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    #1

    Love the wine, hate the buzz

    Hello all,

    I'm posting here because I feel like i need to tell my story.

    I've been drinking for 20 years. It started out small, I was such a lightweight. Malibu and orange juice got me wasted.

    I've also struggled with depression for twenty years. I've wanted to kill myself, most recently in January. It's hard to even admit to that.

    It's a struggle every day, to feel the way that I feel.... alcohol relieves the moment but ultimately makes it all worse. So there's the conflict. I'm looking to get sober but struggling. I feel so good when I don't drink, and I want to get there again.

    Looking for support, -A.

    :thanks:
    Tags: None
    #2
    Love the wine, hate the buzz

    Hi BondGirl!!:welcome:

    You're in the right place and boy does your story sound familiar. I used to be a lightweight, too. Now I can drink a bottle and a half of my husband's mead (at 13% ABV) in a night and not pass out. Red wine was my poison, too, though by the end it was wine and/or vodka every night.

    I also struggle with depression and I can honestly say that it is much more manageable sober. Booze never makes anything better. But the only way you are going to find out for yourself is to stop drinking. And the only way out is through, I'm afraid. Commit to going 30 days without a drink and see how wonderful you feel. We can help you do it - I've seen it happen loads of times.

    I tried and tried and tried to quit and each time I convinced myself that life was too hard or that I had a bad day and deserved a drink - just one. One drink always turned into one bottle or more, each drink wanting it's own drink. I never really had any cravings - I have no idea what they feel like. It was always a mind game with me and I always let the booze win.

    I was finally able to get some success using Antabuse. Now there are severe repercussions if I were to drink, so I can easily turn my mind off. I can't drink, so I don't.

    There are lots of tools here to help you, when you decide you're really ready. Check out the Tool box (https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html) and come over to the Newbie's Nest (https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...est-30074.html) and introduce yourself. The Nest is the best place for just starting out - it's warm and supportive and just awesome.
    Well it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

    Comment

      #3
      Love the wine, hate the buzz

      Your title cracked me up. I won a trip last year to Napa. My wife and I are going in May. I was dreading it because the trip includes several complimentary tastings. But she pointed out that >real< wine snobs never swallow and always spit it out. Now's my chance to be that real wine snob instead of the boozer that chugs the sample in one gulp!
      In the middle of my life's journey, I found myself in a dark wood, as I had lost the straight path. It is a difficult thing to speak about, how wild, harsh and impenetrable that wood is. Just thinking about it recreates the fear. It is scarcely less bitter than death, but in order to tell of the good that I found there, I must tell of the other things I saw there. --Dante, paraphrased

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        #4
        Love the wine, hate the buzz

        Alky;1498347 wrote: Your title cracked me up. I won a trip last year to Napa. My wife and I are going in May. I was dreading it because the trip includes several complimentary tastings. But she pointed out that >real< wine snobs never swallow and always spit it out. Now's my chance to be that real wine snob instead of the boozer that chugs the sample in one gulp!
        Wow! That is braver than I could be. Doesn't it all taste like crap really anyway?

        It always cracks me up when my son and friends discuss their weed like it was a fine wine......rather than a drug that makes them consume the contents of the fridge at midnight.

        Comment

          #5
          Love the wine, hate the buzz

          kuya;1498350 wrote: Wow! That is braver than I could be. Doesn't it all taste like crap really anyway?

          It always cracks me up when my son and friends discuss their weed like it was a fine wine......rather than a drug that makes them consume the contents of the fridge at midnight.
          1. No, it doesn't all taste like crap.
          2. You obviously don't get my humor.
          3. Even though I'm new here, I notice that condescension is a frequent theme of your posts.
          In the middle of my life's journey, I found myself in a dark wood, as I had lost the straight path. It is a difficult thing to speak about, how wild, harsh and impenetrable that wood is. Just thinking about it recreates the fear. It is scarcely less bitter than death, but in order to tell of the good that I found there, I must tell of the other things I saw there. --Dante, paraphrased

          Comment

            #6
            Love the wine, hate the buzz

            BondGirl;1498052 wrote: Hello all,

            I'm posting here because I feel like i need to tell my story.

            I've been drinking for 20 years. It started out small, I was such a lightweight. Malibu and orange juice got me wasted.

            I've also struggled with depression for twenty years. I've wanted to kill myself, most recently in January. It's hard to even admit to that.

            It's a struggle every day, to feel the way that I feel.... alcohol relieves the moment but ultimately makes it all worse. So there's the conflict. I'm looking to get sober but struggling. I feel so good when I don't drink, and I want to get there again.

            Looking for support, -A.

            :thanks:
            Siren said it all so eloquently that I defer to her wisdom but I just wanted to welcome you to this awesome site and to say that we are all in this journey to kill the beast together and I look forward to getting to know you better. I've been here for a while as I have thick skull but I'm catching on and hoping this is my quit. Read everything and learn from those who've been where you are before. They have the experience of gaining sobriety that we can all learn from. All the best in taking back your life. xx
            Tipplerette

            I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

            "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
            ? Lao-Tzu

            Comment

              #7
              Love the wine, hate the buzz

              :welcome: Bondgirl!

              I too drank LOOOOOOTS of wine for many years. Especially in the last several years my depression got bad and I thought about suicide a lot. My dark cloud really lifted once I stopped drinking, which was not easy, but well worth it! I hope it works out that way for you too. At the very least, a therapist/psychiatrist would be better able to help you with the depression if there is no alcohol contributing to it.

              Hope you stick around! This is a great place for support. I wasn't able to go a day without drinking before I got here.

              DG
              Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
              Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

              One day at a time.

