My story is probably very familiar to many. I started drinking socially as a teenager . Drink being such a large part of the social life culture, I drank most weekends and especially at times of celebration. My parents were no bad role models. Mother an occasional drinker who preferred tea to anything else and Dad who drank on high days and holidays. I married a guy who always had alcohol in the house and who drank regularly to relieve the stresses of his demanding job. At first I didn?t enjoy drinking habitually but very gradually I joined him in his almost every night habit of a few gin and tonics. As the years went by I seemed to become habituated and was no longer satisfied with 2, more like 4/5 sometimes followed by a shared bottle of red wine. For many years this was the pattern and yet I felt that if I had to stop for any length of time I could manage it. All our friends seem to be doing the same thing. It was the occasional friend who didn?t drink and we almost felt sorry for them.
Fast forward about 20 years and I now find myself hiding bottles of wine from my husband who seems less attached to booze than I am and who knows when he?s had enough. I have developed a dependency and I?m scared. I don?t drink an excessive amount but half a bottle of wine is never enough. It has to be a full bottle a day or nearly every day of the week drank in the evening over dinner. The hiding of the bottles was a big clue that I should take action but it?s amazing how you can put it out of your mind day after day.
I love my husband but though I?ve admitted to him that I need to stop because I felt dependent my husband is in denial about my dependency because I don?t suffer withdrawals when I stop. He says I can?t be physically addicted if I don?t get withdrawals. He thinks I could moderate like him. But he?s wrong. I suffer insomnia and anxiety and I know full well I can?t stop at one or two any more. (I think he also might fear that he?s losing his drinking buddy and it might make him face his own habit if I manage to stop)
Anyway I have had a moment of Grace from where I don?t know but it?s like I?ve suddenly wakened up out of a bad dream and I want my life back again without alcohol. I am prepared for a rough ride for although I don?t suffer shakes or tremendous urges I am completely psychologically dependent by this time and have used AL in all circumstances party times bad times mediocre times stress times, holidays, long flights, boring times you name it. There are many triggers waiting to happen for me to deal with. I know from past experience that it?s when I feel better and that I have conquered something that I tend to let my guard down and the sneaky voices can get in that persuade me I don?t really have a dependency after all and I can go back to moderation. I have to be prepared for those seductive lies and know that they will continue for a long time maybe. I really hope to be around My Way Out for a good long time to see it through. Thanks for listening.:thanks:
Kairos
Fast forward about 20 years and I now find myself hiding bottles of wine from my husband who seems less attached to booze than I am and who knows when he?s had enough. I have developed a dependency and I?m scared. I don?t drink an excessive amount but half a bottle of wine is never enough. It has to be a full bottle a day or nearly every day of the week drank in the evening over dinner. The hiding of the bottles was a big clue that I should take action but it?s amazing how you can put it out of your mind day after day.
I love my husband but though I?ve admitted to him that I need to stop because I felt dependent my husband is in denial about my dependency because I don?t suffer withdrawals when I stop. He says I can?t be physically addicted if I don?t get withdrawals. He thinks I could moderate like him. But he?s wrong. I suffer insomnia and anxiety and I know full well I can?t stop at one or two any more. (I think he also might fear that he?s losing his drinking buddy and it might make him face his own habit if I manage to stop)
Anyway I have had a moment of Grace from where I don?t know but it?s like I?ve suddenly wakened up out of a bad dream and I want my life back again without alcohol. I am prepared for a rough ride for although I don?t suffer shakes or tremendous urges I am completely psychologically dependent by this time and have used AL in all circumstances party times bad times mediocre times stress times, holidays, long flights, boring times you name it. There are many triggers waiting to happen for me to deal with. I know from past experience that it?s when I feel better and that I have conquered something that I tend to let my guard down and the sneaky voices can get in that persuade me I don?t really have a dependency after all and I can go back to moderation. I have to be prepared for those seductive lies and know that they will continue for a long time maybe. I really hope to be around My Way Out for a good long time to see it through. Thanks for listening.:thanks:
Kairos
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