My boring story

[Siren136]

I don't have many friends - close ones anyway. It's hard for me to get close to people in real life. But you'd never know it. I come off as warm and funny and outgoing. It's an act.

I started drinking at age 15. I was a binge drinker through college, but never had a daily problem. I got a great job and got married to a good guy who I thought loved me and would care for me forever. We loved beer and loved going out to be social with our friends. I didn't think about alcohol unless we were at the bar.

We bought our dream house and I started working from home - same great job. We redecorated and finished the basement. My husband got deployed for 6 months here, 9 months there. It was tough to keep up the property by myself, but it made me drink less, not more. I was just too tired to drink, seriously.

I'm not exactly sure where everything started going wrong for us. He quit his job due to drama that he can't explain to this day. He started a business and almost immediately ended it. He got back the same job he was doing when we met (better pay, luckily). He hated the commute. To be fair, the road he traveled is seriously dangerous. I offered him other solutions - find a different route, stay with my family a couple nights (they live close to his job), stay on post. Nothing was good enough. So we had to give up our dream house and move closer to his work. I accept full responsibility for my part in this. I don't resent him for this but he thinks I do.

We don't like where we are now, but it's OK. I have occasionally traveled for work over the years. I've been to some awesome places and I'm very grateful for my experiences. I traveled more in 2011 than any other year, culminating in living in Mumbai for 3 months (Oct - Jan 2012). It was an incredible, wonderful, life-changing experience. I'm so grateful for my time there.

But I'm not the person he married. I couldn't be that even if I wanted to be. I was a person who had never left my time zone when he met me. Now I'm a world traveler who has caught the travel bug (he hates to fly).

I'm not sure when alcohol took over. I think it was in the dream house, towards the end of when we lived there. It was a very stressful time, but the alcohol took over prior to us deciding to move. One glass of wine turned to two, then three. It's insidious. It tasted so good I didn't realize. 6 years later I'm desperate to get out. That was that.

Just before I went to India my husband told me I needed to spend my time in India deciding if I wanted to be married or not. Well, of course I did, so that was that - no thought required. I drank at least a bottle of wine a night while in India. Shortly after I came home my husband told me he wanted a divorce. That was last June. We have been going to counseling but I'm not sure where we'll end up. Sometimes I think I'd be better off without him and sometimes that makes me very sad.

As I said - I don't have many friends. It's hard for me to get close to people. So I don't really have many people I can trust with what I'm going through.

[Blossoms]

My boring story

Hi Siren,
I have no good advice and don't really know what to say .... But I know the kind of hell it can be when everything is turning sour in your marriage

It's sad. Just so sad. Even if you are better of without him, it's sad that it has ended up like that.

A few years ago my marriage was so bad that I had checked out emotionally and thought about divorce every day. We did come back somewhat from that, and were getting on a lot better.... But it was very, very hard.
Before I get too complacent about that it has become obvious over the last few days that me giving up alcohol is going to shake things up.

[NoSugar]

My boring story

Hi, Siren

You have friends here! :h

Despite the sad and difficult parts, it sounds like there are aspects of your life that you really like. They sound exciting to me and now I have a clue as to where you've found some of your great recipes!

What other countries have you really enjoyed? My world travel includes just a few places in Europe - nothing too much different than the US. I lived the movie about India that came ot recently - Best Marigold Hotel or something like that. Was that like the Mumbai you experienced?

What are your other interests and hobbies?

And how are you doing with getting AL off your back?

Your friend, NS

[Siren136]

My boring story

NoSugar;1475326 wrote: Hi, Siren

You have friends here! :h

Despite the sad and difficult parts, it sounds like there are aspects of your life that you really like. They sound exciting to me and now I have a clue as to where you've found some of your great recipes!

What other countries have you really enjoyed? My world travel includes just a few places in Europe - nothing too much different than the US. I lived the movie about India that came ot recently - Best Marigold Hotel or something like that. Was that like the Mumbai you experienced?

What are your other interests and hobbies?

And how are you doing with getting AL off your back?

Your friend, NS

Thanks NS! For work I have been to:

England (several times - my favorite place)
Sweden (several times)
Portugal
Belgium
France
Canada
Poland
India

For pleasure:

Italy
Denmark
Mexico (a couple of times)
Scotland (my second favorite, love it there)
Bahamas
Costa Rica

When I travel for work I try to work some vacation in so I can see some things around the place I'm visiting. I like to work out - triathlon training, krav maga. I like spending time with my dogs and my family. I like reading and sudoku and room escape games.

