Need to get this off my chest

[Bella]

Hello to anyone who is listening. I won't be long. I just felt the time is right to tell my story. I started drinking when i was 15. I drink to feel good. I have not felt good all my life, so escape to my own world with the bottle. I lived with a mentally ill brother and parents who did not have time for anything but him. He was a very violent young man and often did some awful things to us. He finally killed himself, which was what he wanted. I have found this hard to deal with. I spent alot of my childhood hiding under the dining room table keeping quiet and not making a fuss. I was very frightened of him. As the years went by, I used to cut my arms, take alot of pills etc. For some stupid reason, thinking this was all my fault. As an adult I hide with the bottle and do not make a fuss. Until a few months ago, I thought I was okay but after a few suicide attempts have realised I am not okay. It has been hard facing up to issues from my past but after some counselling and finding all of you, I now know it is not shameful to admit I have a problem. What happened to me is not my fault. I have found new strength since opening up about things and I am slowly but surely recovering- I think!
Thankyou for listening.
Bella xxx

[TomNolds]

Need to get this off my chest

Thank You Bella for sharing.Don't know what to say but it sounds like your well on your way to a higher level of healing and recovery, I had a sister who comitted suicide in 88 and my life has never been the same. Again thank you for sharing and anytime if any you'd like to talk about anything inclueing suicide and issuses around it I am available . As always Tom

[Beaches]

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Bella I am so glad that you decided to share. I am so happy you are here HUGS!!

[Popeye]

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Hello Bella.
Thank you.

[Guest]

Need to get this off my chest

Bella...thank-you for sharing. hugs to you!!!!

[betty boop]

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Bella,

It's hard to share such a story, bit it just shows that you are getting better ..... Keep on going, it will be worth it.

Love & Hugs :h :l :h

[Guest]

Need to get this off my chest

Bella, Sharing something that painful is hard. It is also a very brave thing to do. I recognize the strength it took to post. I appreciate you so very much.
Love & hugs
Mary

[Happier]

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Bella,
Thanks for opening up.
What an awful experience for a child to go through.
Now it's time for you to be good to yourself Bella. Sending lots of hugs your way.

[Preciouspinot]

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Bella, I somehow missed this earlier. I agree with a history like yours it's about time to make up for lost happiness and make the most out of your life now! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I hope you realize just how strong you really are and can tap into that strength.

[chrysa]

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Dear Bella,
You are so right on several counts..."you are not okay" and "it is not shamefult ot admit that you have problems". You just need help. We al do at some point in our lives. You just need to make sure that you get the help that you need. That is your job in this, even though it was not your fault.

It does sound like you are on the right road. Very glad. You are a beautiful person. Continue to share.

[hope4me]

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Hi Bella,
Thank you for sharing your story. We all have stories to tell. I truly believe by sharing them that it is a way of healing yourself because now it's not all pent up inside. It's a way of releasing and letting it go. Now you can feel lighter and move forward.

[hidden_gem]

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Oh Bella,

What a sad childhood, and how sad that all your precious growing up time was taken up with worry for your brother and his impact on the family.
Bless you for sharing.

I can’t say that I know how you feel – how can I – but I did have a friend whose brother committed suicide at a young age, when she was a teenager too. She had a lot of trouble because after his death it was never mentioned. She, like you, was frightened for a long time and paradoxically thought it was her fault.

She is 42 years old now and spent a lot of time with an analyst over the years. She feels that she has learned to deal with things. The point I think is that most relevant to you is that she wishes that the resources and the acceptance that we have now were available to her 20 years ago; she feels as if she had had the right assistance at the time she could have coped much better.

Bella, I don’t know how old you are and I wouldn’t be so presumptuous as to imagine how you could best cope with this, but I do see that as you’ve said, you’ve got a lot out of your interaction here (not that that would be enough in itself).

I send you all the love and strength that I can possibly muster; remember that you have as much right as anyone else to be in this world right now; and that you have the right to have the best possible life that you can have.

Much love

Gem x

[tea]

Need to get this off my chest

Power to you Bella and thanks for sharing your story, it takes a lot of strength to do that.

Lorna

[Lotus]

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Bella

Thanks for sharing this with us. They say a problem shared is a problem halved.

Sometimes it it easy to try and forget things, but the fact that you have dealt with them and realised that it was not your fault, shows how strong you are. This is YOUR life, you make your decisions and your grab whatever opportunity there is to make life a wonderful place. Something you want to wake up to everyday with a smile.

Take care.

[Arial]

Need to get this off my chest

What a soul-touching post, Bella. I sincerely hope you are able to now move towards the life you so deserve.

Very warmest wishes,