Here I go!

[mdianeo]

Hi, Folks!
Time to close my eyes and jump in.
I'm a 51 YO married woman with 2 adult kids living in beautiful central Texas. I have a great relationship with my kids and a husband who loves me very much. I have a great job, love to sing, read, garden, boat, and am very happy with my life--EXCEPT--I drink way, way too much. No new story here I know.
I started moderating about 5 years ago in Moderation Management. Couldn't make that stick. I quit a few years ago for over 6 months working with the "Seven Weeks to Sobriety" program. (I was so content but at the same time highly critical of my spouse who also drinks too much.) Decided to test the waters while out of town with my daughter, of all people, and had to have that marg with Mexican food. Started up the whole cycle again. Joined Women for Sobriety but the group here has disbanded. I've had sporadic starts and stops since a few months or a few weeks at a time. I don't even tell anyone I'm quitting AGAIN!
I downloaded the MWO book months ago. Read it through at the time.
Time to put it in to action.
My Mom called me last night and I could barely talk to her. She said she'd talk to me later.
(my parents are very religious tee-totalers) I guess I'll have to fess up and tell her I was loaded. Maybe that will make me accountable. God knows they have enough to worry about and they thought I was the one kid that was "Okay".
Anyway, I'm tired of being so worn down by all this. I feel like the only way anyone will ever believe in me again is to completely quit. Moderation just never seems to work. I've had plenty of embarrassing moments I'm too ashamed to mention.
Sorry this is so long. I'm so depressed. Trying to figure out why I keep doing this over and over again. Pretty sure I need therapy. Was molested several times as a child but can't quite pinpoint how old I was at the time, maybe five or six. Thought I had resolved it internally but I'm sure I have underlying issues.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
Di

[Beaches]

Here I go!

Hi Di and welcome,
Be true to yourself. If you want to quit drinking there's tons of support here or if you choose to moderate. Sounds like you want to abstain which is great. There are threads for Abstainers and Moderators that you can join. I have found that keeps me more accountable than ever before. The people here have supported me and do not judge. That is so important.
I wish you the best and you too will find the support you need. Stick around.

[MKR]

Here I go!

Dear Di, You sound like you know what you need to do. As Beaches said, join in and find some support this time around that is not going anywhere. . . . Don't you just hate it when you get buzzed while talking to someone on the phone? Been over a year for me now, but that comment rang true for me!

WELCOME! You can do this!! Hugs, Mary

[mdianeo]

Here I go!

Thanks to you both. I'm not sure where I fit in with all of this. I just know I want to make it work. I feel like my life would be "perfect" if I did not drink. But then I guess the real problems will start to surface. Got to be a reason why I can't equate having fun with being sober.

[julie001]

Here I go!

You've come to the right place. I've said this many times, but I will say it again. MYO works. It's not a miracle cure...I am still drinking, but much less. I'm just a beginner here, but so far it has been very, very helpful. Log on every day and read, read, read...I recommend using all the supps and the CD's too. The support that you will get here is tremendous! Welcome and good luck.

Julie