I really escalated my drinking in the year 2000 when I was promoted to department chair & had more responsibilities. I am an overachiever & the only way I seemed to be able to relax was w/alcohol. A few years later, a crisis in my marriage helped to step up my drinking.
I've never shared my problem w/anyone. I'm a secret drinker, but I'm sure my closest friends & family have their suspicions. At this point, I do not want to come clean w/anyone except the folks here at MWO. This site means the world to me.
I've been here since April & have had many ups & downs. Even though I've slipped multiple times, I haven't felt this much hope in a long time. I restrict my drinking to white wine, but once I open a 1.5 liter bottle, I usually drink the whole thing. My goal is abstinence.
My drinking is usually triggered by a fleeting thought. I've had very limited success w/trying to turn my mind to other things or procrastinating going to liquor store. However, there are times when I just give in.
My triggers:
-My husband being out of the house.
-An unstructured day or evening.
-Mindless chores which I "think" will be more enjoyable if I'm high.
-Fatigue.
-Others I can't remember right now.
Thank you so much for being there. Love, Mary
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