Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

[wtf_notagain]

My story.

Been drinking for 25 years, always the last at the party, always the guy pushing on when every body else knows its time to call it a night. Always good fun to be around when having drinks.

Right from the off, the drink allowed or enabled me to do crazy stuff (not sure which comes first, chicken or egg scenario). In the beginning it was silly minor stuff, such as jumping in water fountains fully clothed and other stupid stuff.

It escalated over time, fights(I stress only against other men never against females), numerous trips to the drink tank, destruction, broken bones, hospital.

As the years rolled on it relieved my anxiety when out, could never get enough. Drank if I was sad, drank if i was happy.

I met a good girl, she helped me keep on control on it. Life started to get good, achievements were made. The alcohol was kept under control with occasional bouts of excessiveness but these were rare.

Have a regular job, nice life, nice partner, three young children.

Last week on a work overnighter downtown with the job done, drank myself into a stupor celebrating the job completion, made an idiot of myself. Of which I have absolutely no memory, complete black out.

I'm devastated, all the hard work, becoming a descent human being again gone just like that. Its going to be a hard one to pick myself up from. I'm drinking more now, self medicating.

I can't tell my partner as she wouldn't understand and it would only offload my guilt. Once again the binge drinking has f'kd up my life, it never ends. Plus i tell and we lose everything, the kids have no father.


Lost. Soul has been ruptured, devastated.

Fck alcohol, i love ithate it but it has once again completely fk'd up my life

[kuya]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

What do you WANT to do ?

[kuya]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

Sorry WTf, maybe that wasn't clear. Are you here to quit alcohol ? It really isn't clear.

The infidelity is a problem but the bigger problem is the drinking.

[Guitarista]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

G'day WTF, and welcome.

We are just ripping ourselves off and wasting our precious life when we continue the booze merry go round. Stick around and get yourself a simple solid sobriety plan you can handle.

Look forward to seeing you around mate. Best wishes on your journey. Anything is possible, and you can do this.

[wtf_notagain]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

Thanks for the welcome and wise words

Yes the plan is something I will work towards

Thanks

[Wagoneer]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

WTF - hope you stay strong. Don't look back, only forward. You had a glitch, hopefully you learned from it. My screen name is Wagoneer for a reason - on and off the wagon so many times it makes my head spin. You are among friends and the future is bright - so long as you stop drinking. It is hard and it sucks sometimes, but it's a choice. A good life vs. a bad life. Not really a choice there, right? Sending thoughts for strength to you. You can do this and we will be here for you, okay?

[wtf_notagain]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

Thanks Wagoneer positive and wise words.

Its hard not to look back but you are right, no good comes of it.

Mostly I can control my behaviour when drinking, not the amount of drinking but i can control what happens.

I found that if I'm drinking and feel Emotional, Angry and Lonely(no mates around to look after you when out), crap can happen. This three combo don't come together often but when they do disaster can happen.

I certainly no that I need to stop drinking, have for years but its a bit like smoking takes a long time to get around to it. Plus the social stigma is massive...and pressure to drink is big

[sweetie78]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

I totally get the social pressure... none of my friends thinks i have a problem even when i blackout regularly

[Wildflowers]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

wtf_notagain;1478868 wrote: My story.

Been drinking for 25 years, always the last at the party, always the guy pushing on when every body else knows its time to call it a night. Always good fun to be around when having drinks.

Right from the off, the drink allowed or enabled me to do crazy stuff (not sure which comes first, chicken or egg scenario). In the beginning it was silly minor stuff, such as jumping in water fountains fully clothed and other stupid stuff.

It escalated over time, fights(I stress only against other men never against females), numerous trips to the drink tank, destruction, broken bones, hospital.

As the years rolled on it relieved my anxiety when out, could never get enough. Drank if I was sad, drank if i was happy.

I met a good girl, she helped me keep on control on it. Life started to get good, achievements were made. The alcohol was kept under control with occasional bouts of excessiveness but these were rare.

Have a regular job, nice life, nice partner, three young children.

Last week on a work overnighter downtown with the job done, drank myself into a stupor celebrating the job completion, made an idiot of myself. Of which I have absolutely no memory, complete black out.

I'm devastated, all the hard work, becoming a descent human being again gone just like that. Its going to be a hard one to pick myself up from. I'm drinking more now, self medicating.

I can't tell my partner as she wouldn't understand and it would only offload my guilt. Once again the binge drinking has f'kd up my life, it never ends. Plus i tell and we lose everything, the kids have no father.


Lost. Soul has been ruptured, devastated.

Fck alcohol, i love ithate it but it has once again completely fk'd up my life

I wish you could abstain for a while & re-read your post as you might see the contradiction in your words. I all to remember this to. "Could live with it, couldn't live with out it". "The Jumping Off Point". Millions of us have felt this way all around the globe. Then we'd start to feel better for a time, & back at it again.

