First Day

[sillyserver]

Hi all. I woke up this morning just disgusted with myself. When I looked around my room I had four empty vodka bottles on my dresser. I don't even remember how/ when I got them. I am so disgusted and ashamed of myself for going on another binge. Just one sip is all it takes for me to just go in a stupor. I am so stressed out because I have court coming up this week and just the fear of them sending me back to jail just kills me, not to mention I have a million fleeting thoughts going through my head. I told myself last Thursday that I would only have one night of drinking) I was off on Friday and of course just couldn't stop. Tried to make my way into work but could barely even get dressed. I feel so so bad. My sobriety is obviously something I need to be conscious of every single day of my life, and that's scary. I called AA and am going to a meeting here in a few hours, but would like to keep up with them. I'm just tired of being sick and tired. Tired of lying to everyone, mainly myself. I need to hold myself accountable for my actions. Here goes nothing. Back to the beginning of day one :-/

[available]

First Day

Hi Silly and welcome. Wow thats a lot of vodka i must say and thats not a good thing. I was a wine drinker, loved it, still would love to love it but i cant. I do love my sobriety though and its taken a lot of hard work and dedication and honesty in this journey. We all get to some point where we think "enough is enough" and then the hard work starts. Al is a sneaky bastard, willing and eager to get you to drink and without help we seem to slide back into thinking "i'll just drink today". Always fails, it did for me, no such word as "moderation" as with a lot of people on MWO. You can do this Silly, take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. The first few days are not pleasant, no use beating around the bush but as the days go on the anxiety lessens, the shakes lessen, the depression slowly lifts and there is light at the end of the tunnel. You are totally correct in sobriety has to be your main focus. Each and everyday i come on here to read, to post, to be a part of a place that understands what i am feeling. Welcome to this place. Head over to the Newbies Nest, nearly always someone to help you along the way.

Every day af is a good day. Take care

[Doggygirl]

First Day

Hi sillyserver and :welcome: I'm so glad you found us. My Way Out forum + AA was the formula that eventually worked for me. You will find your way out too if you never give up trying to quit. I can relate to the empty vodka bottles and remorse. You don't have to live like that any more. :l

DG

[MossRose]

First Day

sillyserver - I just read your story and wanted to say welcome. It's been a while since you checked in. Are you ok? What happened at court? Four bottles of vodka is a bit scary, although I did my fair share of scary drinking back in the day, so not judging, just worried. Please come back and let us know how you are doing. I hope AA helps, and you have us now too. Hang in there.

[lead366]

First Day

Hi Silly:

Yes--I agree with wisdom above....just visit this site and post in newbies as often as you wish...it takes a few trys and what helped me was doing what others advised. There are nice benefits after about 4-5 days...then 15 days---then 25 and so on. Im now day 28 and feeling so good i have no desire for AL. Take good care of your health and perhaps see a Doc if those bottles are a daily diet. Hope you join us here