My Story

[retteacher]

I am a 62 year old woman who has been drinking alcoholically for 5 - 7 years. I retired from teaching in June 2005.

I really escalated my drinking in the year 2000 when I was promoted to department chair & had more responsibilities. I am an overachiever & the only way I seemed to be able to relax was w/alcohol. A few years later, a crisis in my marriage helped to step up my drinking.

I've never shared my problem w/anyone. I'm a secret drinker, but I'm sure my closest friends & family have their suspicions. At this point, I do not want to come clean w/anyone except the folks here at MWO. This site means the world to me.

I've been here since April & have had many ups & downs. Even though I've slipped multiple times, I haven't felt this much hope in a long time. I restrict my drinking to white wine, but once I open a 1.5 liter bottle, I usually drink the whole thing. My goal is abstinence.

My drinking is usually triggered by a fleeting thought. I've had very limited success w/trying to turn my mind to other things or procrastinating going to liquor store. However, there are times when I just give in.

My triggers:
-My husband being out of the house.
-An unstructured day or evening.
-Mindless chores which I "think" will be more enjoyable if I'm high.
-Fatigue.
-Others I can't remember right now.

Thank you so much for being there. Love, Mary

[weemelonhead]

My Story

Hi Mary....:h
Just being here is a GREAT start dear....Hope, seems to lend the mental resolve strength, and I pray that you will find enough using the good advice and support here, to live your life in a way that makes you feel happy and healthy.

I'm so glad that you feel comfortable enough to share your thoughts and feelings with the wonderful folk here...aren't they just the biz????

Stay well love,
Weemelon xxx

[psychmommy]

My Story

Hi Mary,

I don't often post, but I enjoy reading your posts as I can often relate to your struggles. I have been drinking on and off most of my life, with the last 4 years being completely out of control. I too am an overachiever, and have been struggling with so many responsibilities. . . Two young kids, a demanding husband, and trying to finish a challenging and competitive doctorate program. . . The only way I could find to relax was the wine. I used to work a part-time job too, but quit due to the stress. Unfortunately, that just gave me more time to drink.

I have been on this board since October, and although I have not achieved my goal of control over drinking, I have made progress and I'm determined to get a hold of this thing. I also have the trigger of unstructured days and deciding chores would be much more fun with a buzz (they suck either way). I too keep everything a secret, but I'm sure no one in my family would be surprised if I told them I had a drinking problem.

Just wanted you to know you're not alone and I enjoy your posts. Hang in there!

[SKendall]

My Story

Hi retteacher. I can totally relate to the Husband out of the house drinking - really letting go, and the unstructured time, they have been triggers for me also.

This a a wonderful caring site where you will receive much support.:h

[Guest]

My Story

Hi retteacher,
I really enjoy reading your posts and understand your struggle. Am weaning myself down from a nightly btl of wine, so my 1st AF day should be this coming Thursday, then I hope to do the initial recommended 30 day abs, and hopefully exceed the 30 days-who knows?

Your history of being an over-achiever has made me wonder, as I am an under-achiever(University drop-out-long time ago)-am 42 yr old female. Perhaps the trials of under/over-achieving are a trigger for seeking some kind of solace/respite in the bottle?

Starlight Impress

[paula]

My Story

I Retteacher, I too have responsible job, and would be horrified if my colleagues found
out about my drinking problem. I have only shared my secret with a friend ( who i met at an AA meeting,) and my husband and immediate family. My triggers are very similar to yours. Since i found mwo,i have managed not to drink for 3 months now, and feel so good
about it now. It took me quite a while in the beginning,but once i started to follow the programme i have not looked back.
Best of luck to you. If i can do it anybody can. My problem drinking has been with me for
much longer than 7 years. I feel that this site has been an answer to my prayers
Love Paula.

[louise]

My Story

Your honesty in your posts and drink tracker is great. What is it about mindless chores? For me it is also if I have to do school work (I also work in education) like writing reports at home. I decide I deserve to have a drink since I have to work at home. I won't have that excuse for a while as vacation is starting soon. You give me hope. Sometimes I think, "Why bother, I'm too old to change." Other times I know there is still much to live for, especially if I can get back in shape to enjoy outdoor things. One suggestion - don't buy the 1.5 liter bottle. Although I do sometimes open that second bottle and end up drinking more, I usually can stop at one bottle because I have to be more conscious of finding the corkscrew, etc. I often am surprised the bottle is gone and that is a nudge to quit. With 1.5 liter bottles, I just keep going. I wish they made more 1/2 bottles.

