.......and I am almost halfway through!
As I come up to almost a year of not drinking, I am reflecting on what brought me to this place. Some of you know bits and parts of my story ? but here goes.
I was brought up in a family that drank, easily and often ? my father spent a lot of his free time making wine and beer, and it was always around. I am not sure if my parents have drinking problems, but they are definitely heavy drinkers. I would drink with them starting at a young age, as is done in many European countries. I had continued to drink thru all my adult life.
I am not sure when I realized I had a problem ? I have not hit rock bottom as many others have, sometimes I wished I would so it would make me stop ? but seeing others stories I know how lucky I have been. I decided to cut back ? had all sorts of plans?wouldn't drink during the week; before 5pm; every other day etc. etc. I did stop drinking spirits about 10 years ago and decided if I could do that I did not have a problem. I moved to 1 ? 2 bottles of wine daily, and sometimes beer. I still managed to realize that was too much, then there were the days when I would wake and ask what I had done the night before, if I had said things I shouldn't. I would fall asleep in the evening, on the couch. I would wake in the morning feeling terrible. I had a couple little accidents ? chipped a tooth, had a pretty big but superficial injury to my leg etc. lots of ?little? stuff which all together was big stuff.
I had two girls, a good job and was married. My marriage was failing, and we were in financial trouble. I eventually realized that I had to leave my marriage, lose my house and make a new life for my two daughters and myself before we were homeless and without everything.
In fall 2010 I left my husband of 17 years and my home went up for short sell. This felt like the bottom, but it was a start. I would walk around my new ?home? (a rental for the first time in 30 years that I was not a home owner) drinking and alternating between crying and being angry. I would cry when the girls were with their dad and drink to make it go away. I would celebrate when they were with me, and drink again. I realized I needed to slow down, and started to look to being a social drinker. I signed up for Moder8 and hoped that that magic tablet would work. Same as diet pills ? why did I think they would work when I wasn?t prepared to stop what was causing all this? I no longer could stop drinking and my life revolved around drinking. I still did not drink spirits, but when I found them I would drink straight from the bottle. I had all sorts of ways to drink more and more wine, and did everything to make sure I could drink. I was drinking vanilla for the cooking cupboard (I was so relieved when the presenter on one bubble podcast admitted to doing this too!!). My husband did eventually become homeless and I was able to have my girls? full time.
I found MWO in spring 2011, signed on immediately and gave it a go. I bought the supplements and book ? felt that if I spent money I would make it work (I am Scottish after all!). I stopped and started many, many times. I left MWO when I got me feelings hurt - when someone did not reply to my post; when someone told me what I really needed to (but did not want to) hear; when I felt that I didn't have a problem but all of you did ? I could always find someone who was worse than me, so I wasn't that bad was I? Somehow I kept trying ? and for some reason the last time worked. Starting in Sept 2013 I seemed to realize that I really needed to do this. I drank on 24 occasions and never to excess from Sept to Feb 21st 2014 ? and that was the last. I am now over 6 months.
I am content. I am relieved. I am still not ready to say never ? so chose to keep on going one day at a time. I know who and what I am, but I am handling it the way it works for me. I have girls who do not realize the extent of my problem, but are proud that I don?t drink. One is 13 the other nearly 16, and I can speak to them about drinking. I hope they can be responsible drinkers as a glass of wine at the right time, with the right people, in the right place is indeed a treat. One I can no longer have.
In 5 years I have rebuilt my life, become healthier both in my diet and not drinking; I am financially secure and have a plan to be able to retire one day. I should be able to buy a house next year. My girls live with me full time. I still have my job. I have more to do, and I now know I can do it ?.BECAUSE I DON?T DRINK.
MWO gave me people travelling the same road and succeeding, they showed me that people with drinking problems were not the down and out on the streets, but real people just like me; they showed me that no matter what I had done, however terrible, someone else had done the same. I have made friends ? some feel like lifelong friends (my daughters think I have a group of pen pals!). I have learnt humility, acceptance, pride, putting myself first in order to succeed, that falling does not mean failing?..i have learnt that I can do this ? and so much more. I have my life back and I am so thankful. I am still rebuilding. My girls and I still have healing to do. I still need to work on my self-esteem and not have to go to a world of alcohol to make things better ? they aren't!
I keep adding to this, but it is long enough as it is?.thank you for helping me ? so many here have played a part. I cannot do what so many here do?I will post daily, but often short and sweet. Lav, Bryd, NS, Mick, Pav and many more all give so much of themselves. I hope maybe my tale will help one person struggling to see that it can be done ? I took a long road, and I have no doubt those kind souls who tried hard gave up on me more than once ? the long road has worked for me?.and I sincerely hope that this will last an awful long time?.I do intend it to because I like this life!
