How do you stop drinking when going thru painful loss?

[workingitout]

I'm currently going through a very painful breakup with someone who I've never felt such a connection with. I am 36 and thought he was the one. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at being alone and that's when my drinking gets the best of me. When I was with him or with friends, I'm able to moderate but when I'm here alone, that is not the case. I realize I have codependency issues and throw alcohol on that and trying to get over someone, it feels almost unbearable. I know drinking is my way of hiding from the pain (this has gone on long before the breakup although I'm very good at hiding it, most of my friends just think I'm a homebody and my boyfriend and I only spent about 3 nights a week together so he never knew) but now the pain is so much greater I've done nothing but sit here and drink myself silly. Then, of course, we know how that perpetuates. You wake up panicky, sick and what do we turn to make ourselves feel better. Yep. It helps for a little while but I know it's making it worse. I need to be getting on with my life and getting out and doing things but I don't feel like doing anything at all. Only the alcohol seems to numb it. Doing this only makes me lose my self-esteem even more and self-esteem is what you need most after a breakup. I've had trouble with being alone before and now I feel more alone than ever. My boyfriend was like a "break" from the lonelies and sadly I had hoped having him around would encourage me more to get this under control. I say he was the one but I feel guilty b/c I don't feel like he knows the real me. Probably should go to a Coda meeting and AA but never have felt like the 12 steps were for me. Has anybody ever been here? How did you deal with it? Any help would be appreciated. By the way I have tried Topa and it did help curb the cravings but the side effects made me miserable. The tingling and the brain fog were so bad and my job requires a lot of mental work. I've also tried Naltrexone but didn't stop drinking while I was taking it. It just didn't seem to help.

[stillcrawling]

How do you stop drinking when going thru painful loss?

you in the right place

Working it Out, I can totally relate your post -- almost word for word. I am 39 and have had similar issues. Getting up and out is hard -- I have a dog -- when you have a dog you HAVE to go outside ... little Sparky has done wonders for that. I know it is hard ... whe your are literally STUCK -- I suggest read and read and read -- these posts are wonderful... and allow yourself to FEEL the loss and it is OK to be sad, it is OK to mourn, it is also OK to be alone ... but take care of YOU... keep posting and it will Wok Out (sorry for the pun) La Liz

[workingitout]

How do you stop drinking when going thru painful loss?

Thank you still crawling! I have two dogs and actually just made myself get out and take them for a stroll. It's not fair for them to be cooped up in here with me. And it feels great to get outside in the sun. They are definitely the highlight of my day when I come home. Always happy and always hopeful, waiting for the next adventure. I hope to be like them soon

Thanks again. I really appreciate your response. Hang in there too!

[nancy]

How do you stop drinking when going thru painful loss?

I can relate to your post quite a lot. I am of a similar age, with loneliness issues dating back as far as I can remember. The loss of a connection sends me right over the edge and historically, I would have used alcohol to help ease the sadness.

I think you should find a good therapist to help you unravel some of the negative thinking patterns that underlie the low self esteem. I didn't find a good one until my 10th, but it made such a huge difference. The therapist made me realize how my self-esteem issues were more a matter of perception, not reality, and how depressives tend to view themselves negatively. Also, there are a lot of nutritional issues related to depression. You could look at your diet and make very positive changes there. Read the threads on this site for more information.

Also, if the depression gets really bad, take an anti-depressant.

In terms of using a substance to help ease these issues... the book The Addictive Personality by Craig Nakken really helped me a lot.

I won't say it's going to be easy, but you can change your behavior so you turn to something else aside from booze.

Take care and keep coming back.,
Nancy

[Otie]

How do you stop drinking when going thru painful loss?

Hi workingitout,

I have been there, too, myself and few times in the last years and know how it feels. Take heed of Nancy's words, they are great. And keep posting and reading this site.

Otie
:h

[workingitout]

How do you stop drinking when going thru painful loss?

Nancy and Otie,
Thank you so much for responding. Nancy, I do see similar issues in us, as I have always felt like I needed to be connected to someone since I was very young. It started with friends and then boyfriends. I'm seeing someone but I'm not sure she's helping much with my self esteem issues. It's so hard to change negative thought patterns you've had your whole life. I liked that you mentioned proper nutrition. I've been considering taking a food allergy test because I feel like there may be a problem there that is associated with the depression I've had all of my life. Already on anti-depressants and know they are helping me tremendously. Would help more so if I'd give up the alcohol because it only brings me down. Thanks for the book recommendation. I'll look into it. I already have a shopping cart going with Amazon so it may be one to add.

Again, thank you both. I appreciate this site so much and the people on it.

:h

[nancy]

How do you stop drinking when going thru painful loss?

