Here it is, and I'm going to get it out and then let it go. I once heard a minister say to a person who was complaining about his terrible circumstances, "If you'd stop knowing your story, maybe your story would go away?" Well, it kinda fits here. Basically, this will soon be my buried story so I can get on with my new story, sobriety or moderation, which ever I choose.
I have been drinking for roughly twenty years and just in the past five years, it has begun to consume me. I don't drink in the morning, but the five o'clock hour is getting earlier and earlier in the day. After reading the MWO book, I was inspired because before this, I truly felt that I was alone in this vicious circle of addiction.
I have been happily married for eighteen years to a non-drinker, he just doesn't care for the taste, lucky him. My husband is sometimes irritated with my drinking but doesn't say much. Ironically, even though he doesn't say much, I still hide the bottle and keep my drink out of sight. I'm pretty contolled when out socially, especially if it is with aquaintances. However, I can't wait to get home and continue drinking. With family or close friends I'll loosen up more and have sometimes had regretful evenings. Nevertheless, I don't think anyone suspects how much trouble I'm really in.
I am a professional and rarely miss work due to drinking (there are many days I don't feel good enough, but I force myself). I get so angry with myself for not monitoring my input. It's as if after the first drink, I have no concern for anything except keeping the buzz going, even if it means feeling like crap the next morning and having to face a long day at work. That is when I know I'm in trouble. Then I go to work and envy all my co-workers, as I know they feel great and did not overindulge the night before.
When I have abstained before, I feel so totally awesome. I stay up late and do meaningful things, like read, watch favorite TV programs, email friends, essentially, stay connected with life. When I drink, I go into the coccoon and hide from everyone (except the hubby) because I can't communicate with anyone for a couple of reasons, I'll either slur my way through the conversation or forget the conversation... both suck.
So, I am so grateful for this website which has allowed me to be honest with myself and see that others are going through what I am. It helps alot to know that I'm not being judged. The support I've felt so far has been phenomenal.
I have been drinking for roughly twenty years and just in the past five years, it has begun to consume me. I don't drink in the morning, but the five o'clock hour is getting earlier and earlier in the day. After reading the MWO book, I was inspired because before this, I truly felt that I was alone in this vicious circle of addiction.
I have been happily married for eighteen years to a non-drinker, he just doesn't care for the taste, lucky him. My husband is sometimes irritated with my drinking but doesn't say much. Ironically, even though he doesn't say much, I still hide the bottle and keep my drink out of sight. I'm pretty contolled when out socially, especially if it is with aquaintances. However, I can't wait to get home and continue drinking. With family or close friends I'll loosen up more and have sometimes had regretful evenings. Nevertheless, I don't think anyone suspects how much trouble I'm really in.
I am a professional and rarely miss work due to drinking (there are many days I don't feel good enough, but I force myself). I get so angry with myself for not monitoring my input. It's as if after the first drink, I have no concern for anything except keeping the buzz going, even if it means feeling like crap the next morning and having to face a long day at work. That is when I know I'm in trouble. Then I go to work and envy all my co-workers, as I know they feel great and did not overindulge the night before.
When I have abstained before, I feel so totally awesome. I stay up late and do meaningful things, like read, watch favorite TV programs, email friends, essentially, stay connected with life. When I drink, I go into the coccoon and hide from everyone (except the hubby) because I can't communicate with anyone for a couple of reasons, I'll either slur my way through the conversation or forget the conversation... both suck.
So, I am so grateful for this website which has allowed me to be honest with myself and see that others are going through what I am. It helps alot to know that I'm not being judged. The support I've felt so far has been phenomenal.
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