But seriously, it's really hard to get myself motivated to work out. I don't have a diagnosis of depression, but I know for sure I am afflicted. Not so bad that I'm suicidal or anything - just enough that I can be lax on self care. If I worked out more I'd be better off.

I have not seen Best Exotic Marigold Hotel yet. I need to see it. A movie that made me really laugh is Outsourced. Lots of familiar experiences there.

[Kradle123]

My boring story

Hi Siren:

You are singing a lot my own song. I haven't traveled the exotic route you have but have lived in england and Europe for many years. In fact most of the foundation for my drinking and all the problems which came along after were built over there...in my twenties.

You didn't say if your husband drinks as you do...after the college days and the few beers/bars. Personally I believe this makes a huge difference in our relationship with our spouse. I met mine while i was really getting entrenched in the AL and he really doesn't drink but he bought into the warm, witty charming person I was when I drank...not sure who that is really
But I believe had I not been drinking I would not have married him..but then so much of my life would be completely different ...

But I have children..the cute guys up above so my situation is rather difficult.

Not certain what you mean by you aren't the person he married and couldn't be if you tried.?
Do you have kids?

Speaking of which mine are quarreling so I will check back soon,

And you do have friends here, absolutely !!

:l

[Siren136]

My boring story

Thanks Kradle! Yes he drinks - started out drinking worse than me, but I think I have eclipsed him.

I just mean that traveling and experiencing as many people and cultures as I have changes a person. I can't be the person I was in my early 30s if I wanted to. I don't remember who that person is!

And your kids are very cute!

[paulywogg]

My boring story

not a boring story at all! actually youve lived a life everybody would be jealous of,i know i am,ive only been to nv,cali,utah,idaho,ariz and tijuana twice woopee

[pixie]

My boring story

Hi Siren

Your title "My boring story" is not an accurate one at all - that was a very interesting and sometimes sad story. And a very familiar-sounding one to me. I finally clawed my way to being AF for two reasons - to get healthy again, and to have a clear mind in order to figure out what to do about my marriage. I'm still trying to figure it out, and your sentence "Sometimes I think I'd be better off without him and sometimes that makes me very sad" describes where I'm at perfectly. I can't picture myself in a happy life without him, but I also can't picture myself happy with him, if I'm being honest and not nostalgic.

One thing I'm realizing is that it's important to take things slow. You're going through lots of changes physically and emotionally while getting AF, and making any long-term decisions before you're on an even keel is not in your best interest. That's my advice to you and myself.

Best wishes to you. I hope you can keep your goals regarding AL in the forefront; it will be better for you, no matter how things turn out in your marriage.

[Siren136]

My boring story

Thanks Pixie.

Compared to others here I feel like I'm complaining about nothing. So many people have such tragic stories that mine sounds whiny and boring in comparison. So that's why I titled it as boring.

I don't know what life will bring for me. I honestly don't. For the first time in my life I don't know what I want. Very scary.

[Kradle123]

My boring story

Siren I don't known if it was you, but there was a post awhile back about a gal who was traveling on an Elephant safari and found no joy there at all ... Of course my immediate thought was "jeez! wouldn't be great to at least experience an elephant safari so I could come home and have the memory at least... If I have to be miserable at least I can be upset on an elephant in the middle of the jungle!!!

But then I realized that it didn't matter at all... an elephant safari, or a ski trip to the alps or living abroad or baking a cake are simply untouchable experiences when we are looking at ourselves with the misery and the uncertainty drinking every day creates for us.

So compared to others IMO you, me and everyone else here are all in the same boat.
The only way to get perspective back and find that joy or that confidence or that roadmap is to get further and further away from the AL...I have few friends as well, btw but as I get further away from AL I am getting closer to my family who in the end are my most trusted and loving companions.

Hugs and heart.
:h:l

[free at last]

My boring story

Hi Siren, thank you for posting your story. I actually wrote mine up but then the time had elapsed since I had signed in and I was no longer able to send (am not very computer savvy). Couldn't get inspired to write it again, but will do so one of these days.

I especially related to the fact that you aren't the person you were in your 30s. Isn't that a good thing? To know we are evolving? I am certainly not the woman my husband married 30 years ago, nor is he.

When I met my husband, I had been on an airplane once but he had traveled through Europe, South America, Australia and Africa. Like you, my work takes me to different countries, to work with people from different cultures, and requires a skill set I never knew I had 25 years ago. The travel sure has opened my eyes. But, in my case, I also tend to drink too much when I am on the road.

I also understand the sadness that can come in a marriage. The main thing my DH and I disagree on is my drinking. He prefers the sober, though maybe a little more boring (predictable?), me.

Thanks for having the courage to tell you story.