14.08.13

[YouKayBee]

14.08.13

InChains;1546242 wrote: So I guess doing this frequently doesn't make it any easier. Somehow finding that, though I was sober during the day even when drinking I can't seem to function that way now. My hands won't do what I tell them, I can't concentrate, everything irritates me. I guess its standard. Been thinking alot today about not wanting to do this - started wondering why try, why bother? Well I figure if I wanted to be sober I wouldn't have a problem n if this was easy it would hardly be worth doing. So I keep at it - hoping one day this will feel right.

Yeah irritability and changing your mind all part of getting sober. Partly withdrawl, partly your mind playing tricks.

I remember whatever substance I used I'd look forward to it like you do. At the moment it's 3 x 100g bars of chocolate. Sure not as harmful but when accompanied by other junk on a daily basis the weight is piling on and it's just not me. Funny what we replace stuff with, same patterns.

[InChains]

14.08.13

day 4

firstly, its now technically into day 5 and wow because i can't believe i made it! Day 4 was way more positive, drinking thoughts and cravings but for the first time thinking about not wanting a drink and being sober and having strength in that. still alot of nerves about the future, but for now i'm alive, i'm sober n i made it. informed friends at uni i don't like drinking, and family i'm staying with now believe i can't drink because of my meds. making life easier.

uk: I'm like that with most addictive things - smoking, drinking, hell caffeine is still a problem xD guess its something to watch

[InChains]

14.08.13

Day 15

half way to 30 days, though still working odaat. hard to believe now how long that first week seemed - although i still struggle sometimes, often now it's not even on my mind, although it seems the more distance between myself now and then seems to bring memories of my drinking days back near constantly - some funny, most of them embarrassing or just plain sad.

Since quitting alot's changed, I run or swim almost daily, take care of myself, I've begun reconnecting with my life before - working on projects again. I've been focusing on myself, every day and every decision i make i think before hand 'if i died today, what would i regret?' and it's strange learning it's not that i'm not rich or famous or that I didn't do x amount of bass practice or project work, it's little things - I was mean to my partner, I didn't go swimming, I didn't spend as much time with my pets as I would like. Those are the things I now try daily to change, so at night I can lay down knowing i did right and good by myself, and by those around me.

[InChains]

14.08.13

Day 16

A strange day as suddenly everything I needed to do before moving dawned on me - initially I panicked, I became angry, was mean to my other half, yelled, finally calmed and then had what I now realize was a small panic attack. so I now have some more things to work on

anger management here is key - simply asking myself what I'm angry about instead of exploding at anyone and anything that happens to be around me.

and secondly - coping with stress, making lists, being practical about how much I have to do, and how much time i need for myself to relax.

[FlyAway]

14.08.13

I felt like so much of my getting sober was just learning how to "be." Learning how to live daily life without a buzz. Just how to deal with shit. That part felt harder than taking away the alcohol.

[InChains]

14.08.13

30 days

and 2 days of freshers week down, completely sober, proudly informing everyone whilst sat in te student union bar that, no thank you, I do not drink

[paulywogg]

14.08.13

great job inchy!

[free at last]

14.08.13

Hi Inchy,
Just checking in to see how you are doing. How's school going for you? Imagine you have lots of deadlines but hope, every now and then, you post a note to let us all know how you are. Many people on MWO are pulling for you.

All best,

[InChains]

14.08.13

hey free, so busy with moving in nd starting projects - now on 44 days AF! can't believe how far i've come, all time record for me

[free at last]

14.08.13

This is wonderful news, Inchy. Am so happy for you. Sending you thoughts of strength to stay with this -- you can do it. We both can do it (I'm on 75 days, each day is a new record for me!).

So proud of you. Keep going strong and focused.

[InChains]

14.08.13

just running in as I am now 60 days AF and so so proud to be here, I won't lie, it's been getting harder for me to keep at it lately, alot of drinking dreams and thoughts creeping in but I'm still here with 2 goals: I will finish sober october for charity, and I will remain AF until I meet my favorite band next month (massive inspiration to my sobriety as well, would mean alot to meet them AF). Beyond that I intend to remain AF, but its really a case of little steps, with christmas, my 21st and a whole ton of other challenges just around the corner, it's enough for me to say I'm here today, for the 60th day in a row, and I'm gonna keep trying.

[free at last]

14.08.13

Hey Inchy, a quick note to send my congrats on your 60+ AF days. What a major accomplishment. i know about the struggles around 60 days -- for me, from 60-70 days I had to work really hard to push on and then at 80 days I felt like I had turned a corner and was cruising. Also, I had 4 drinking dreams in about five weeks --they were troubling, but when I awoke and realized I hadn't caved in, I was relieved.

This week, at 90 days I had a fleeting sense of having "licked" this addiction. All of this to say I know all too well that I am battling a cunning, seductive foe and we need to keep our guard up.

Glad to hear school is going well, that you have some goals to keep you focused on the AF path.

[free at last]

14.08.13

Hey Inchy,
Forgot to add that I am taking antabuse -- half a table (125mg) once every 7-10 days. (Most people take it more frequently, but once a week seems to do the trick for me). It is amazingly helpful in fighting those thoughts about "just one drink" or "just this weekend." When I go past the 10 day period without AB, the thoughts occupy my brain way too much and I fear I will cave in.

Again, wanted to say how pleased I am for you in making it this far. You can do this, you are stronger than you think (to quote K9!).

Warmest,

[InChains]

14.08.13

struggling alot right now, some horrible things in my personal life, no friends here, no family, can't talk to fiance any more, just feel like i'm staring down the barrel of a relapse or worse. doubt i can take much more pressure... scared of whats going to happen. so very very trapped. af 64 days - dont see this lasting much longer.

[InChains]

14.08.13

almost want something to happen, a last straw so i don't have to blame myself when i drink... if i drink...