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[Doodles123]

I have so much to be happy about yet I never am.

I love my husband and have no interest to be with anyone else but I don't want to be married to him anymore. I want a divorce but we cannot afford to live separately. I feel like the only reason we are still married is because we can't afford to live on our own. It's very expensive to live here.

Anyway, it seems like "out of the blue" I started drinking 3 years ago and I'm almost 50. Before I might have a drink but it wasn't something I thought about and I could easily have only 1 or 2 beer. Now I can't stop. Is it because I am so unhappy? I am a closet drinker but I guess it's not a secret anymore.

This morning my husband said there was puke all over the bathroom and he cleaned it up. I don't remember puking. I have had a number of mishaps and a couple times I even forgot to "hide" the last can of beer because I "forgot" about it. I have to quit but I don't know how. I am actually getting scared because I am drinking more and more and can't stop and now I am doing and saying things that I don't remember. Very scary that I have fallen down stairs, puked, etc. :upset:

[broken halo]

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Doodles, I am sorry about what's going on between you and your husband. Do you want to stop drinking?

[MossRose]

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Hi Doodles - glad you have joined us. It sounds like you have two separate issues going on - your unhappiness in your marriage, and your drinking. Maybe you could try tackling your AL problem first, then make decisions about the rest of your life. I'm not suggesting that you stay in a bad relationship, particularly if there is any abuse. However, you have not hinted at that, so I assume you are just generally dissatisfied with your marriage. BH asked a good question - do you want to quit drinking?

When my marriage was falling apart, I used my unhappiness as an excuse to drink. I blamed him in a way. I know that sounds odd, but it's true. After we separated, I thought my problems would be over and I would just magically stop drinking. But no, I continued to drink. Actually, I drank more. That's when I realized that the real problem was that I was unhappy with my life - within and apart from my marriage.

That's when I got serious about getting sober. Since then, I have started making some changes in my life and now feel a peace I haven't felt in years. I am sorry for making this about my story. But I hear something in your post that reminds me of where I was a short time ago. I hope this makes sense. Also, have you thought that maybe there is physical reason for this? Please think about having your vitamin and hormone levels checked.

Stay close and hang in there. xx

[Kradle123]

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Hi Doodles:
I am in the exact same boat with my husband and my life as you are...I really am...
Many people would think I have a pretty good life...not stellar but nice and yet I find no joy in my husband, my marriage, my sobrity, really.
I only find joy in my twins ...and my dog....

I believe whole heatedly that this is because I find little to no joy in myself. Trite but true I'm afraid.

I could leave my husband...have an affair...fly off to Jamaica ...but I know in the deepest truth that none of that would make an eye droppers worth of difference. :upset:

So I come to MWO...try to follow in the footsteps of success here... read...post...go to bed early....

I have to believe that eventually I will find what I'm looking for...so you will, sweet Foodles. You've already started the journey.
Stay Close
:l:h

[mlisa]

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Such wise words Kradle123, I hear ya completely & understand completely. If we don't love ourselves & aren't happy with ourselves, we'll never find happiness.
That's all I hope for, one day. Happiness & sobriety, but they go hand in hand, for me at least. Day 7 & I'm a long way off finding it yet, but ever hopeful!