Another try

[beherenow]

Hmmm... where to start.

At this moment it feels so depressing. I string together a number of days/ weeks of being sober and suddenly I lose my resolve and start binge-drinking for a few days. This is a regular pattern now.

I have made my first post here about a year back. In all these days, I must have had a dozen or so drinking bouts. And to think that I got myself sober for a full two years from mid-2008 onwards!

Yesterday, again had three- four drinks in the evening. Slept very badly, woke up in the middle of the night with a very empty head and a bad cold & painful, runny nose. Just was in a zombie-like state and got up from bed very late. No sense of resolve, just a bottomless well of apathy and dejection.

The weather is extremely cold, so I am not even getting any physical exercise.

A new year is just a few days away. This year, I have not even taken the time to chart out my goals/ my path for the next year.

First, I need to get my sobriety back. I know I have slipped far too many times, but it is my duty to keep persevering. This is a post fo future memory - to remind myself of how horrible I feel when I drink.

So let me give it another, hopefully honest try, to get a few sober days below my belt. If any friends can chime in with a few words of wisdom and encouragement, that would be great.

Day one, starts right here, right now.

[paulywogg]

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hi be here,my drinking is like that too couple days off,weeks off then bam back to drinking again so over it,lets stop this stupid cycle o.k?im done

[Overit44]

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Behere-The AF life that awaits you is so awesome. I have 17 days under my belt I never plan on turning back. At this moment in time I am using a crutch called Antabuse. It make you deathly ill if you drink while it is in your system. That's what I need right now. When a thought crosses my mind, I just shoo it away. There is no argument. I cannot physically allow alcohol into my system. It really helps with the mind games I try and play on myself. I really hope you find your life line. We all deserve the AF lifestyle. Hang in there and visit us at the newbies nest.

[cpn1004]

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BeHereNow, great name. Reminds me of Ram Dass book.
Any way, that is a good attitude to start towards sobriety, one day at a time and staying in the moment.

[beherenow]

Another try

Thanks everyone, who have words of wisdom and encouragement for me.

Hippyman, I need to again strengthen my resolve by using the tools suggested by you.

paulywogg, you too seem to be in the same predicament; let's both aim for a decent stretch of sober days/ weeks under our belt.

Overit44, great that you have already put in 17 days of sobriety. I do have the experience of staying sober for a long time. Then I did it without any chemicals, but with huge support from a like-minded quit buddy. I shall try the same now.

cpn1004(Phil), So very true that I hit upon the screenname while reading Ram Dass's seminal book on spirituality. Probably, had a fond hope of spiritually growing up to his level of understanding. At this moment, I am far, far away from that state.

It is day two for me and already the panic, the pain and the mind fog seem to be slowly clearing up. I see that I have now developed a severe physical reaction to drinking - the withdrawal/ hangover is very unpleasant and depressing.

I shall take it one day at a time. Maybe the first goal is to be alcohol-free for seven days.

[Tipplerette]

Another try

All the best in the new year BeHereNow, the buddy thing is a strong motivator. Well you have hundreds of buddies here on MWO and a few will emerge as your closer conspirators if you post regularly. It just takes time. Any day spent not drinking is a better one than one spent drunk. ODAT. xox

[nurdl]

Another try

I have to agree with Overit. Being AF is awesome. I went out to dinner last night. It was a BYOB. The other couple brought wine and my husband had a glass. I had sparkling water and a terrific time. Not a single yearning for the wine. My 116 days AF are my motivation. I worked too hard to lose that time.

You can do this too!

[ThreeDogNight]

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Just want to say:welcome:back, and keep posting and reading here. Lots of great threads and lots of help and support!

[beherenow]

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Day 4

Tipperlette, I am sure regular posting will help me in my journey.

Nurdl, nice to know that you are almost four months alcohol-free. I am sure with time, the cravings/ caving-ins will reduce in intensity.

ThreeDogNight, thanks for the welcome.

Day 2 and day 3 safely negotiated. Saturday evening, got busy trying my hand in preparing dinner for myself. Also spent the evening re- reading Sherlock Holmes's Adventures after about 20 years; and listening to music; and doing the laundry. The bottomline is to keep myself busy & occupied.

