New Here

[Loved1]

Ok, here goes, I have been reading on this site for about a month now, and have decided to register myself and post because what I have seen and read here seems very helpful and supportive. A little about myself: I am a 33 year old stay at home mother of two beautiful little girls, ages 4 and 1. My life is seemingly picture perfect, I get to stay at home with my children, just built a beautiful new home and have a wonderful loving husband of 8 years. So why the drinking issues lately? I say lately because I have always had times here and there when I would drink too much and get out of control going back to college, etc. However, since the birth of our daugther last year, I began drinking more and more at home, mostly always wine in the evenings and what started as a few glasses turned into a whole bottle, and what was a few times a week turned into everynight.
About 6 weeks ago, I drank way too much on a night out with my husband, and we got into an awful fight and as a result of a mutual decision, we were in a therapist's office 2 days later. Which I am so GRATEFUL for because it brought everything out in the open and forced me to deal with it.
My therapist (a recovering alcoholic herself and a 25 year member of AA) thought I should try to "moderate" my drinking to see if I could pull it off, in her words "a true alcoholic could not pull this off" and we set some rules for myself. The first of which was no drinking at home alone. Well about 2 weeks went by before I broke that one, was at the grocery store and felt I could have a few glasses of wine at home and be fine, well drank the whole bottle and woke up feeling awful.
Back to the therapist who told me I should swear it off for good and join AA. Well the problem is I do not know for SURE I want to say I dont ever want to drink again, the thought of turning down a margarita with good mexican food is particularly sad :H
And from what I have read and seen in the online forums of AA, it seems so utterly DEPRESSING to be a member of that group, this forum actually makes me feel good when I read it and gives me encouragement, when I read the AA stuff it just makes me sad.
Anyway, long introduction, but if anyone has a similar situation or insight, I would LOVE to hear from you, glad to be here, I feel better already

[Otie]

New Here

Hi Loved1,

Welcome, I'm rather new here, too. I really like pragmatic and friendly approach here. A lot of members will suggest and me, too to try the full MWO programs with supps and CDs. I have been going to AA, too and have to say that the meetings vary a lot - there are good groups and there are depressive ones. My personal opinion is that can help i.e. doing anything to stop drinking that is positive for the goal is OK. Go and check few meetings out -you will not loose anything, at least then you know. There's another program - Women for Sobriety - that is more positive than AA. They may have meetings near you. I personally did not feel the program fitting me, but as with clothes sizes - it is all indivual what fits and what not. The main thing is that you are here on this site and use it, it works.

Otie
:welcome:

[Kitty]

New Here

Hi Loved1 and :welcome: ,

I haven't been here very long but since I have I have seen a vast improvement in my drinking. I've gone from almost daily drinking and blacking out to drinking only 4 days in the last 25 and none of those times was I drunk.

There are alot of different opinions about AA. I myself have attended a few meetings and never quite got on with it as I don't really thrive in those face to face environments. This place is non-judgemental and everyone takes things at their own pace. I do not want to knock AA as some people find it a great help but sometimes I couldn't get a word in edge ways and sometimes I was asked to read text when all I wanted to do was sit quietly and observe.

You'll find tons of support and information here so stick around and read as much as you can. Post if you feel like it and you'll always find there are others who share and understand your experiences. There are threads for those who like to moderate their drinking and for those who like to abstain so once you have decided what you would like to do there will always be help at hand.

I wish you well for the future,

Kitty

[Bella]

New Here

Hi Loved1, and Welcome!! Glad you posted. I can relate to your situation. I am also a stay at home mum and to outside eyes, have a very happy home.
But....... having kids is stressful and being at home all the time is boring. So i increased my drinking without even realising it. 1 or 2 bottles every night. Bad news, as you can imagine. I found this site and have not turned back. The people here are very understanding because they know what it is like to be alone with this dreadful alcoholism. Keep posting and you will gain so much. Bella xxx

[betty boop]

New Here

Hi Loved1, a huge welcome ....

YOu have certainly found the right place, we are all here for you love, I'm pretty much the same as you, people think that I have the perfect life ....

I set myself goals of never drinking alone and never before 7pm, and this year I havent been drunk once ...

Never had bruises that I can't remember getting is the biggy for me ....

All the best, take care,

Love Betty xxx

[lushy]

New Here

Welcome Loved1,

Yep, your story sounds very familiar. Being a stay at home mom with too much time alone on our hands along with a propensity for drinking can be a bad combination. As suggested above read the book, try the supps and the CDs and see how they work for you. I personally love the Kudzu found on this site. Really can help with the cravings.

We are glad to have you here!:welcome:

[weemelonhead]

New Here

Hi Loved...and a big welcome to my way out....
Like you, I can't really do AA......and I figured that if I felt uncomfortable there, it wasn't going to encourage me to go to the meetings which is a big part of their program to stay sober.
AA does work for some, not others....and as we are all different, you just need to 'find the one that fits' as Determinator says.
You may well be able to moderate your drinking, use the info here and the herbs and supps and see if it is an option.....there are many here that succesfully moderate...our own dear RJ for one....for some of us it isn't an option, but only you can truly decide for yourself how your approach to drinking will best work for you and your family.