I just read an interesting book called the Omega 3 connection. Some researchers think there is a link between depletion of essential fatty acids, omega 3 in particular, and depression. Our diets in the west are often deficient in omega 3.

i just got a high quality fish oil supplement and am going to start taking it regularly. and yes, the alcohol isn't good for depression. I am struggling with similar issues, you are not alone!

Currently, I am reading a book called Food and Mood. Looks like there are a number of things that we can do with our diet to ease depression.
Limit sugar and caffeine
Make sure we get enough omega 3
Limit alcohol, depletes serotonin
Eat lots of fruit and veg
avoid deficits in essential nutrients, B Vitamins play a big role, folic acid, magnesium

[cassy]

How do you stop drinking when going thru painful loss?

Hi nancy i went to nutrition seminar today and yes you are spot on about a balanced diet..however the booze kills the effect!!
alcohol in moderation we all know is the goal..hopefully we are on the way.

The seminar made uncomfortable listening about alcohol..excessive calories, how it affects our brain, kidneys, liver, diabetes,,just about every function,

I too can quote the theory ..i just cant put it into action,,,i eat healthy stuff, exercise and then what do i do...pur in the wine!!!

Oh well i,m here to work on the imbalance of booze in my diet too!!

good luck..enjoy the healthy foods.
This British accredited dietician also stated that when a good diet is eaten then no need for supplements..ie vitamins etc.....that was her view base don scientific research she has studied.

The problem is the booze wrecks the good works of healthy eating !Well i will plod on doing my best each day and hope my brain takes this message on board sooner rather than later,


Regards Cassy

[hablur]

How do you stop drinking when going thru painful loss?

I am sorry about how you are feeling. I was wondering is your councilor a cognitive behavioral specialist? That is a valuable tool in retraining the mind to eliminate negative ways of thinking and building self esteem.

Nancy-- Omega 3 is also extremely crucial to someone who drinks as your lipd profile is elivated from drinking. Your triglycerides are impacted heavily by drinking and Omega 3 knocks the Triglyceride levels way back down which in turn helps you maintain clog fee arteries.

[workingitout]

How do you stop drinking when going thru painful loss?

Thanks so much guys for the nutrition advice. I know how important it is but seem to be better at "taking care" of myself with alcohol than nutrition and we know where that gets us. I'm going to look into it and may also order the supplements from MWO. That will at least get me some of the basics in a package. Oh by the way, I need to add that I've learned probiotics are very good for you and maintaining good digestion and a healthy balance of yeast and good bacteria. I feel that my drinking intake is affecting my yeast levels so that's one more thing on my list to work on.

Thanks again for the support!!

[chilli]

How do you stop drinking when going thru painful loss?

God, I can so relate to the being alone thing, when i go out with friends i usually drive so i dont drink much but get me home alone and i go nuts. i spend a fortune on stuff to keep me young and god you should see me today i look 100 if I just stopped binge drinking and smoking i wouldnt need to buy all this shit'. My mum use to say lonleness is a sickness and she is right, and then we add alcohol and its a whole different game.
Day 1 for me again here we go

[workingitout]

How do you stop drinking when going thru painful loss?

Hi Chilli. Sorry for the delayed response. I just saw it. I'm exactly the same way, keep it cool when I'm with the friends then get home alone and like you go nuts. Lately I find myself almost looking forward to when I can leave the friends so I can go home and really start drinking. How crazy is that? I also relate to what you said about spending a fortune trying to undo the damage. Since the breakup, I've been chain smoking, literally. Lips are starting to crinkle up not to mention dehyrdration from the alcohol, I look like hell. I have rosacea so the alcohol only makes it worse so my face is a lovely red shade most of the time. I think you are right that loneliness is a sickness and alcohol only makes me more of a hermit. Right now I'm trying to focus on learning to be happy with just myself. That's a tough chore especially when you add in alcohol. Doesn't exactly boost the ole self esteem. Anyway, congrats on trying a day 1. I hope you succeed and had even more. I haven't even considered day one yet. Tomorrow always seems like a better time. I did just get the supps in so maybe they will help.

Keep me posted on your progress!

[goingsobermum]

How do you stop drinking when going thru painful loss?

Hi Workingitout,
Day one is always hard to build up to but often when you get there its not as hard as you thought it would be and once you know you can do one day you can do it again, perhaps not all in sucession at the start but everyday af helps.

[workingitout]

How do you stop drinking when going thru painful loss?

Hi goingsobermum! Thanks for the tip. Yes, each day we go AF (I did before the breakup for about 5 days and was so proud of myself). I felt so good. I just need to stop being scared of "feeling" and realize that I can get through the night and then hopefully, the next one and the next one. Thanks for responding! I know even 1 day AF would be a huge accomplishment and I feel like I'm getting close to making that step. I go Friday for a Vivitrol injection so maybe that will help some. Thanks again!