No Drink til Download!

[InChains]

No Drink til Download!

hey UK, I think you just gave me tonigths homework assignment, have been lucky enough to see AC/DC but not a huge fan, they happened to be at download and who on earth would miss that show? haha.

and hang around as much as you like, if we can share a struggle and help each other then thats a great thing. you can pm me any time if you want to talk.

-inchy

[InChains]

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Day 3

Homework: I will be honest, as rock and metal fan I knew shockingly little about Bon Scott before my little task, I knew he died, I knew he drank. I did not know whether or not he was an alcoholic, or about how determined he was to be a rock star. I guess theres a few things that interested me that I didn?t know, the way he spoke in interviews certainly, playing up to drinking as a reputation for sure ? being proud of things I have no business being proud of. Or pretending to be, I dunno. Ultimately I see what I was facing, a life wasted. R.I.P Bon Scott. Will definitely be doing more research, picking up a biography some time.

So, to myself, and Day 3.

The good side, I guess, I have had moments where I think about other things. Not many, fleeting glimpses of a life that is not just alcohol. I thought about my future today, nothing positive, but there was a thought beyond the next day and the next drink. That is my hope.

I have been thinking alot today. Firstly about what I guess is denial - I always looked at people here and thought 'they drink much more than me', I thought I was having hardly anything. a little problem. And maybe once that was true but at the end I was lying to myself, 12-13 units, squashed into a tiny space of time and squashed in because I couldn't risk running out and still being awake. The rate at which I would increase, an extra drink here... I realize now with such gratitude that I only didn't hit rock bottom this time because I pulled myself back from the edge.

Life without alcohol still seems impossible. I still struggle constantly with the idea of what it is to live without it, normal things, what do I do? But I have to fight to find my way I guess. Right now I am focused on the now, the cravings are still there, I've hardly slept but for the first time I'm starting to believe this is the right thing. It even crossed my mind, the practicality of not drinking at a festival. Not saying I won't but... I thought about it. thats a change right?

[Doggygirl]

No Drink til Download!

Hey Inchy. Keep hangin' in there. I liking reading your reflections. I'm happy you are doing this.

:l

DG

PS - shout out and :l to UK!!

[YouKayBee]

No Drink til Download!

InChains;1500899 wrote: Homework: I will be honest, as rock and metal fan I knew shockingly little about Bon Scott before my little task, I knew he died, I knew he drank. I did not know whether or not he was an alcoholic, or about how determined he was to be a rock star. I guess theres a few things that interested me that I didn?t know, the way he spoke in interviews certainly, playing up to drinking as a reputation for sure ? being proud of things I have no business being proud of. Or pretending to be, I dunno. Ultimately I see what I was facing, a life wasted. R.I.P Bon Scott. Will definitely be doing more research, picking up a biography some time.

So, to myself, and Day 3.

The good side, I guess, I have had moments where I think about other things. Not many, fleeting glimpses of a life that is not just alcohol. I thought about my future today, nothing positive, but there was a thought beyond the next day and the next drink. That is my hope.

I have been thinking alot today. Firstly about what I guess is denial - I always looked at people here and thought 'they drink much more than me', I thought I was having hardly anything. a little problem. And maybe once that was true but at the end I was lying to myself, 12-13 units, squashed into a tiny space of time and squashed in because I couldn't risk running out and still being awake. The rate at which I would increase, an extra drink here... I realize now with such gratitude that I only didn't hit rock bottom this time because I pulled myself back from the edge.

Life without alcohol still seems impossible. I still struggle constantly with the idea of what it is to live without it, normal things, what do I do? But I have to fight to find my way I guess. Right now I am focused on the now, the cravings are still there, I've hardly slept but for the first time I'm starting to believe this is the right thing. It even crossed my mind, the practicality of not drinking at a festival. Not saying I won't but... I thought about it. thats a change right?

The closest relationship an alcoholic will have is with the bottle, giving it up is hard but do not worry you WILL find loads to do and sometimes doing NOTHING is good (it's been an important part of my recovery). Learning to sit on your own is very useful. It also doesn't matter how much or how little you drink - if it fcks your life up you are an alchie.

I thought and was told I wasn't an alcoholic because I didn't drink every day(although eventually I did go through daily drinking periods), because I didn't drink every morning, because when I didn't drink I looked ok........yeah but look what happened when I did drink - complete personality change and extremely scary things almost always happened.

I didn't do the destructive, horrid thing yesterday. Am in company today so should be safe although we are going to a pub but not drinking is fine with me these days.

[Wine-no!]

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Hi Inchy

We are AF twinnies as I am also on day 4 :-).

I watched Mike Starr in Celebrity Rehab talking about Layne etc. (not that I know anything about Alice in Chains LOL) and he seemed to be doing so well in kicking his heroin addiction so I was gutted to hear he had died :-(. Good to see the clip you posted of Jerry Cantrell.

Well done on your commitment to become AF for 42 days. I am sure that will give you plenty of time to reflect and recover.

I look forward to reading your posts (and feel free to come over to my diary in just starting out if you ever have time) x

[InChains]

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day 0

i promised myself when i started this, if i fail i get help. well i drank today. i agreed it was a good idea too, i suggested it actually. I don't know, one day, social drinking is that a failure? my partners asleep, i'm awake, i'm drinking. I can't respond to everything but one thing i have to say:

Wine-no: mike starr did not die from his addiction, he died of complications arising from attempts to stop using drugs. he is, to me, a great hero, the year before he died i spent the summer learning every riff the man wrote. i try to tell everybody this because its not well known, and because he means alot to me. i have done alot of tribute work for him as an artist, through which i have had the good fortune to meet many people who knew him and who support what i do. all I can say really is R.I.P Mike Starr.

