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    #1

    New here. My story: Chapter 1

    I put Chapter 1 because this is the beginning for me. I am an alcoholic. And I hate it. My story is typical I believe: money spent, bad decisions, broken promises to my children, mood changes when drunk, alienating myself from friends due to my behavior, bad relationships.

    I need help. I know I do. I just keep saying "Just don't drink, that's all there is to it" but then I'm drinking again, even knowing all I stand to lose and what I have lost.

    There has to be a better way. I've been sober before. 42 days. My skin cleared up, I dropped weight, lost my beer gut, I was happy.

    I always look back to those 42 days and think "It wasn't so hard. You can do this. Do it!"

    So I am looking for support. I am going to die from this if I don't quit.
    Tags: None
    #2
    New here. My story: Chapter 1

    Welcome Missy, pretty much everyone here has been where you are now. I was there just 7 days ago until I found the strength and determination I needed to change my life for the better. You have done this before and you can try again, and again as long as it takes.

    There is such good support here, it made all the difference in the world to me on my very first quit from AL.

    Come on and join us in the newbie nest, lots of room there, and you can sit next to me.
    "A good garden may have some weeds"
    Thomas Fuller

    Comment

      #3
      New here. My story: Chapter 1

      Missy...Like you, I was heading toward an earlier death until I made the decision to no longer drink...no matter what. I was so afraid to make that decision yet, as it turns out, it was incredibly liberating. My only regret is that I waited for so long to leave addiction behind.

      Alcohol is a toxin that damages the body and brain every time it goes down the throat. It is a matter of cause and effect that we become addicted. BUT, by keeping the toxin out of your body, you can have the life and the control over your life again that you want and need. Interrupting the cycle isn't easy and it isn't comfortable and it takes effort. You have already taken a powerful step on the path to freedom from this addiction by recognizing what it is doing to you. Keep reading...keep posting....and keep going.
      Sober for the Revolution!
      AF & NF July 23, 2011

      Comment

        #4
        New here. My story: Chapter 1

        Thanks. Yesterday, I had a week sober. I was so happy. Then I decided to go have some drinks before work. (yes, stupid). My boss sent me home. I lost out on about 200.00. I then went to have another drink and as I looked at it, I got so angry. It tasted bad, it did nothing for me. So I went home. I'm going to a meeting today. I haven't been in over a year.

        I need to take the bull by the horns and do this. And I need to do this by pulling in all of my resources.

        I feel sad right now. So sad. But I guess I can either take steps to get this under control today or keep going in the direction I am and hate myself a bit more each day.

        Comment

          #5
          New here. My story: Chapter 1

          Hi Missy - Take the steps to stop this instead of continuing to drink. Please choose feeling good about yourself, versus feeling bad by drinking. You can do it and if you look deep down, you know you want to, that's why you're here posting, and here's some support for you, don't drink today!
          "A good garden may have some weeds"
          Thomas Fuller

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            #6
            New here. My story: Chapter 1

            Thank you Gardener. I swallowed my pride and my excuses and went to a Woman's AA meeting. It was great and I got a lot of support and phone numbers. My goal is to go back tomorrow.

            And you are right: I do want this or I wouldn't be seeking out help and support. Thank you.

            Comment

              #7
              New here. My story: Chapter 1

              That's great Missy, very proud for you. There is strength in numbers, I don't think I could have come this far without the support of these fine people helping me along offering encouragement without judgment.

              Come on over to the nest for more support, have a great AF weekend and keep posting. G
              "A good garden may have some weeds"
              Thomas Fuller

              Comment

                #8
                New here. My story: Chapter 1

                Missy I could have written your original post not too long ago. I hated that I could not stop for my kids. Now, I know I can't start again because of them.

                I look at how much I struggled and see years of wasted energy. It really took a toll on me emotionally....and I was the one causing all that unneeded pain upon myself.

                So glad that you are getting face to face support as well. I think seeing faces and real people....knowing that I truly was never alone in this battle helped tremendously. Also, the more you read here and post....the more you will connect to people here....even if they live in far off lands.