If you want to like & love yourself, then stop f***ing up your life! Then your going to have to be 100% honest, surrender to the fact that it's a major problem & it will not get better, only worse with time. Take action, make a plan to get well & live the best, most healthiest life possible. The real one your suppose to live.... Don't let alcohol steal any more time.

Your soul wants to be happy, cries to be free. Nurture it now. Find a way. Time go's quick. Children grow up. Don't live in regrets. I hope you start living!

We think our loved ones aren't aware, just cause of binge drinking. I doubt they are clueless. Alcohol has a way of making it's presence known & stealing others joy.

I hope you find your way out, before it takes anything else from you!...:l

[gofigerr]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

I'm feel for you

I'm a woman, but I'm in the same stage of disgust as you it sounds like. Except my husband took video of my "black out" on his phone. Last week started out great. we went fishing, on the way home about noon husband said "want to stop for a taco and a beer for lunch?" "sure" I said. I've been drinking pretty steadily for the last year, it was actually exactly a year ago April that I tried to quit drinking last attempt. Anyway, I decided it was too hot for wine or beer and had a mai tai. I guess I had 4, I don't remember anything after halfway through the second. That's how it is with me, I never know when the alcohol will turn on me because it doesn't always. This time it did with a vengeance. My husband says we left the bar and were headed to friends house for a barbque, half way there I started hitting him, tried to jump out of the car, asked him to kill me, threw up out the window driving down the street. He took me home, I jumped out of the car (all around 5pm broad day light) walked into the bushes, he had to carry me up the stairs to the apartment, I passed out on the bathroom floor, pissed myself and missed work on Monday. I don't remember any of it, but it's not the first time and if I don't quit it won't be the last. I'm not a daily drunk, I don't drink day and night.... but when I saw the video he took it could have been on Intervention. I don't EVER want to look like that again. Sad thing is my husband grew up around alcoholics and he accepts it as just one of those things that happens when you drink sometimes. I'm 6 days in. Good luck to you. Get whatever support you can wherever you can.

[Erik K]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

WTF, don’t really have advice. I was a much heavier drinker than you and i quit cold turkey Nov 14 2012. I have not touched it since and i can honestly say i never will. I drank for 27 years pretty much everyday. Don’t know why I’m still alive but I am and I am doing ok so far. Not much energy but Byrdie says it will come back in time and i believe her. I have always been strong except when it came to booze. Now i have beaten that. The love of a wonderful woman, or rather potentially loosing that woman was what turned me. We all have our moment and that was mine. I never really had the problems you have had though. Never got in trouble, never DUI, never arrested, no broken bones, hmm you’ve really put yourself through it haven’t you. Well WTF my friend I guess i do have a weee bit of advice.... you ready....its time to stop. Just stop. Suffer you will, Suffer you must. So what, your suffering now, what’s the difference. That’s my best advice. Write me back if you want to know what helped me and maybe i can help you.

[wtf_notagain]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

Thanks again for the kind words and advice

Have started drinking "socially" again, its funny how time abates shame and as you all say we slip back into the hook slowly.

Reading back over this and reading further comments it is clear i need and should stop, as some of you have mentioned it has a way of slipping back in, bringing the miserable with it.

Going to give it a go

[Doggygirl]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

Hi WTF. Isn't it amazing how quickly we can forget the pain?

Being a non-drinker was so hard at first. Physical cravings. Mind games. Social pressures. On and on. I can only say that stopping the madness with alcohol was the second best thing I ever did. The BEST thing I ever did was quit smoking cigarettes. But it's a close tie between the two.

As the years go by and I am farther and farther from that lifestyle, and continue finding the REAL ME under all that old garbage, the happier I am. I'm a better wife, daughter, friend, employee, student, mentor, neighbor, member of society than I ever could be with alcohol ruling my life.

Quit. You will not regret it. At least not once you get far enough away from it.

DG

[Siren136]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

DG - I'm going to save this and read it lots of times - thanks!

[wtf_notagain]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

DoggyGirl, yes it is truly amazing how quick the mind forgets the pain

Bizarrely my drinking "friends" on that night in question won't let me forget and its a source of amusement for them. These people watched me drowning metaphorically

I could lose everything that is dear to me wife and 3 beautiful kids.

When does the anguish abide? when do the loved ones who really matter forgive? or able to forgive if a concerted effort is made to kick the booze?

They say we should have no regrets, can a drinker ever truly have no regrets?

I was talking to a medical practioner this week and his view was that "people are still the same and just do what they want to do on alcohol that they are afraid or inhibited to do while sober!!!" Can you believe the ignorance of that statement. He saw it like an enabler. What a crock of. I let it pass but i thought if i directed him to this site how he would see this is not the case