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    #1

    none

    Ok this might be in parts because i am nervous.

    I would like to introduce myself.
    I am 44, blonde,grey eyed,taurean,left handed,perfectionist,with an unrealistic love of animals,hence i am a vet. I like cooking, stoopid tv, crap comedy, birds, cheese, horses,nature, & being quiet. I hate phones & fungi.
    I am a normal person.
    When i was 7, my parents separated under violent circumstances. My sister does dope & is married to a drug addict.
    So what.
    Wheni became a vet, it was normal that we all got totalled. Every weekend. I was an honours student. I try hard.
    I got married 16 yrs ago, to a man i liked but did not love. We have no children, i cannot, he could with someone fertile.
    Over the yrs,things creep up. My drinking became habit.
    My self esteem plummeted as my husband became abusive. Verbally.
    I think i am smart. I think i am worth living. But.
    i am just a person,struggling to be. Just wanting to be appreciated, in my world.

    It can happen here, but not translate into my life.
    I have un resolved maternal issues.
    I probably cling too hard to whomever reaches out to me.
    I just need to get stuff sorted.
    I am normal. I am also not normal.
    I think you all are amazing.
    Tags: None
    #2
    none

    I think you are amazing for sharing some of your story Cori. And brave.

    Thank you.

    'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

    Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

    Comment

      #3
      none

      We're glad you're here Cori!
      :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

      Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

      Comment

        #4
        none

        I hope to hear more about you. Don't let yourself believe you deserve that verbal crap.
        No matter how far you go or how fast you run, you can't get away from yourself. ....said at an AA meeting. It stuck with me.

        Comment

          #5
          none

          and the cutest thing in a balloon dress....EVER!
          Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read

          Comment

            #6
            none

            Hi Coriander. I'm not able to spend as much time here on MWO as I used to and I'm really glad I came across your story. I can relate to the pain you describe with some unresolved maternal issues and grabbing on (too) hard sometimes to people in your life. It has taken me five sober years to finally get myself ready to face those issues with the help of a therapist. I just wanted to tell you there is hope to overcome all of the stuff we torture ourselves with. This miracle can happen for you too.

            DG
            Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
            Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

            One day at a time.

            Comment

              #7
              none

              Corrie, thanks for sharing.

              You are a valuable person, please don't lose sight of that.

              Glad you're here.:l:l
              Enlightened by MWO

              Comment

                #8
                none

                Hi Cori..welcome to a mwo. Lots of us here with similar feelings. Post and read...thats my advice. All the v best and thanx for sharing some of yr story. Bells xx

                Comment

                  #9
                  none

                  part 2

                  12 months ago today, this person whom i described above was called beagle on here.
                  12 months ago today, beagle woke up the same way she always did ....slightly hungover , pretending all was a normal SSaturday. Husband did his day's tasks,then went to footy game in neighbouring town that arvo .
                  Beagle dragged herself thru the day in that same heavy fog of guilt, worthlessness,loneliness . Beagle got more and more miserable as the day became night, so she reached for that bottle of wine, the great mind number of months gone by.
                  But something cumulative weighed into this party then.
                  A different, more seemingly effective (in her mind anyway) way to stop the pain, permanently. As beagle could not see a way out.
                  So beagle started taking the pills, and whilst doing so,hooked up her iv drip filled with lethabarb,got the catheter ready, and as she already knew she could access her cephalic vein, was confident that all could be done as it should be.
                  So beagle drank some more.
                  Then beagle logged onto here , and no doubt posted some random bullshit in diff threads.
                  But something in beagles mind triggered a need ......to ask for help.

                  I don't know how it transpired, but the reason i am still alive today is because of all the people on here who reached out help .
                  That night, beagle spoke to Mr g. Mr g delayed beagles actions. Mr g talked to beagle. He talked and i listened and whilst i was listening, the pills were starting to work,making beagle sleepy.
                  I remember thanking Mr g for his time, in the manner of finishing up a business meeting, then i must have passed out.
                  Then i woke up in hospital.

                  Over the next week's that passed, beagles husband couldn't help, or wouldn't help. Beagles best friend resumed her life 400kms away. Beagles 2 other friends didn't know what to do. One of them was a volunteer ambo driver so this shocked the shit outta them.

                  So beagle came back on here.
                  Spoke to stirley and property over lengthy phone calls, cried out for help in chat where solitary,turnagain,determinator and property kept making beagle feel better ,went into the the undies and talked about random stuff that made me know that they knew that i knew that they knew.Missy rang from EnZed.
                  Went into the army thread where zenny and jc made her feel better.
                  Had pm from folk like skendall and draggy (rip) and as time wore on, many more like juja .
                  Beagle became coriander , as husband developed a deep suspicion for this site.

                  Over the past 12 months, I've been thru the emotional wringer , but to return here is comforting.

                  12 months ago, Mr g might have been the last person to speak to me alive.

                  I'm not better but i am different.
                  Best wishes to you all.
                  Xxx,c.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    none

                    I'm very grateful you are still here. When in despair it is so painful that any other way out seems to be attractive. I'm so glad Mr. G. offered you comfort that night, he is an awesome gentleman.

                    Keep on posting Cori, we all care.:h
                    Enlightened by MWO

                    Comment

                      #11
                      none

                      Worse,H.
                      Feeling dangerous unsafe.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        none

                        I hope you always come here as a first resort when things are bad Cori. So many people would be devastated to lose you.

                        :h
                        There's two ways of looking at the holes in your shoes
                        You can dig the ventilation... or you can sing the blues

                        I didn't come this far to only come this far.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          none

                          Highly unsafe glassy ready and no booze to blame it on.
                          Holy hell i am scared

                          Comment

                            #14
                            none

                            Cori, how are you feeling right now?
                            Enlightened by MWO

                            Comment

                              #15
                              none

                              Are you depressed about going back to the farm?
                              Enlightened by MWO

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