14.08.13

[InChains]

After a lengthy absence I'm returning properly, new blog, new thread, new title and new life. Since I was last here I've moved out of my family home to be with my fiance in a much safer, calmer environment and started once again trying to get myself on track. For those who don't know this is one of a few day ones this year, the best I have is around 20 days, I went to a festival, fell off the wagon n have been trying to get back on (on and off) for about 2 months now.

So whats new? why the date? well this time I'm making a plan, and I'm sticking to it. I'm changing not just my drinking but my lifestyle - healthy eating, exercise, good sleep (eventually haha). This is my journal, not to complain about cravings (though there will be some of that xD) but to document how much my life can change from this day.

-Inchy

[paulywogg]

14.08.13

hi inchy,well im glad you moved out of your other place,sounded like nothing but drama! you can do this,hopefully in a new environment itll be a little easier,i wish you strength sweetheart

[satz123]

14.08.13

This is your time Inchy - the Universe is aligned - go for it !!!:goodjob:

[K9Lover]

14.08.13

We're here for you Inchy! Your plan sounds great! Believe me, I "hoped" things would change for a long time, but they never did until I MADE them...funny how that happens! Stick with it girl..you CAN do this!

[sugarbeat]

14.08.13

Just wishing you all the best Inchy

[girly wirly]

14.08.13

how you doing inch?

[InChains]

14.08.13

day 1

hey guys, thanks for being so supportive, day one is going well, sticking to my plan, keeping busy, been for a run for the first time in years, trying to take good care of myself. struggling a little with cravings but riding it out, being honest I can get through this because I have a supply of pot and intend to smoke later this evening...

[InChains]

14.08.13

Day 2 & 3

Day 2 was undeniably a b*tch. Borderline panic attack most of the afternoon, smoking off the stress, very irritable and down right unpleasant - I could see myself doing it but couldn't stop. I scrapped an important project out of frustration, snapped repeatedly at others. I also spent most of the day contemplating the reality of the last 5 years. Since the age of 15 I've been spending alot of my time drunk, alot of the time much worse than I've been of late, spirits, black outs, hospital. I thought this had no effect - well let me tell you running 10 laps of a sheep field on monday? You better believe my body reminded me of just about every drink, cigarette and joint I've gotten through! Still hurting, 20 years old n can't run a mile without needing 2 days recovery. Tomorrow, pain or no pain I'm going back out there - good pain as Duff McKagan would put it. I finished his book on Day 1, definite hero to me, will be looking to that story for inspiration.

Day 3 is a lesson in how things can change, one positive action, something good late in the day and I'm back to being alive. Working, moving on. The thought's still with me, the need for a drink, and there's fear too - fear I can't be creative sober, or that I cant deal with normal life, mostly fear that what I'm doing won't help my blood results - that it will be for nothing. There's hope of course, that life will be better regardless, but I guess if it was all good and positive now I wouldn't be talking to ya'll n asking for help. I guess the trick is fighting through til the fears over, or at least until the hope's stronger.

-Inchy

[free at last]

14.08.13

Hi Inchy,
Glad to see you have started this post. Keep focusing on the positive changes -- you can do this.

Sending thoughts of strength your way.

[3June2013]

14.08.13

Hi inch nice to meet you. I think an accountability thread is a great way to sort through your thoughts and everything you share helps someone else.

[InChains]

14.08.13

Slip & Day 1

What went wrong? well yesterday was certainly one of those 'all time low' moments, running away, having to be picked up n driven to buy booze, arguing with fiance. I had a tough time at home, I have yet to learn coping skills and ultimately this ended predictably but with a fairly positive decision - I have chosen to cut ties with my family, in order to preserve my own sobriety.

and with that today is a new day, another day 1 in a long journey. Been for another run, eaten healthily and set myself a new goal to drink more water. Working hard on my project and on myself. Have been invited to help in a project to set up a facebook group for others struggling with addiction who share my taste in music - my plan is to do this anonymously, at least until I am confident in my sobriety - an ideal project to help me in these early days. Feeling positive.

-inchy

[YouKayBee]

14.08.13

Hi Inchy

As you recover you will spot others in the same boat, in all sorts of places. People you possibly didn't notice before, most don't usually say much about it unless it becomes appropriate and sometimes it sort of becomes know, in sort of quiet, respectful kind of way.

I couldn't hack the cannabis thing, it was recommended by someone who had sworn themselves off the demon drink, but dope was ok. I don't smoke so tried eating the stuff. Ended up doing same as I did with alcohol, necking the lot and waking up feeling hungover. Decided to keep things simple. It seems to come with more benefits than booze, but was just too complicated for me!

[InChains]

14.08.13

UK: so glad to hear from you again after so long. Pot for me is a way to have something to look forward to at the end of a hard night, i quit for 6 months when I had a bad reaction to it. I had a slight addiction to it previously and probably do by now again, but I need to take care of one thing at a time.

[InChains]

14.08.13

Day 2

A busy day, started with a run, healthy breakfast, healthy lunch. worked hard n did my best to get on. Struggling a little with drinking thoughts and the growing fear of what the result will be if this doesn't work out - if it does not help. I'm enjoying getting fit and healthy, but have yet to face that test. early days.

[InChains]

14.08.13

Day 3

So I guess doing this frequently doesn't make it any easier. Somehow finding that, though I was sober during the day even when drinking I can't seem to function that way now. My hands won't do what I tell them, I can't concentrate, everything irritates me. I guess its standard. Been thinking alot today about not wanting to do this - started wondering why try, why bother? Well I figure if I wanted to be sober I wouldn't have a problem n if this was easy it would hardly be worth doing. So I keep at it - hoping one day this will feel right.