Hi All,
I've been lurking here for a while, soaking up the knowledge and support of others, but I've never properly introduced myself.
Like many here, I have been struggling with alcohol for years. It has negatively affected jobs, friendships, family, and my happiness in various forms. I have worked really hard to get where I am professionally and recently, I felt like I was losing the battle and that it was affecting my work (well it was). I was calling in on Mondays (like 3 in the past year) with the stupidest excuses, and then was paranoid at work that they knew. There has been a lot of paranoia and secrecy about my drinking, even with my family. I hide it and guard my secret viciously. I sneak drink. I try to play off that I am a casual drinker to friends, and find myself drinking alone most of the time- hiding from the world- my friends, my neighbors, my family.
Well, I've tried various methods to stop before- AA, online support, books, just stopping for a while... but after a while, I always lose my will power. Some days, you just don't care. I am reluctant to go to a doctor about this- my future career-wise could be greatly impacted by such a thing on my medical record. So, thanks to this website, I've been put in touch with some online pharmacies that might help.
I was very curious to try baclofen. After reading about its wonderful effects for some, I ordered it from phoenix. I started at 5mg, 3x a day. I really did not like how it made me feel (somewhat speedy and then really tired). I felt like I was acting weird at work. At night it was amazing, I started getting full nights of sleep! However, I was still drinking. I was, in fact drinking less, as it was easier to stop sooner- but still drinking and making the same bad habit choices. So, it did help, but it was not the solution for me. I never did titrate up, as I couldn't work with the SEs. I still take it before I go to bed, because it helps my mind stay calm.
So I ordered disulfiram (antabuse) from River. I do believe that THIS is the answer that I needed. Right now I am doing one month AF. It is a miracle for me as I obsess for AL *not at all*. After reading here of people's horrible pain from drinking on it, I haven't even been tempted AT ALL.
My mood has been better, I have been exceptional at work, and my relationships are growing stronger and are more positive. I am not committed to living AF forever, and I know this is a controversial issue on this site, and in any recovery support group. I KNOW alcohol is a demon in my life. And I KNOW that I should not regulate with antabuse, necessarily. I have three camping trips planned for this summer, and for me AL and camping go hand in hand. Each trip is about a month apart, so I intend to stay sober for the times in-between. Go off AB 10 days or so before the trips. Enjoy the trips and try to moderate (will be with others, which means I usually actually do drink less than when I am in the privacy of my own home), and go back on AB 24 hours following the trips.
I know that AF for life would be the way to go, so there is no need to preach. I just want to share my struggles and attempts to get control of my problem here, as there is absolutely no other place to do it. (I did confide in my best friend of the past 15 years and now that I am not drinking, she doesn't want to hang out as I won't let her drink around me or my family when I am not drinking). I call AB my "salvation" or "the liberation". I am not too worried about the liver issues as I know that the AL I would be consuming in its place is wayyy more problematic on all levels.
It's strange because now I can make plans on the weekends and actually show up in a good mood, feeling happy and healthy. It's awful how I used to plan my life around hangovers and predicted binges.
So, that's my story. And this is what I'm doing about it for now. Oh, and I also just ordered more from Goldpharma which is wayyyy cheaper. River got it here (took like a month) so I am grateful for that. I hope Goldpharma pans out because the price point is much better. Sounds like some people use it here.
Lalalalaliberated for now.
-UB
I've been lurking here for a while, soaking up the knowledge and support of others, but I've never properly introduced myself.
Like many here, I have been struggling with alcohol for years. It has negatively affected jobs, friendships, family, and my happiness in various forms. I have worked really hard to get where I am professionally and recently, I felt like I was losing the battle and that it was affecting my work (well it was). I was calling in on Mondays (like 3 in the past year) with the stupidest excuses, and then was paranoid at work that they knew. There has been a lot of paranoia and secrecy about my drinking, even with my family. I hide it and guard my secret viciously. I sneak drink. I try to play off that I am a casual drinker to friends, and find myself drinking alone most of the time- hiding from the world- my friends, my neighbors, my family.
Well, I've tried various methods to stop before- AA, online support, books, just stopping for a while... but after a while, I always lose my will power. Some days, you just don't care. I am reluctant to go to a doctor about this- my future career-wise could be greatly impacted by such a thing on my medical record. So, thanks to this website, I've been put in touch with some online pharmacies that might help.
I was very curious to try baclofen. After reading about its wonderful effects for some, I ordered it from phoenix. I started at 5mg, 3x a day. I really did not like how it made me feel (somewhat speedy and then really tired). I felt like I was acting weird at work. At night it was amazing, I started getting full nights of sleep! However, I was still drinking. I was, in fact drinking less, as it was easier to stop sooner- but still drinking and making the same bad habit choices. So, it did help, but it was not the solution for me. I never did titrate up, as I couldn't work with the SEs. I still take it before I go to bed, because it helps my mind stay calm.
So I ordered disulfiram (antabuse) from River. I do believe that THIS is the answer that I needed. Right now I am doing one month AF. It is a miracle for me as I obsess for AL *not at all*. After reading here of people's horrible pain from drinking on it, I haven't even been tempted AT ALL.
My mood has been better, I have been exceptional at work, and my relationships are growing stronger and are more positive. I am not committed to living AF forever, and I know this is a controversial issue on this site, and in any recovery support group. I KNOW alcohol is a demon in my life. And I KNOW that I should not regulate with antabuse, necessarily. I have three camping trips planned for this summer, and for me AL and camping go hand in hand. Each trip is about a month apart, so I intend to stay sober for the times in-between. Go off AB 10 days or so before the trips. Enjoy the trips and try to moderate (will be with others, which means I usually actually do drink less than when I am in the privacy of my own home), and go back on AB 24 hours following the trips.
I know that AF for life would be the way to go, so there is no need to preach. I just want to share my struggles and attempts to get control of my problem here, as there is absolutely no other place to do it. (I did confide in my best friend of the past 15 years and now that I am not drinking, she doesn't want to hang out as I won't let her drink around me or my family when I am not drinking). I call AB my "salvation" or "the liberation". I am not too worried about the liver issues as I know that the AL I would be consuming in its place is wayyy more problematic on all levels.
It's strange because now I can make plans on the weekends and actually show up in a good mood, feeling happy and healthy. It's awful how I used to plan my life around hangovers and predicted binges.
So, that's my story. And this is what I'm doing about it for now. Oh, and I also just ordered more from Goldpharma which is wayyyy cheaper. River got it here (took like a month) so I am grateful for that. I hope Goldpharma pans out because the price point is much better. Sounds like some people use it here.
Lalalalaliberated for now.
-UB
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