Hello All-
I feel compelled to write my story. I'll try to keep it brief, but probably won't.
My adult history, in a nutshell, is one of abusing substances. I was a pretty clean-cut kid until I moved to San Francisco at the age of 21. There I was introduced to "club drugs" such as ecstasy, GHB, ketamine and crystal meth. I went from dabbling to full-blown abuse in the course of a year or so. The thing that finally pulled me out of it was seeing the destruction it was creating all around me. Several friends died, several almost died, many contracted HIV. My roommate was manufacturing drugs in our own apartment and almost burned the building down. What a wake up call that was! I got out and found myself enjoying a very fulfilling substance-free life.
I had never had a problem with alcohol (and didn't trip a drop when I was "partying" due to some potential interactions with the drugs). But slowly it crept up on me. Both parents are alcoholics, so with half a brain in my head I should have seen this coming. Most of my friends also gave up drugs, but many of us now found ourselves abusing alcohol.
My Mom turned me on to MWO about 1.5 years ago. She also struggles with alcohol and thought it might help. She had no idea what a bad state I was in. AF for weeks, then a 36 hour binge. Boy did it help. I enjoyed amazing success - became a distance runner, 40 lbs just melted off of me. It got fairly lazy with the supplements (couldn't ever handle the Topa) and the tapes, but vigorous exercise really kept me on track. I found running was also great for my depression. I honestly had never felt better.
Then, I got an amazing job offer with my company to work overseas. I moved to Asia in January (by myself, my partner would come join me at some point in the future). It was unfamiliar territory, all the more motivation not to drink. I honestly didn't even THINK about alcohol for the first two months. Then my partner came to visit and we enjoyed the night life a little too much. I wasted 2 or 3 days of the visit being so hung over I couldn't move.
After he left, it was like some kind of trigger was clicked in my brain. I would go to buy bottled water at 7-11 and suddenly noticed the beer. It had been there all along, but suddenly it was catching my attention. I don't even like beer! But I started buying it. First a 4 pack. Then two 4 packs (they were on sale, I rationalized). The two 4 packs and 2 or 3 40's.
My thinking got all warped and I started trying to hide it. I found myself alternating where I bought the beer (like I needed to care of an employee of 7-11 in a foreign country thought about me!) and hiding the bottles and cans on my heavy days, only to place small amounts in the trash on my AF days in order to fool the maids. They also come to empty the trash every day, so I would have to make sure I'd pass out behind the dresser so they wouldn't see me and call the coroner! Looking back, I can't help but laugh.
Yesterday, as I was having a beer for breakfast and chatting with my partner back home on Skype, I suddenly realized where this was all headed. Even though my brain was saying "oh just finish that last beer, you don't want to waste it!" I poured everything down the drain. I forced myself to sleep off what was left in my system and the bought tons of water and Gatorade.
So I'm basically 1 day AF. Yesterday was such a change. I woke up after sleeping off my beer breakfast, cleaned myself up and cleaned my whole apartment (I'm such a neat freak and it was a pigsty). I don't have access to a gym here, so I went for a 2 hour walk. I went to a really neat bookstore and splurged on a cool design book and a guide to stretching. I read these forums for about 2 hours and decided this morning to stop being such a stalker and participate.
I'm looking forward to alcohol being more like butter - I'm not opposed to it, but not obsessed with it either.
Thanks for reading.
I feel compelled to write my story. I'll try to keep it brief, but probably won't.
My adult history, in a nutshell, is one of abusing substances. I was a pretty clean-cut kid until I moved to San Francisco at the age of 21. There I was introduced to "club drugs" such as ecstasy, GHB, ketamine and crystal meth. I went from dabbling to full-blown abuse in the course of a year or so. The thing that finally pulled me out of it was seeing the destruction it was creating all around me. Several friends died, several almost died, many contracted HIV. My roommate was manufacturing drugs in our own apartment and almost burned the building down. What a wake up call that was! I got out and found myself enjoying a very fulfilling substance-free life.
I had never had a problem with alcohol (and didn't trip a drop when I was "partying" due to some potential interactions with the drugs). But slowly it crept up on me. Both parents are alcoholics, so with half a brain in my head I should have seen this coming. Most of my friends also gave up drugs, but many of us now found ourselves abusing alcohol.
My Mom turned me on to MWO about 1.5 years ago. She also struggles with alcohol and thought it might help. She had no idea what a bad state I was in. AF for weeks, then a 36 hour binge. Boy did it help. I enjoyed amazing success - became a distance runner, 40 lbs just melted off of me. It got fairly lazy with the supplements (couldn't ever handle the Topa) and the tapes, but vigorous exercise really kept me on track. I found running was also great for my depression. I honestly had never felt better.
Then, I got an amazing job offer with my company to work overseas. I moved to Asia in January (by myself, my partner would come join me at some point in the future). It was unfamiliar territory, all the more motivation not to drink. I honestly didn't even THINK about alcohol for the first two months. Then my partner came to visit and we enjoyed the night life a little too much. I wasted 2 or 3 days of the visit being so hung over I couldn't move.
After he left, it was like some kind of trigger was clicked in my brain. I would go to buy bottled water at 7-11 and suddenly noticed the beer. It had been there all along, but suddenly it was catching my attention. I don't even like beer! But I started buying it. First a 4 pack. Then two 4 packs (they were on sale, I rationalized). The two 4 packs and 2 or 3 40's.
My thinking got all warped and I started trying to hide it. I found myself alternating where I bought the beer (like I needed to care of an employee of 7-11 in a foreign country thought about me!) and hiding the bottles and cans on my heavy days, only to place small amounts in the trash on my AF days in order to fool the maids. They also come to empty the trash every day, so I would have to make sure I'd pass out behind the dresser so they wouldn't see me and call the coroner! Looking back, I can't help but laugh.
Yesterday, as I was having a beer for breakfast and chatting with my partner back home on Skype, I suddenly realized where this was all headed. Even though my brain was saying "oh just finish that last beer, you don't want to waste it!" I poured everything down the drain. I forced myself to sleep off what was left in my system and the bought tons of water and Gatorade.
So I'm basically 1 day AF. Yesterday was such a change. I woke up after sleeping off my beer breakfast, cleaned myself up and cleaned my whole apartment (I'm such a neat freak and it was a pigsty). I don't have access to a gym here, so I went for a 2 hour walk. I went to a really neat bookstore and splurged on a cool design book and a guide to stretching. I read these forums for about 2 hours and decided this morning to stop being such a stalker and participate.
I'm looking forward to alcohol being more like butter - I'm not opposed to it, but not obsessed with it either.
Thanks for reading.
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