                I agree with Turn....my biggest regret is not stopping sooner. I knew I was in trouble for ten long years before quitting. I don't wish those ten years on anyone.

                You can do this. So many have gone before us.....and paved the way.

                Comment

                  #9
                  New here. My story: Chapter 1

                  You know, Missy, as bad as you felt, it only takes a couple AF days to make the fog lift and to get your mojo back. Almost everything that has been hurt by AL can be undone with time and support! Commit....take AL off the table as an option. Once you remove the choice the space in your head becomes quieter and more peaceful! Take your life back! We can help! Stick close, read and post!! Byrdie
                  All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
                  Tool Box
                  Newbie's Nest

                  Comment

                    #10
                    New here. My story: Chapter 1

                    I have been reading on this website for several hours today after a family gathering yesterday where I drank after a period of being Al free. I am disappointed with myself, but I will start again.... And I will consider what made me choose poorly..... I want to be free of the beast that poisons my thinking,hurts my health, and limits my soul... Thanks to all who share their wisdom and support here. I am so grateful that I found this website.
                    :new::new::h

                    Comment

                      #11
                      New here. My story: Chapter 1

                      Missy we need to look at our cravings instead of act on them. What were you feeling when you decided to drink before work? I downloaded a book recommended here called Heart of Addiction, maybe you'd benefit from it too?

                      Reading Lady hi there you're at the right place. Happy to have you!
                      Newbies Nest
                      Toolbox
                      My accountability thread

                      Comment

                        #12
                        New here. My story: Chapter 1

                        Thanks for the welcome June! I have been reading posts here off and on all day. I know I am in the right place....I want a sober lifestyle. I hope for the peace that comes with that choice. I am tired of fighting alcohol. Being done with it is truly my only way out....
                        :new::new::h

                        Comment

                          #13
                          New here. My story: Chapter 1

                          June,

                          What I was thinking was "I want to drink, I work at a bar. A few beers won't be noticeable. My boss drinks too. I'll be fine." I justified every which way but sensible.

                          I'm on Day 4 now and feeling good. The withdrawals aren't so bad lately since my drinking had been reduced to 1xs a week. I usually feel the worst day 1 and 2 then okay after that. It's just usually by about Day 5 or 6 I start craving a drink.

                          My goal today is to hit a women's meeting tonight, hang out with my kids tomorrow and study for finals.

                          Last week of summer classes, thank God.

                          I also do a lot of visualization, I guess you can call it. Visualizing myself sober last year for about 2 months and how much more positively people responded to me. How much better physically I felt and looked. How I made better decisions. I also think back to two conversations recently with friends who state that they enjoy my company more when I'm sober.

                          I'm not a fun drunk anymore. I'm angry and belligerent. I hurt people's feelings. I act like an ass.

                          My sister has told me repeatedly: You have things that hurt. You have been traumatized in your life. You can't outdrink those things. You have to face them. No choice. It's going to hurt. A lot. But isn't what you're doing hurting a lot already?"

                          When I went to the other women's meeting on Saturday, we spoke about humility, about having to humble ourselves to say "Hey, I have this problem and I can't do it alone. I need help" That's where I am at. I cannot do this alone. Time and experience have proven that to me. I need help.

                          I've also removed myself from the dating scene: a BIG trigger for me. I've also let some of my drinking buddies know I'm quitting. I told them it's to lose weight. I am not ready to explain to them about my problem. I don't think they'd get it. So why overexplain.

                          So here I am. Holding on.

                          Happy Tuesday everyone.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            New here. My story: Chapter 1

                            And pardon my rudeness, Reading Lady. Welcome to MWO too. I've only been here a very short time, but so far, there seems to be a lot of good resources and strong support here.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              New here. My story: Chapter 1

                              Hi Shelle,

                              A big warm welcome to you.

                              I'd just like to wish you all the very best on your journey to take back your life. Bravo friend!

                              Here is a link to our toolbox https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html one of my favourite places.

                              G bloke.

                              'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                              Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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