As I come up to almost a year of not drinking, I am reflecting on what brought me to this place. Some of you know bits and parts of my story ? but here goes.
I was brought up in a family that drank, easily and often ? my father spent a lot of his free time making wine and beer, and it was always around. I am not sure if my parents have drinking problems, but they are definitely heavy drinkers. I would drink with them starting at a young age, as is done in many European countries. I had continued to drink thru all my adult life.
I am not sure when I realized I had a problem ? I have not hit rock bottom as many others have, sometimes I wished I would so it would make me stop ? but seeing others stories I know how lucky I have been. I decided to cut back ? had all sorts of plans?wouldn't drink during the week; before 5pm; every other day etc. etc. I did stop drinking spirits about 10 years ago and decided if I could do that I did not have a problem. I moved to 1 ? 2 bottles of wine daily, and sometimes beer. I still managed to realize that was too much, then there were the days when I would wake and ask what I had done the night before, if I had said things I shouldn't. I would fall asleep in the evening, on the couch. I would wake in the morning feeling terrible. I had a couple little accidents ? chipped a tooth, had a pretty big but superficial injury to my leg etc. lots of ?little? stuff which all together was big stuff.
I had two girls, a good job and was married. My marriage was failing, and we were in financial trouble. I eventually realized that I had to leave my marriage, lose my house and make a new life for my two daughters and myself before we were homeless and without everything.
In fall 2010 I left my husband of 17 years and my home went up for short sell. This felt like the bottom, but it was a start. I would walk around my new ?home? (a rental for the first time in 30 years that I was not a home owner) drinking and alternating between crying and being angry. I would cry when the girls were with their dad and drink to make it go away. I would celebrate when they were with me, and drink again. I realized I needed to slow down, and started to look to being a social drinker. I signed up for Moder8 and hoped that that magic tablet would work. Same as diet pills ? why did I think they would work when I wasn?t prepared to stop what was causing all this? I no longer could stop drinking and my life revolved around drinking. I still did not drink spirits, but when I found them I would drink straight from the bottle. I had all sorts of ways to drink more and more wine, and did everything to make sure I could drink. I was drinking vanilla for the cooking cupboard (I was so relieved when the presenter on one bubble podcast admitted to doing this too!!). My husband did eventually become homeless and I was able to have my girls? full time.
I found MWO in spring 2011, signed on immediately and gave it a go. I bought the supplements and book ? felt that if I spent money I would make it work (I am Scottish after all!). I stopped and started many, many times. I left MWO when I got me feelings hurt - when someone did not reply to my post; when someone told me what I really needed to (but did not want to) hear; when I felt that I didn't have a problem but all of you did ? I could always find someone who was worse than me, so I wasn't that bad was I? Somehow I kept trying ? and for some reason the last time worked. Starting in Sept 2013 I seemed to realize that I really needed to do this. I drank on 24 occasions and never to excess from Sept to Feb 21st 2014 ? and that was the last. I am now over 6 months.
I am content. I am relieved. I am still not ready to say never ? so chose to keep on going one day at a time. I know who and what I am, but I am handling it the way it works for me. I have girls who do not realize the extent of my problem, but are proud that I don?t drink. One is 13 the other nearly 16, and I can speak to them about drinking. I hope they can be responsible drinkers as a glass of wine at the right time, with the right people, in the right place is indeed a treat. One I can no longer have.
In 5 years I have rebuilt my life, become healthier both in my diet and not drinking; I am financially secure and have a plan to be able to retire one day. I should be able to buy a house next year. My girls live with me full time. I still have my job. I have more to do, and I now know I can do it ?.BECAUSE I DON?T DRINK.
MWO gave me people travelling the same road and succeeding, they showed me that people with drinking problems were not the down and out on the streets, but real people just like me; they showed me that no matter what I had done, however terrible, someone else had done the same. I have made friends ? some feel like lifelong friends (my daughters think I have a group of pen pals!). I have learnt humility, acceptance, pride, putting myself first in order to succeed, that falling does not mean failing?..i have learnt that I can do this ? and so much more. I have my life back and I am so thankful. I am still rebuilding. My girls and I still have healing to do. I still need to work on my self-esteem and not have to go to a world of alcohol to make things better ? they aren't!
I keep adding to this, but it is long enough as it is?.thank you for helping me ? so many here have played a part. I cannot do what so many here do?I will post daily, but often short and sweet. Lav, Bryd, NS, Mick, Pav and many more all give so much of themselves. I hope maybe my tale will help one person struggling to see that it can be done ? I took a long road, and I have no doubt those kind souls who tried hard gave up on me more than once ? the long road has worked for me?.and I sincerely hope that this will last an awful long time?.I do intend it to because I like this life!
!
Comment