              Comment

                #8
                Love the wine, hate the buzz

                kuya;1498350 wrote: Wow! That is braver than I could be. Doesn't it all taste like crap really anyway?

                It always cracks me up when my son and friends discuss their weed like it was a fine wine......rather than a drug that makes them consume the contents of the fridge at midnight.
                Taste like crap?
                Is that the power of suggestion at work here?

                Yeah, don't really see that working any time soon!

                I don't think many people started out with a bottle of thunderbird in a paper sack, soon to become mouthwash.... I for one enjoy the delicate nuances of wine, I just don't know the level when it becomes too much 'enjoyment'.
                Heaven is high and earth wide. If you ride three feet higher above the ground than other men, you will know what that means.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Love the wine, hate the buzz

                  I would have to say there was never a moment that I didn't like liquor, or would ever say it tasted like crap.
                  OK, there was that time in college where I drank 151 and then chased it with key light, but I just didn't know any better.
                  Am I not supposed to be honest and say that I enjoy a nice bottle of wine, a nice whiskey or tequila.... Scotch?

                  Is it taboo to be honest here?
                  Is it a fear that it might tempt someone?
                  Is it more appropriate to come forward with some sort of anecdote?
                  Heaven is high and earth wide. If you ride three feet higher above the ground than other men, you will know what that means.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Love the wine, hate the buzz

                    Alky;1498365 wrote: 1. No, it doesn't all taste like crap.
                    2. You obviously don't get my humor.
                    3. Even though I'm new here, I notice that condescension is a frequent theme of your posts.
                    Tartaroo;1498480 wrote:                     Taste like crap?
                    Is that the power of suggestion at work here?

                    Yeah, don't really see that working any time soon!

                    I don't think many people started out with a bottle of thunderbird in a paper sack, soon to become mouthwash.... I for one enjoy the delicate nuances of wine, I just don't know the level when it becomes too much 'enjoyment'.
                    Sorry for stating what it tasted like to me.......I drank for the buzz.......if there hadn't been a buzz I wouldn't have touched it.

                    I obviously lack your sophisticated palates......is that condescending enough for you?

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Love the wine, hate the buzz

                      Tartaroo;1498482 wrote: I would have to say there was never a moment that I didn't like liquor, or would ever say it tasted like crap.
                      OK, there was that time in college where I drank 151 and then chased it with key light, but I just didn't know any better.
                      Am I not supposed to be honest and say that I enjoy a nice bottle of wine, a nice whiskey or tequila.... Scotch?

                      Is it taboo to be honest here?
                      Is it a fear that it might tempt someone?
                      Is it more appropriate to come forward with some sort of anecdote?
                      No Tartaroo, honesty is required here. It's the only way this will work for you. I think you'll find there are a lot of former or want-to-be-former wine drinkers here. I might suggest that you don't go into a long post about the different intricacies of wine tasting and scotch drinking - that might put someone over the edge :h

                      But putting up your hand and admitting you have a problem with wine, scotch vodka, etc is encouraged.

                      Btw - by the time I decided I was done with wine and vodka, it really didn't taste good to me anymore. I drank to get rid of withdrawal symptoms and to be able to sleep, not because I enjoyed the taste. And I couldn't stop once I started. I knew I had a problem when alcohol was controlling me instead of the proper way around.
                      Well it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Love the wine, hate the buzz

                        I don't think we are disputing people's individual preferences for taste - but the point of MWO is not about taste but about problems and addiction to AL. If people only drank wine (and other AL fineries) for taste then surely by now the chemists and the liquor companies would have evolved more AL free wines that have tastes to suit the public's demand for 'sophisticated' wines. But I doubt that such AL free wines - even if tasting so 'nice' would be hot sellers. Why - because as we all know - booze is about much much more than the taste.

                        As Kuya admits most of us on MWO don't just have a 'taste' or go out for 'a drink'.

                        Siren is right with the honesty - and for many of us who have been AL free for a wee while - there is a grieving of what AL used to taste, look, even sound like. But in my experience I found it much more productive for my recovery to strip that away and get to the root of my problems - the ethanol, the substance.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Love the wine, hate the buzz

                          kuya;1498505 wrote: Sorry for stating what it tasted like to me.......I drank for the buzz.......if there hadn't been a buzz I wouldn't have touched it.

                          I obviously lack your sophisticated palates......is that condescending enough for you?
                          "Doesn't it" as a response to someone, isn't actually stating what it is to you. Think that might have been a much more successful approach if it were used initially.

                          And yes, your little "sophisticated palates" comment is entirely unneeded and still plenty condescending.
                          Heaven is high and earth wide. If you ride three feet higher above the ground than other men, you will know what that means.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Love the wine, hate the buzz

                            Come on now.... It's a stretch to say that it tastes like crap or that it's only enjoyable because of the alcohol.
                            There is physiologically probably a deeper connection to the sugar and how it effects us at a cellular level pertaining to taste.... The alcohol and the buzz isn't a physiological trigger that tells us it tastes good, it's only a trigger that says to keep drinking!
                            I would consider it more of a psychological trigger that convinces us that it doesn't taste good!
                            I'd prefer to understand the deep issue of alcohol at that level than provide a distraction for why I shouldn't drink!
                            I can't believe that we lack a solution and are left to use tactics and distractions to prevent a craving..... Why is there that craving?
                            Heaven is high and earth wide. If you ride three feet higher above the ground than other men, you will know what that means.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Love the wine, hate the buzz

                              Look, take this discussion to PMs or another thread. Can we please focus on BondGirl - she asked us for support.

                              How are you doing, BondGirl? Right after I replied initially I went searching for pics of Daniel Craig as he is my favorite Bond. I could stare at him for hours.
                              Well it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

                              Comment

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