-inchy

[red67]

No Drink til Download!

InChains;1501348 wrote: i promised myself when i started this, if i fail i get help. well i drank today. i agreed it was a good idea too, i suggested it actually. I don't know, one day, social drinking is that a failure? my partners asleep, i'm awake, i'm drinking.

-inchy

Inchy, you are not a failure. You probably do need additional help though. This is no easy battle and it is a lifelong addiction. Once you know you have a problem, and I believe you do know it, I really don't think its possible to drink "socially". I truly hope you decide to find additional help.

[YouKayBee]

No Drink til Download!

InChains;1501348 wrote: i promised myself when i started this, if i fail i get help. well i drank today. i agreed it was a good idea too, i suggested it actually. I don't know, one day, social drinking is that a failure? my partners asleep, i'm awake, i'm drinking. I can't respond to everything but one thing i have to say:

Wine-no: mike starr did not die from his addiction, he died of complications arising from attempts to stop using drugs. he is, to me, a great hero, the year before he died i spent the summer learning every riff the man wrote. i try to tell everybody this because its not well known, and because he means alot to me. i have done alot of tribute work for him as an artist, through which i have had the good fortune to meet many people who knew him and who support what i do. all I can say really is R.I.P Mike Starr.

-inchy

Inchy I am sorry for you, perhaps you aren't yet in that place where you are ready. Whilst others do provide inspiration I think it can also be easy to romanticise them too.

Social drinking isn't a failure if it really is social drinking and I don't think that's possible for the majority of people who are alcoholic. I only manage it because of a pill I take, and even with that I drink hardly anything - so also depends what you class as social drinking, because a lot of people out there would class my drinking as 'unsociable'.

[InChains]

No Drink til Download!

i didn't mean to absolve myself of blame by saying it was social drinking, i know i cannot be a social drinker, I just didn't know whether i wanted to count this as a failure and seek help, or as a blip because i guess circumstances were different.

and uk: what i said is not to romanticise mike in terms of addiction, he's a bass player, or was a bass player and a great one - he's my hero because of that. I know he would have been an all time great if drugs didn't get in his way - when he died I promised myself addiction wouldn't get in my way like it did his. That was over 2 years ago now - and I feel guilty for breaking that promise. I have no illusions about what Mike was like, but I do know he didn't die in the way people assume.

-inchy

[Doggygirl]

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InChains;1501348 wrote: social drinking is that a failure? my partners asleep, i'm awake, i'm drinking.

Is that "social drinking?" If so, I did a lot of "social drinking" myself. Into the wee hours after my husband was asleep - just me and AL. "Socializing."

I think it's great you are open to the idea of getting help. I also think it's great that you do not want substance abuse to interfere with your talents and dreams like substances interfered with Mike Starr's. Just be honest with yourself. Is it time for help?

DG

[InChains]

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Day 1

so nearly didn't post at all for day one, out of shame and disappointment. but i have a plan and I'm sticking to it. today is day one, it's the hardest day one i have ever had in my life. Or it was, because looking at the clock on screen I made it already, 20 minutes ago I slipped into day 2, stressed, exhausted, but I am here and I am still fighting this disease, and thats all I can do. I talk alot on here about levels of drinking, wanting to be worse, wanting to be better. at the end of the day, or perhaps at the start of a new one i just have one lesson that i must share, that I have learned the hard way:

To ya'll my name is inchy. I am an alcoholic - and priority number one is making it to the end of this day AF. No excuses.

-inchy

[Doggygirl]

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InChains;1501816 wrote:
To ya'll my name is inchy. I am an alcoholic - and priority number one is making it to the end of this day AF. No excuses.

-inchy

:l Amen sister!

A sober life is so much bigger than a drunken one. I can feel that bigger sober life in you - it's worth fighting for.

DG

[red67]

No Drink til Download!

InChains;1501816 wrote:

To ya'll my name is inchy. I am an alcoholic - and priority number one is making it to the end of this day AF. No excuses.

-inchy

:l This is one of the biggest steps to recovery. I hated that I had to say it because I didn't want to believe it. But we are only fooling ourselves when we don't admit it. I know you said you don't like counselors or meetings, I didn't enjoy them either at first. You do make connections at meetings over time, over here we have different ones for women, young people, men, LGBT all kinds of people. Maybe you can find one that fits you over there? Maybe look at more online meetings to.


Hope you are doing well on your day 2. Keep honest with yourself and just don't take that first drink. I know we all say it, but it does get much easier with time.

[YouKayBee]

No Drink til Download!

InChains;1501816 wrote: so nearly didn't post at all for day one, out of shame and disappointment. but i have a plan and I'm sticking to it. today is day one, it's the hardest day one i have ever had in my life. Or it was, because looking at the clock on screen I made it already, 20 minutes ago I slipped into day 2, stressed, exhausted, but I am here and I am still fighting this disease, and thats all I can do. I talk alot on here about levels of drinking, wanting to be worse, wanting to be better. at the end of the day, or perhaps at the start of a new one i just have one lesson that i must share, that I have learned the hard way:

To ya'll my name is inchy. I am an alcoholic - and priority number one is making it to the end of this day AF. No excuses.

-inchy

DO whatever YOU need to do to stay sober today. I'll pm you later.

[Wine-no!]

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Yay Inchy! Well done on day 1 - here's to day 2 :-)