Stick around dear...I used to think that stopping drinking completely would NEVER, NEVER be an option for me (I cannot moderate, and so always just carried on blacking out most nights a week) but joined this site 5 months and 13 days ago and, with the WONDERFUL and non judgmental support of the folk here, and the great advice about pills and potions to make my little trip easier, have been completely sober ever since, and wots more.....
I AM LOVING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a good, good place....read all the gumf, and pick out wot you feel would best work for you, and then ask questions about anything you need to.....some dearheart will ALWAYS answer
Good to meet you Loved1...
Weemelon

[cassy]

New Here

Hi melon..can i ask as i,ve never read the book is RJ a moderator or an abstainer....was she wildly out of control by her definition too pre this change programme?

i must by the book sometime...Regards Cassy

[julie001]

New Here

Hi Loved1,

Welcome. My story sounds a lot like yours. In the past few years since remarrying, my hubby and I started staying home all the time. No blowing off steam on the weekends as I did for years. Somewhere in there, I started drinking wine. Ended up with a serious problem--a bottle of wine (alone) at night probably five times a week. Of course, hubby had a serious issue with this. I started counseling. Hubby may join me later. BUT the very best thing I did for myself was join this program. I take the supps (minus topamax), I use the drinktracker, I log on here every day (which is the best motivation possible). My number one priority is to not drink at home alone. It's been over a week since I've had a drink at home. That may not seem like a lot to some, but to me it was a HUGE accomplishment. I'm going to give it my very best shot to meet that goal again next week. I don't think that I could have reached this point of change without the hellp of the MYO community.

Another big help for me is getting out and socializing with my husband and our friends. We were complete hermits since marrying and just lately started reconnecting with friends. Having a night out on the weekend, sometimes even two, really helped me to tone down my drinking at home. I've even been able to grab lunch with my best girlfriend (to eat, not drink). It's nice to have something to look forward to outside of the house and away from our kids (as much as we love them). So make some plans with the hubby and friends at least once a week. Or go out with girlfriends for a nice meal and a couple of glasses of wine. It's hard to find time for yourself outside of the house, but squeeze it in. It really helps to be around other grown ups, especially your friends.

Keep logging on here. You get great support and advice. Look forward to hearing from you again. You can do this!

Julie

[Arial]

New Here

Welcome!

Welcome Loved1 - absolutely the place to be if looking for friendship, support, encouragement, and ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, shared experiences, etc. etc.!

I haven't needed to look beyond the support of the wonderful people here to cut out drink altogether - but having said that I haven't ever made a conscious final decision not to drink again - that's a very big, very final thought when you first start out, so I wouldn't even think about 'for ever'! Do what you have to for now to reeducate yourself, created new patterns and habits in your lifestyle and take it a day at a time - the 30 days AF recommended is a good idea to start as it gives you space and time to start getting a handle on things. After that, see what you want. I found that I enjoyed not drinking so much, escaping from all the negatives that we're so familiar with, finding energy and enjoyment in life, participating in life rather than observing through darkened glasses nursing yet another hangover, etc. that whether to moderate or abstain hasn't become a big issue - I just don't want to drink anymore. There have certainly been days that I could murder for a drink, but coming here and chatting/venting can help get you through the hurdles.

So as people have already said, keep an open mind and try whatever's available or you think will work for you. Just keep the determination and goals in sight and you'll get there! So again, a warm welcome and look forward to seeing you around! :welcome:

[Loved1]

New Here

Thanks to everyone for their warm welcomes!!
I have started to read a book called "The Miracle Method" has anyone read it? It seems like another in a long line I have read that debunks the myths of AA.

[chilli]

New Here

Welcome Loved1
I am new to this site to but have found it really got to be able to talk to people without judgement . I am a single mum with 2 wonderful kids and a really bad ex. The kids go with him every second weekend and those are the worst for me i get so lonely.
I think i will be on here all those weekends now.seems to help

[AMELIA]

New Here

Welcome Loved1,

Thank you for your post.
I went to a few AA meetings years ago and found them to be a little depressing too. From reading many books since, my main issue with it is that AA doesn't seem to deal with the physical problems we may encounter when withdrawing from alcohol. Added to that, my 'sponsor' would meet me reeking of booze plus I just couldn't face doing some of the twelve steps so AA just didn't get my vote. I have also read somewhere that they only have a 12% success rate??
However, I am a true believer in 'different courses for different horses' so if AA works for someone else, then that is great for them.
AA aside, welcome to the site. I hope the programme and the support that you will find here help you with your drinking moderation.
Amelia

[Lotus]

New Here

You have been honest with yourself, so give yourself credit for that. When I read through your post I could see my own drinking habits and how they started. It was the occasional drink, then become every night and then earlier and earlier during the day.

Here you will not be dictated that you can never drink again. You decide your goals and what you want to achieve and together we will help each other along the way. On good days and bad. I not too sure on any supps and I'm doing it without, but many here try to abstain for 30 days and then try to moderate.

Keep reading and posting. All the best. Love mandy x

[louise]

New Here

Welcome Loved1,

Yes, what is good here is you get to set your own goals. Years ago I got worried about my drinking and referred myself for help. It came in 1 size and AA was a mandatory part of it. I actually found 1 all women's group I loved! When my treatment was over, neither my husband or I was totally convinced I was an alcoholic and so I went back to trying to moderate - and I sadly gave up that group because I didn't think I could go there and tell them I planned to drink sometimes. I wish I could have, they were a wonderful group! And so is this, we just meet online and don't think there is an arbitrary cut off of who can have 1 and who can't.