hope you are all having a wonderful time with your family/friends.
I used to be a member of My Way Out community about 7 years ago and today, Christmas Day of all days, googled it again. I wanted to read my story I wrote when I'd been really struggling with my alcohol consumption, as I am back there again . . . struggling, despite my actual consumption being much less than before. I don't know why I stopped taking the herbs, why I stopped visiting the website, ego probably, thought I could do it on my own.
Every year I keep a record of the days I drink, trying by myself to reduce it. This year I've used alcohol on 76 nights to medicate myself which I think is terrible. Currently I've been drinking a bottle of wine twice a week, sometimes only one, and I'm not happy with the way I feel about myself. Over the past few years I've noticed how alcohol affects my moods - I feel tired, exhausted, irritable the day following one of my binges. My body seems to be taking longer to recover - my sleep is terrible. I don't seem present and feel like a zombie. I have used alcohol to directly cope with big upsets, when I'm stressed to the point that it feels like the easiest thing to do, but I have been working on other strategies such as exercise and meditation, though it's very hard to meditate with extreme anxiety. I've tried to do it all on my own, without support, without telling people, without herbs. Quite frankly I'm sick of myself and the struggle. Sometimes I think there's no actual upset to make me drink, it's just a rotten habit . . . what I don't like is that I think alcohol controls me, not the other way around. Depending on what happens in my day, how stressed I am, will depend on whether I drink.
I'm now 42 years of age, my son is about to leave home. I don't want to drink at home any more. I think it's sad. I've had my heart broken since I last posted and while it's a distant memory sometimes being alone, with no family support and friends busy with their own lives, well it's just easier to drink and forget about everything.
When I'm socialising with people, I'm chatting and can just have one or two, but at home, away from prying eyes, I "go into myself" and drink, drink, drink until it's all gone. I don't like that person any more.
I'm on leave from work, which is my biggest stressor, for 3 glorious weeks, and I've decided to detox from alcohol the entire time. I've done this before and it feels great, but I am aware that it's easy as I'm not stressed. So this time I'm doing it properly, I've just ordered all my herbs, I've rejoined the community and I've got my diary all ready so I can plan my exercise which really helps. This has probably been "too much information". Thanks for reading and have a Happy Christmas.:h My son and I are going to a friend's place, a non-drinking friend's place! after lunch to hang out and have a swim. Today is Day 4
Jane :-)
(This is my old post, from 23 Oct 2005, in a way it was good to read it to see how far I've come, but also as a reminder that I still have a way to go):
My drinking started about 10-12 years ago (I'm now 35), it was a stressful time, new partner, baby came along a decade premature, work hassles, well life really. I had a less than conventional upbringing, religious sect, but that's all behind me though sometimes still impacts me as my family are still involved in the sect. Needless to say my family rarely consumed alcohol & at one stage in late teens I was smug enough to think, well I must be ok having escaped that upbringing, anyone else would be on drugs or an alcoholic. How ironic now . . .
My (now ex) partner also drank quite a bit, I often feel it would not have happened if he was teetotal. We always had alcohol in the house.
When we broke up several years ago, I was drinking 3-4 glasses of wine per night, with an alcohol free night once a week (because I worked the grave-yard shift that day). As my funds were limited, I decided to move from casks to bottles of wine. My theory was A: I would save money as I would buy maybe 2 bottles a week and B: I would drink less. I now know through practical experience that I am drinking more and spending more. I consume a whole bottle of wine 5-6 days a week. I moved a few months ago and am now living within 200 metres of the bottle shop, so sometimes the first bottle isn't enough & I wander down to purchase a 2nd. I did this 2 weeks ago, my sister rang up & I can't remember what I said to her & am too afraid to call her.
I don't think I even like the taste anymore. I adore the first glass, the 2nd is also nice but from 3rd onward I dislike the drunk I become. I would like to mostly abstain, though occasionally drink at weddings, social functions, no more than one.
I?ve tried to quit drinking but the cravings always get the better of me.
Well I've been doing this program for a couple of months (All One Powder, all vitamins & CDs - no Topa) and while I have struggled & have had a few relapses, I've kept a diary of my drinking and all in all, I'm in a much better place than before.
Out of 65 days, I drank on 22 of these days. I tried to go tee-total but found I really missed the Friday night drinks so am now trying to abstain during the week & allowing myself Friday & Saturday nights to indulge a little. It reminds me of the silly diets I've tried over the years, if I stop eating something the cravings for that one thing are out of this world. So I'm trying moderation and I'm happy with that.