Tonight would be a danger point. The New Year Eve's celebrations would most probably be with friends and that would be a time for temptations. As the get-together would be a family, social affair, it is an event that cannot be skipped. I need to come up with good reasons and stronger resolve to let the danger pass.

I am sure all friends here are preparing their own ways to battle the lurking New Year threat.

[beherenow]

Another try

New Year

I have slipped.

Yesterday night, sat with friends and family and did not resist having a couple of drinks. It feels very embarassing to confess, as there have been a number of friends who have written words of encouragement here. I let them all down, I let myself down.

The only saving grace is that it was not a binge to excess, so at least I am not terribly hungover. The depression, if any, shall hit me a bit later in the day.

This is the start of a New Year and I know it can be a time for making a fresh start - a start where we make efforts to minimize self-destructive behavioural patterns.

I just take this again as my day one and move forward.

I wish all friends a very happy new year.

[Kradle123]

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Please BeHere don't feel like you have letvanyone down. :h

This is your journey and as far as I can see you are doing fine. None of us started drinking at our current quit levels so any and all reductions are terrific progress. You have wonderful family and friends by the sounds of it so onward into the new year! :l

[beherenow]

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Day 2

Thanks Kradle, for reminding me of the blessings that I have in life.

Right now my drinking has not gone out of hand, but I am in a state where even a small slip is making me very anxious knowing how it had complicated and troubled my life even a few years back.

The thrust now is to remain alcohol-free for an extended period of time. The problem with drinking for me is that it - the drinking as well as the after-effects -consumes a large part of time and energy, which I can put to more productive & spirit-enhancing uses.

Again taking it one day at a time is my mantra.

[beherenow]

Another try

day 3

Yesterday was a very average day. Work, and then spent a quiet evening at home.

Today, started the morning with a short walk for about 20 minutes. Tried to even run a couple of laps but felt very rusty. Shall again start this habit of exercising in the morning, to keep my mood up.

I know that my daily journal here might be looking very self-indulgent to other readers but this provides me a marker of how I am moving forward. Shall keep me accountable as I try to keep my life alcohol-free.

A very good day to all!

[Hippyman]

Another try

beherenow;1433995 wrote: Thanks everyone, who have words of wisdom and encouragement for me.

Hippyman, I need to again strengthen my resolve by using the tools suggested by you.

paulywogg, you too seem to be in the same predicament; let's both aim for a decent stretch of sober days/ weeks under our belt.

Overit44, great that you have already put in 17 days of sobriety. I do have the experience of staying sober for a long time. Then I did it without any chemicals, but with huge support from a like-minded quit buddy. I shall try the same now.

cpn1004(Phil), So very true that I hit upon the screenname while reading Ram Dass's seminal book on spirituality. Probably, had a fond hope of spiritually growing up to his level of understanding. At this moment, I am far, far away from that state.

It is day two for me and already the panic, the pain and the mind fog seem to be slowly clearing up. I see that I have now developed a severe physical reaction to drinking - the withdrawal/ hangover is very unpleasant and depressing.

I shall take it one day at a time. Maybe the first goal is to be alcohol-free for seven days.

I am here with you. Right by your side so keep on keeping up with those tools. We would not try to plant a tree with our bare hands. We'd get a shovel to help. The tree would have a better chance at growing if we use the right tool to plant it! Right? PS... I read Ram Dass and found it interesting.

[RunningCourage]

Another try

beherenow;1437233 wrote: Yesterday was a very average day. Work, and then spent a quiet evening at home.

Today, started the morning with a short walk for about 20 minutes. Tried to even run a couple of laps but felt very rusty. Shall again start this habit of exercising in the morning, to keep my mood up.

I know that my daily journal here might be looking very self-indulgent to other readers but this provides me a marker of how I am moving forward. Shall keep me accountable as I try to keep my life alcohol-free.

A very good day to all!

NO! NOT self-indulgent at all. I think the journal is an EXCELLENT way to help you navigate this journey. I keep one myself (the Stella thread) and find it utterly invaluable to put a whole tirade of guff down. I don't give a fig who, if anyone, reads it. Of course I hope others get something from it, but primarily I write for me. It is through writing that i try to unearth what is happening, what I am feeling, where I have been and where I am going. As with this thread BHN, this is for you.

But i will say that you will be unwittingly helping many others who read it, learn from it, relate to it.

Keep it going.

RC