Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

[Moonchild67]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

Gofiggerr I so feel for you and relate to your situation. I also am not a daily binger, altho a daily drinker, and never know when the dreaded blackout will hit, sometimes it takes a litre of whiskey sometimes a couple of drinks (hormones seem to play a part) I am a mum to a gorg son, good hubbie and have been battling the drink for 30 years, have been to AA, counselling, lurked on this site for 3 years and am currently on Naltrexone altho it makes me so ill, I'd rather drink!!! Well not really. My story is a long one, and am not quite ready to post it here, but this is a big step just posting! Im feel for and relate to everyone on this site, it's an awful and insidious disease that seems to get worse with age.

[Dave_]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

Don't justify what you do by the amount you got away with. Just because you did shit others couldn't or wouldn't doesn't make your decisions right. You have a choice. You have free will. The booze is an excuse and a way for you to abdicate responsibilty for your actions. Getting loaded and out of control is just an outlet for you immature self to become the centre of attention.

Get a grip and fight back. Look deeply in your soul and decide if you can save yourself. If not then lay down and die because that the obvious outcome. If you can fight, then stand up and fight. In the depths of my problems a wise person told me that if I continued to cry and whinge and had given up I might as well blow my head off. If I chose to fight then that was another story.

Choose to fight!

[wtf_notagain]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

Moonchild good on you. It is tough to put it out there no doubt about that but support is key.

Dave_ strong words and I get your sentiments about fighting back, action and strength is undoubtedly required. I get your message.
Re: Drink, choice, responsibility and will well I think its a bit more complex than that. We all have a good angel and bad angel on our shoulders. Depending on the situation around you at the time, the lonelines, anger and emotion. These create weakness that could be exploited by people with ulterior motives, people who do not have your best interest at heart. It can be an ugly and bad world out there, if you come across the wrong people at the wrong time, when you're down, feeling hurt the drink fuels it, exacerbating everything. Foe's you think are your friends, you talk to anybody who'll listen, you think they care, the fight in your soul is gone in that moment. I've been there, I'm sure many have. Luck plays are part or if you exclude luck or fate then its just chance. Sometimes we are lucky, sometimes we are not. I don't think its about getting attention, the attention are cries for help. Sometimes we ask the wrong people or look in the wrong place for help

[supermario]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

I agree with Erik K, prepare yourself to suffer at the beginning of your sobriety, like he says, suffer you will, suffer you must, but only temporarily, it gets much easier over time.
I understand your pain and suffering, been there, done that myself many times.
I like Erik K was a very low key drunk, never got into accidents, never a DIU, no broken bones, but I could feel that I was killing myself with every drink, after 25 years of heavy drinking, with the 5 years being the worst. I literally felt poisoned. I could drink a full bottle of whiskey and then some and still be able to work in my yard. I would drink 8-10 beers before I got to a party and still drink the same amount or more than anyone there, it was disgusting!! I'd be the last one to leave.. What really got me was when I started drinking alone, I didn't need anyone or any special occasion to drink. I remember years ago when I wouldn't drink weekdays or even on Sundays, I had rules, I had some control, if I had no one to drink with, I wouldn't. I guess I was a social heavy drinker for many years. But then, I don't even know how or why, I started having drinks before the event or after coming home after an event, etc. Then I started drinking on Sundays, then Tuesdays, Thursdays, etc. Then alone all the time, any time, any day. For the social heavy drinkers in here, if you can't stop altogether, spend weeks or months being sober, do not drink alone, take your mind off the booze, believe me, if you don't, you'll get hooked. There is no winning battle with alcohol. Have you ever met a 70 year old alcoholic? Very few! One of my grandfathers lived to be 86 years old, and he rarely drunk, maybe 3-4 times per year, on the other hand, the other one was an alcoholic and I never met him, he died at 48 years from a heart attack.

