Hi Kel,
I too have said some pretty horrific things when drunk... it's like drunk Gem thinks, "How can I ensure that this relationship gets damaged as much as possible???" and talks from there. So I do understand where you're coming from.
One thing I have noticed is that I have tended to make these vicious comments when there has been things bothering me that I did not bring up - that I just left simmering away until I exploded when drunk. Because I like to keep the peace so much I often don't say how I feel at the time something bothers me - and sometimes I don't even KNOW something bothers me, because I've got so good at squashing my emotions.
The distance thing must be so tough, and I imagine it would mean that each time you meet there would be tension - anxiety about trying to squeeze in as much time together as possible and anxiety about making sure every moment is as perfect as possible.
You DO sound so much better in yourself than at the start of your post. Your hand ain't the only thing that's healing!
Much love
Gem x
Comment