Please help me understand my husband

[maggiekeys]

I'm writing this at my inlaws, in bed next to my five day old firstborn. My husband is about two hundred feet away in a tiny dirty trailer. In his defense he has been adding to it by building a beautiful room and it CAN be cleaned up.
He is an alcoholic, refuses to see it and his drinking is the reason we are in debt and not together as a family. He's been violent, he's been hospitalized, we are drowning in misery. The grace of God and support from my inlaws keeps us afloat.
But my heart is shattered, my tears anger him, counting change for food...WHY doesn't this matter? I just want to know if any recovered alcoholics have ever apologized or made up for the damage done to their families.

[satz123]

Please help me understand my husband

maggiekeys;1594899 wrote: I'm writing this at my inlaws, in bed next to my five day old firstborn. My husband is about two hundred feet away in a tiny dirty trailer. In his defense he has been adding to it by building a beautiful room and it CAN be cleaned up.
He is an alcoholic, refuses to see it and his drinking is the reason we are in debt and not together as a family. He's been violent, he's been hospitalized, we are drowning in misery. The grace of God and support from my inlaws keeps us afloat.
But my heart is shattered, my tears anger him, counting change for food...WHY doesn't this matter? I just want to know if any recovered alcoholics have ever apologized or made up for the damage done to their families.

Hi Maggie :l
Your post touched me - I really feel for you.
I am not the best for sdvice on this - all I know is you can't fix him - he has to fix himself.
Start to build a life of your own - away from from PLEASE !
Others will be on soon with better advice and maybe a number you can ring - as we would need to know here you are ??

[maggiekeys]

Please help me understand my husband

Thank you very much. : ) I believe that through God and reading other's experiences I can better support my husband and help him to recovery.

[Overit44]

Please help me understand my husband

Maggie-I don't have much advice either. My father was an alcoholic until I was 17, then was clean for 9 years, then fell off the wagon and drank himself to death. It was heartbreaking all the way around but I still love with all my heart. It is a disease, it is not a choice. I believe it can be tamed, not cured. I am sober but I'm still an alcoholic. I do know that the only thing that sobered up my father for those 9 years was his family leaving him. Good luck to you. I'll be praying for you. Please stop back in and keep us up to date.

[poppy62]

Please help me understand my husband

Maggie I am so sorry to hear of your plight and it shames me to think what I have put my family through due to alcohol. But sadly the only person who can cure your husband is himself he does not see he has a problem then there is little you can do. I had to loose many people and many things before I did something. I believe AA have support groups for family and friends of alcoholic perhaps they may be of help and support to you. I wish yo and your new baby luck xx

[DipGal]

Please help me understand my husband

Oh Maggie, I wish I had advice.. I only have a big ((hug)) for you!

[Rusty]

Please help me understand my husband

Maggie,:l

I hope you got through the holidays ok....it seems like New Year's Eve is always an excuse to get trashed for a lot of people. I hope you and your new baby came out of your hellish life unscathed. Please check in with us and let us know. You asked if recovering alcoholics have ever apologized or made up for the damage they caused to others. The answer for me, is yes, I have. I have written short letters to my family members and friends whom I disappointed, apologizing for my actions, and describing specific events where I know I showed up drunk, or very late, and under the influence, and I embarrassed them. It was hard for me to do but I'm glad I did it. My friends and family have forgiven me, and I have finally, finally, forgiven myself. My drinking career was fast, furious and terrifying: 3.5 years. Fortunately, it's over now, and has been over for quite a while.

People many times see my name, "Rusty," and think I am a man. I am not. I am a 52-year-old sober woman.

Please update us with your situation. I wish you and your family peace in 2014.

[Jazi's Mum]

Please help me understand my husband

Hi Maggie, we all hope you are well and safe. Please check in if you are able. In answer to your question, yes, drunks who want to can make up the damage done to themselves and loved ones.

But as has been said only your poor husband can make the decision that he's fed up living as he is and wants to change. Don't cry anymore, don't whine and nag and don't ask or beg him to change - you are in a terrible spot and believe me our hearts go right out to you - but honey, there is help for you out there. Don't wait for your husband to change into the man you want him to be. He may never do that.

Make some plans for yourself and your little one as soon as the holidays are over. Depending on where you are there must be programs you can hook up to - including Alanon which I hear is very helpful.

God bless you. JMum