[Nightshade]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

Hi all, joined today out of sheer desperation to quit. Very hungover, feeling so sad and scared. Have to face the people who took care of me last night, got me home safe. No recollection. Why do I do it? Tomorrow, I will try and get a script for topamax and book in for some acupuncture. I will visit this site everyday it's so inspiring. Day 1 ( does it count ). Feel sick at the thought of a drink. :new:

[wtf_notagain]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

After a couple of months the big sessions drink till you drop are back
i hate myself i hate alcohol and its grip on me. When i'm in social settings i drink to ease my anxiety with my so called "friends" who find my misfortune terribly amusing.
feel trapped, hard to give up with everybody asking if you want a drink. The social pressure for me is the biggest thing, the excuses as to why are you not drinking??? Constant pressure to drink its bs
How do you all get around this peer pressure to drink?? It is relentless

[free at last]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

Dear Not Again,
Start today by saying "not again" I will not again drink today. And stay close to this site and post often. It has helped numerous people slay this alcohol beast. I am just on three weeks consecutive AF living but I am feeling more empowered every day. You can do this.

[K9Lover]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

If your "friends" are amused by your misfortune and are continually pressuring you to do something you don't want to do...I say get new friends. Don't let these people who don't have your best interest at heart control you. Sounds like it's really time to separate yourself from these people!

[paulywogg]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

hi wtf,i posted yesterday that its a drinking world and we have to live in it,its everywhere! friends,family,spouses drink,its just up to us if were going to or not,you sound pretty damn fed up with booze,take some of that anger and use it as motivation to kick that shit out of your life for good!

[YoungAtHeart]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

You could stop going out with these people. When I first stopped drinking, I didn't do much socially that involved drinking. It helped a lot. My friends who drink are proud of my sobriety and either don't drink or lighten up when I'm around. Why are your friends making you the butt of their jokes?

[wtf_notagain]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

Thanks for the advice. The "friends" have something over me, when i messed up while incredibly drunk, they let me drown, watch me drown that night, it is tremendous amusement to them. i was off the booze for a couple of weeks which felt great and things were starting to look up but slowly but surely it works its way back in. My wife wonders why i drink to so late and is angry and thinking of leaving me but doesn't think I need to give up just control it, which is not possible in my opinion for anybody really to control it. Time to try again.
It is most certainly a drinking world, it is all over the papers, on tv, sport etc...as i read on this site and certainly for me when I get free a couple of weeks, then its like lets just have a glass of wine.
>I love my daughter more than alcohol
So true, with my three children this i think will be the driving force. I don't want them to grow up without a father being around.

Its true sobriety should be a proud thing not a shame based thing.
I am over it well and truly, now its just a matter of stop f$$$ing up and leaving the clownsfriends to it. I tried this like a say for a while and its amazing how good the self esteem improved but no back to zero from hero once more

[wtf_notagain]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

Looks like its all over for me now
The wife gave me a grilling and it effectively came out over a whole day of it
Honesty is not the best policy, i was told not to tell her to offload the guilt which i lasted for months until her recent grilling after a very big night of booze, sometimes people shouldn't know the truth
Drink has fff'd it up for me once more and with the anxiety being exerted by my work colleagues who find it all very amusing helped me plunge deeper into the drink abyss
I feel sorry for the kids really
I'm over with alcohol now, shame it had to come to this it aint far off rock bottom or maybe it is. I have completely lost control with it now, it would have been good to have given up before this and really learnt my lessons
The list of destruction it has caused me is endless but this is now the lowpoint effecting the three kids and the wife
fu$k fu$k fu$k

[Wine-no!]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

Oh no :-(
I am so sorry to hear this... I hope you can work it out with your wife.
You definitely need to stay away from these toxic people... They should have tried to protect you - not drop you straight in to trouble.

[wtf_notagain]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

The worst thing is people think the drink is just an excuse for bad behaviour, I disagree entirely, its hurt and pain that drives it, drink then exacerbates it.
i hope she has the power to forgive i've been reading lots of everyones stories on here and it looks like relationship survival is 5050 when the truth comes out but then why should she take on all this...

You right about the toxic people, ironically i saw a guy in a similar situation to mine a year prior and i talked him out of it and back to reality. I wish i had somebody like that throughout time in my life, unfortunatley never have

[YoungAtHeart]

Drunk, Derailed, Diabolical and Devastation once again

WTF, well, now you have us. It might help if your wife learns a little bit about alcoholism. She shouldn't have to be dumped on, but she does need to know the facts about this addiction. I don't think that drinking is an excuse for bad behavior, but people who have blackouts really don't know what they have done.

I hope you can stay off the sauce. Your friends are not friends at all. You deserve better.