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    secret drinker 9 days sober.

    Hey guys, having been a secret drinker for the past maybe 5 years im back on the wagon. I say "back on the wagon" as in October last year my secret drinking was discovered and I didnt drink from November then a couple of weeks ago things got on top of me and I turned to the only thing I knew. I was caught out again and for the last 9 days ive been sober.
    it started like I say about 5 years ago, I always drank, pretty much every day but I started having extra "secret drinks" usually during the day hiding it from my wife and family, people would often question why i was so drunk when i seemingly hadnt drank that much but on the whole I hid it well (vodka usually).
    I always worked full time but in the last 2 years started having sly drinks at lunch times, I was never caught out at work but last year I got caught out by my wife, I promiced to stop drinking completely and for about 3-4 months everyone thought I had stopped but I was still secretly drinking.
    after a few months (this time without getting caught) my wife said it was fine to drink socially again.
    My secret drinking continued until last October when like I said I actually DID stop drinking until my slip up 9 days ago.
    im still finding it very hard as I like drinking, there is no getting away from that but the guilt and shame of lying to my wife were too much to bare.
    im glad I found this site as AA wouldn't be for me but speaking to people who really understand rather than just doctors and nurses who have helped but they dont truely understand what a struggle it is not to just reach for a drink.

    #2
    secret drinker 9 days sober.

    Welcome to MWO Ninja!

    We know what a struggle it is to not drink. But that struggle lessens as time goes on. I don't have much time under my belt, but am determined to continue on this road to a better life. It is so much better without alcohol, and if you're like me and the majority of people on here, you don't have an off switch, or you wouldn't be secretly hiding. Check out the toolbox in Monthly Abs section. Lots of good info on there, then stop up in Newbie's Nest. They're a great group of supportive people. Again, welcome.
    Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

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      #3
      secret drinker 9 days sober.

      Welcome Ninja! I hear ya. Successfully moderated for a while but have been secretly drinking as well (Vodka - which I never drank before) Need to stop asap. Actually need to buy another bottle of vodka to replace the one I filled with water. Arrgghhhh.. Stopping that immediately.
      Welcome to MWO and read , read , read. Lets kill the secret drinking!!

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        #4
        secret drinker 9 days sober.

        Thanks guys, yeah Sharky I never drank Vodka before either, the only reason I drank it was because it was easy to hide the smell, thats the only reason.

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          #5
          secret drinker 9 days sober.

          Ninja-
          Exactly the same. I hide it in soda can. Do not like the path that this is going down. I usually drink beer but my wife is really monitoring that - so have been supplementing w/Vodka. Time to stop . Not a good pattern.

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            #6
            secret drinker 9 days sober.

            Thats what I used to do, my wife wluld wonder why I was so jolly after 4 beers when really id had a half bottle as well. Its a slippery slope, the more I got away with it tbe more I pushed it and the more you push it the closer you get to getting busted.
            try to think about how disappointed, hurt and upset your wife would be if (or probably more realistically WHEN unless you stop) she finds out.
            I used to wake up through the night with terrible paranoia and guilt, took me a while to realise that's what it was.

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              #7
              secret drinker 9 days sober.

              Hi Ninja - there are so many of us here who can totally relate, and have done the same.
              As j-vo suggested the newbies nest is a great place to get started and lots of great ideas in the tool box.
              Please don't replace the vodka bottle - don't put temptation in the way - you are at a great start with 9 days, don't do anything that will throw those days away, just keep on going now...:welcome:
              “The only courage you will ever need is the courage to live the life you want"

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                #8
                secret drinker 9 days sober.

                Exactly right. Not an if but a when. That will be devastating and not worth risking it any more. Commitment starts today.

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                  #9
                  secret drinker 9 days sober.

                  Thanks Scottish lass, this is all very helpful.
                  There are a lot of plus points to not drinking that I try to focus on, I do miss it but thats to be expected, being a scotsman myself the thought of never tasting a nice malt again is daunting but ive read a wee bit on here and everyone keeps saying not to think about it that way, im trying not to.

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                    #10
                    secret drinker 9 days sober.

                    Scottish lass- its Sharky needing to replace vodka not me lol
                    we have no alchohol in our house at all.

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                      #11
                      secret drinker 9 days sober.

                      That would be me. Need to replace as the consequence of getting caught would be worse. My challenge will be to not dip into it which I feel I'm completely committed to not doing. Easier to say than do but will have to hold myself accountable. Hate this feeling but did it to myself. Need to be stronger.

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                        #12
                        secret drinker 9 days sober.

                        Oops - sorry for the mix up - still suffering from the time change.
                        Yes, you can't think that way - if I ever go to the place of "never" I panic - I truly enjoyed drinking, until it took over and it enjoyed me too much. The lying, guilt, feeling depressed and sick were too much. I do live in hope that one day I will enjoy again - even though I know it is likely never going to happen I can't go to that place - I take it one day at a time and enjoy each day....the future will take care of itself.

                        Sharky - I know I cannot have anything in the house - I would fail routinely...sometimes the journey to get drink is enough to let me know what an idiot I am being!
                        “The only courage you will ever need is the courage to live the life you want"

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                          #13
                          secret drinker 9 days sober.

                          Lass- you are correct. The plotting and scheming on how to get the drink is insane. Arrghh... Time, effort and sneaking around is nuts. Went through a great spell 45 days AF then very controlled drinking and it has since been slipping away. Been reading about the Sinclair Method but too afraid to go to the Dr. for prescription and discuss my "problem". Appreciate your comments and good luck as well.

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