[retteacher]

My Story

Thank you all so much for your responses. I can't tell you what it means to me to have your support. I just came in from an evening out & came right to the computer to see MWO. I just want you all to know how grateful I am.

[toughintexas]

My Story

I too appreciate your post, and I think its a VERY common thread, I'm an over-achiever, that quit to stay home.....funny huh.....stressed out at work and drink, but its worse at HOME....home alone, mindless chores instead of goals with personal rewards and kudos????!!!!!.....Also, HORMONES....as a pharmacy owner, and certified in bio-identical hormone replacement therapy, and adrenal fatigue, I know that triggers the self-esteem, and self-CONTROL....I too am a "wino"....lol....since starting the program, I've done a week AF, but all during times I shouldn't have even tried really, and I did moderate really well for like 3 weeks, but had at least 4 big falls all in betw.....felt/feel horrible about it, and the last one was just Weds., but you have to stay on this site, chat, and feel the love all the time, and realize we are all alike, and we gotta get a grip, and we can do this together! Funny how we are all soooo much alike!

[redrobin]

My Story

Dear Mary,

A bit late, but just wanted to pop on quickly to say well done so far. I've watched your posts and empathised with your struggles...

I only hit the site intermittently these days mainly because I'm really busy with work but also because this wonderful program has done its job - so far (fingers, toes and eyes crossed!!!!!!) So stick with it Mary. It does work. And this site helps enormously - but you know that already.

Best of best wishes,

Robin
xx

[kpuk]

My Story

Hi Mary

I used to have a good job I enjoyed but had to give up because childcare costs of putting 3 kids in nursery cost more than me working.

I can really empathise with your triggers:
- my husband works long hours and I am frequently alone
- I find household tasks so boring I need a little "something" to get me though
- I have an unstructured day with 3 very demanding children and when they stress me out I just think "open a bottle of wine"!!

I feel like an intelligent woman trapped in a life of domesticity with a husband that has a seperate life. We struggled for kids initially, went though ivf and had a daughter. That was enough for me but my husband pressured me into trying again "naturally" and lo and behold the Lord gave us twins! Bang goes my life, up goes my alcohol intake. I can just relate to you on the secret drinker, husband out of house, mindless chore level.

I wish you all the best. I'm going to try moderation and please let me know how you are going on. I hope you don't find this a bit of a "downer" post, i just wanted to let you know that I can understand how you are feeling.

The folk at MWO are fab! I have the utmost respect for them as I've been a lurker for a good while but now I'm going to be a poster and hope I can get better with the help of the program.

[ducky]

My Story

Kpuk,

Welcome! I am glad you are posting instead of just lurking. We all start out as lurkers. I can identify with your feelings. I stayed at home for the last 8 years to raise a stepchild who needed lots of attention. Now he is on his own and I am not sure what to do. I am a little bored, which makes the drinking worse, but not quite ready to go back and living in an area where my skills are not likely to procure me a decent paying job. It's much easier to have wine or cocktails that figure out what I want to do...And I know how hard it can be with a traveling spouse.

Keep logging on and posting. I am sure you will find lots of support here, and suggestions from moms with little ones too.

[bootcampbarbie]

My Story

i am so moved and inspired by you, mary and all the rest of you. i love your posts. i read your story and related to each and every morsel of it. i especially relate to really reaching for a glass for just about any reason at all. and then wow, it's gone. and that you are an over achiever. i imagine that is a thread. i just appreciate you very much. i'm happy you are here. and i work at home quite a bit these days and i would say unplanned, idle time is not a good place for me. so i think i'm signing up for an art class this saturday.

[Popeye]

My Story

Hello retteacher,
Thank you for your story.
I hope you find what you need.

[retteacher]

My Story

Again thank you all so much. I think that being the "good person" wears on me somewhat & alcohol is something I indulge myself with...my special reward. Now that I'm retired from teaching, I try to be all things to all people: great meals for hubby, immaculate home, babysitting for grandkids, faithful friend, devoted daughter, etc. etc. When I take a break from all that codependence, I use alcohol. I feel that I deserve it. I want to reward myself in other less destructive ways. MWO is giving me the tools to do that. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mary