I feel so much better especially at work with a clear head, though I must say I was unprepared for the emotional issues and depression from way back that have re-surfaced. I'm sure it's a good thing in the end
I used to be a member of My Way Out community about 7 years ago and today, Christmas Day of all days, googled it again. I wanted to read my story I wrote when I'd been really struggling with my alcohol consumption, as I am back there again . . . struggling, despite my actual consumption being much less than before. I don't know why I stopped taking the herbs, why I stopped visiting the website, ego probably, thought I could do it on my own.
Every year I keep a record of the days I drink, trying by myself to reduce it. This year I've used alcohol on 76 nights to medicate myself which I think is terrible. Currently I've been drinking a bottle of wine twice a week, sometimes only one, and I'm not happy with the way I feel about myself. Over the past few years I've noticed how alcohol affects my moods - I feel tired, exhausted, irritable the day following one of my binges. My body seems to be taking longer to recover - my sleep is terrible. I don't seem present and feel like a zombie. I have used alcohol to directly cope with big upsets, when I'm stressed to the point that it feels like the easiest thing to do, but I have been working on other strategies such as exercise and meditation, though it's very hard to meditate with extreme anxiety. I've tried to do it all on my own, without support, without telling people, without herbs. Quite frankly I'm sick of myself and the struggle. Sometimes I think there's no actual upset to make me drink, it's just a rotten habit . . . what I don't like is that I think alcohol controls me, not the other way around. Depending on what happens in my day, how stressed I am, will depend on whether I drink.
I'm now 42 years of age, my son is about to leave home. I don't want to drink at home any more. I think it's sad. I've had my heart broken since I last posted and while it's a distant memory sometimes being alone, with no family support and friends busy with their own lives, well it's just easier to drink and forget about everything.
When I'm socialising with people, I'm chatting and can just have one or two, but at home, away from prying eyes, I "go into myself" and drink, drink, drink until it's all gone. I don't like that person any more.
I'm on leave from work, which is my biggest stressor, for 3 glorious weeks, and I've decided to detox from alcohol the entire time. I've done this before and it feels great, but I am aware that it's easy as I'm not stressed. So this time I'm doing it properly, I've just ordered all my herbs, I've rejoined the community and I've got my diary all ready so I can plan my exercise which really helps. This has probably been "too much information". Thanks for reading and have a Happy Christmas.:h My son and I are going to a friend's place, a non-drinking friend's place! after lunch to hang out and have a swim. Today is Day 4
Jane :-)
(This is my old post, from 23 Oct 2005, in a way it was good to read it to see how far I've come, but also as a reminder that I still have a way to go):
My drinking started about 10-12 years ago (I'm now 35), it was a stressful time, new partner, baby came along a decade premature, work hassles, well life really. I had a less than conventional upbringing, religious sect, but that's all behind me though sometimes still impacts me as my family are still involved in the sect. Needless to say my family rarely consumed alcohol & at one stage in late teens I was smug enough to think, well I must be ok having escaped that upbringing, anyone else would be on drugs or an alcoholic. How ironic now . . .
My (now ex) partner also drank quite a bit, I often feel it would not have happened if he was teetotal. We always had alcohol in the house.
When we broke up several years ago, I was drinking 3-4 glasses of wine per night, with an alcohol free night once a week (because I worked the grave-yard shift that day). As my funds were limited, I decided to move from casks to bottles of wine. My theory was A: I would save money as I would buy maybe 2 bottles a week and B: I would drink less. I now know through practical experience that I am drinking more and spending more. I consume a whole bottle of wine 5-6 days a week. I moved a few months ago and am now living within 200 metres of the bottle shop, so sometimes the first bottle isn't enough & I wander down to purchase a 2nd. I did this 2 weeks ago, my sister rang up & I can't remember what I said to her & am too afraid to call her.
I don't think I even like the taste anymore. I adore the first glass, the 2nd is also nice but from 3rd onward I dislike the drunk I become. I would like to mostly abstain, though occasionally drink at weddings, social functions, no more than one.
I?ve tried to quit drinking but the cravings always get the better of me.
Well I've been doing this program for a couple of months (All One Powder, all vitamins & CDs - no Topa) and while I have struggled & have had a few relapses, I've kept a diary of my drinking and all in all, I'm in a much better place than before.
Out of 65 days, I drank on 22 of these days. I tried to go tee-total but found I really missed the Friday night drinks so am now trying to abstain during the week & allowing myself Friday & Saturday nights to indulge a little. It reminds me of the silly diets I've tried over the years, if I stop eating something the cravings for that one thing are out of this world. So I'm trying moderation and I'm happy with that.
I feel so much better especially at work with a clear head, though I must say I was unprepared for the emotional issues and depression from way back that have re-surfaced. I'm sure it's a good thing in the end
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