Adult of an alcholic parent , now watching my sister

[notagain]

I'm a 52, my mother was an alcohol abuser, I was one of 5 second oldest, she died at the age of 48 from it. I took my little sister away from here because she would not get help! Parents were divorced, my step father drank also , started out with hard stuff then just beer, They lost everything , as far as good jobs, she would let us older teens drink if wanted, but the more I watched and was hurt by her, I swore to myself I would never be her, she was critical of me, I was no good for nothing, I quit school I could not pass, couldn't concentrate on work. It was my only escape though! My friends were my life! I was embarrassed of her , she humiliated me in front of them. Well at 12 yrs old my step father molested me, at the time she said well, do we forgive and forget, or have him arrested? I felt if I did she would hate me! So it was living the rest of the days of hell! There were battles of fights you name it. I married at 18 to get out of the house , so did my older sister . we're 15 months apart. mom made us she was the beauty child and I was the ugly duckling. But both out, we both cried leaving our younger ones behind. Time went on, They split, Mom slept with who ever in the bars. Then one day all hell broke my little sister and brother were walking the streets looking in bars for her to make supper, they were not clean, house was disgusting! Then I took my brothers down to my fathers who we never saw from when they divorced, until I was 18. Then my little sister came to my house in trouble, and I took custody of her. My husband at the time was great with her and understanding! The words out of my mothers mouth haunted me, I hope no one ever takes your kids away from you like you did me! I hate you! I watched the police take her keys and she was staggering walking across a bridge crying. We had had a fight because she wanted her daughter back , I tried to talk to her again, but was trying to take her keys from her because she was so drunk. She proceeded to take off with me hanging out a window, I couldn't get her to stop the car, she was hitting and biting I finally got in , punched her in the face, stop the car, and was blessed with a policeman. From then on he directed me in what to do next. Watching my mom throw up blood time again, went to detox, which was forced because she went into seizures from withdrawal spending time in a waiting room. That didn't help she got out went right back at it. Then we watched as she turned yellow refusing all help, then slipped in a coma and died! My little sister was 10 yrs younger , I did my best at that time, as a teenager she was hard! Quit school , smoked and wouldn't work. In the mean time I divorced , married a man that was just like my mom, did drugs too, left me because he said he was in love with my older sister. Crushing, no words for that. Married a wonderful man , had a child of my own, then at the age of 19 I gave her options and she chose to leave, moved in with a man that was older, then she worked transferred out of state , seemed like things were ok, but about ten yrs ago we had some late nights calls , sounded drunk but never knew for sure. She was a single mom, working hard never asked for help and now lost a job that went belly up. which then lost her condo . Could not find work , she is here now with me again with her 17 yr old daughter, and she's been here 7 days I have watched 4 - 12 pks already gone. I feel crushed !!!!!!!!!! I have a 21 yr old daughter in college, and 25 yr old finishing his masters, I know they have drank, and I am always talking to them about how it runs in out family! I lost a set of twins in-between and that was harder than loosing my my mother. If my kids ever had a drinking problem it would kill me. !!!! My older sister is a emotional mess, one brother turned to god , the other did but now he drinks occasionally . I might have one maybe 2 beers every once in a blue moon. I hate it ! I do smoke cigs , But my moms dad had a problem and her 1/2 sister same father and her. So right now i'm feeling crushed whispering to my husband , counting the beers, I said something once, I hope you don't have a problem, you know what it can do and you don't want your daughter the same way. I know she's lost it all and she's looking for a job, .She saw my Aunt yesterday and came home and talked about how nice it was , that's my moms sister, well her son is my age and my sister couldn't believe, how bad he looked ,! I said the drinking, she says yep! Then I go to bed woke up noticed 7 beers gone from the time I went to bed. It's so hard , she looks like my mom, she's drinking that much , I feel helpless! I know if she does have a problem and I saw I don't want it in my house something could happen to her. In 2 yrs I have a a brain tumor , not cancerous thank god, had multiple foot problems i'm just out of a cast for a triple arthrodesis.I have mothered all my siblings, tried to be the best damn mom to my own, now freaked out because of my sister! Just wanted to vent! I'm not going to lie to her , or enable her! I know she has to get some major things done here, but in sicken me so much, maybe even more because she looks so much like my mother. Why I'm I the strong one here, why Have I been there for them all? I'm tierd of this! I have gone through so much of my own dramatic stuff , and I 'm normal! I'm proud of who I am and what I am! And I know I'm getting the extra wings upstairs! Can't do this again! Please god , help my sister here .

[Siren136]

Adult of an alcholic parent , now watching my sister

Notagain, you can't fix your sister. She has to want to quit. Does she think she has a problem?

She's living with you and looking for work? Who buys her beer? Does she help pay for any of the household expenses - food, utilities, etc?

Read as much as you can here and get some ideas on how to help her quit when she's ready. Your family is lucky to have you.

[notagain]

Adult of an alcholic parent , now watching my sister

she came with the clothes on her back, and she has a few bucks that will run out quickly im sure, she's not paying anything yet she has nothing. She does have her nose at the computer for jobs and went to a lead on one yest, she took a weekend job only for a few extra bucks! What I did say she's like yep , I know , I'm stressed! The anger inside I felt this morning seeing the 7 beers gone I swear if she open one right now in front of me I feel like I would knock it right out of her hand. I know I have to stay cool , calm and collected . This has to be handled in the right way!

[notagain]

Adult of an alcholic parent , now watching my sister

And no I don't think she thinks she has a problem! She commented on my cousins look!

[Siren136]

Adult of an alcholic parent , now watching my sister

Well I certainly wouldn't buy more beer while she's there. And hide any other liquor in the house. You even said you won't enable her.

[paulywogg]

Adult of an alcholic parent , now watching my sister

i feel for you notagain,sounds like youve had a hard time and still are,its sad when family causes us so much pain,but really shes grown and abusing alcohol so basically she wont listen to you or get help until shes ready,you could tell her its your house and you wont allow alcohol in it,let her go somewhere else to drink if shes gonna,you dont want to watch her kill herself like you watched your mom,my thoughts are with you,i hope things will get better

[notagain]

Adult of an alcholic parent , now watching my sister

thank you, This morning I had wine that was in the fridge since thanksgiving not sure if it was even any good, there was a wine cooler in there from around the same time period, I dumped them down the drain this morning. Things I haven't felt in years are coming back, just remembering the lies, the excuses, the horrible hospital episodes with my mom. I love her, and I hate the thought of it. Her daughter needs her! I'm crying writing this! I'm not buying it for her! No way in hell ! I talked to my son on the phone this morning and he said you need to tell her mom , I said I told her what I saw and that I was concerned, and I'm not going to lie. It's also important for my own kids to know the truth and how I feel about this , that its hurting me inside to watch her. That way they see what it does!