Back again, wine drinking escaper

[hazeleyes]

I told my husband 3 times today I was serious about quitting and he made no comment. This is because he has heard it all before, a dozen or more times. So I will just have to find a way to make it stick this time. I have some alternative drinks on hand, I poured out the rest of the wine in the bottle, and I purchased some vitamins. I just have to find a way to keep busy from 4pm to 7pm every night... I do not want to be that other person anymore.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to share my thoughts on here. At least someone in the world cares. Thank you for reading...

[abcowboy]

hazel, good to see you back! You know what it takes to get this done, and if 4 - 7pm are the tough hours, then make/have dinner and get back here and read/post/read. We'll do all we can to get you through!

[Eloise]

You know... I have an idea Hazeleyes... How about having a good size snack around 3:30 and then go for a long walk or do your exercise routine?
Plan those 3 hours out and put yourself somewhere that it is trully impossible to drink during this time.

3:45- out of the house- walk, jog, movie gym, yoga class?
5:00 - 6 get onto this site with a big bottle of sparkling water and lemon FROM AN INTERNETcafe not home.
6-7 make dinner and eat again
By then you will be so full you will not be able to drink.
I ate A LOT the first few months and I still lost weight.
If you have a dog you are set- plan adventure walks during this time.

Crap, I should have thought if this when I was trying to quit. Instead I sat around thinking ' is it 8 yet?' About a thousand times the first 2 months. Then it got easier.
Keep us posted?

[Eloise]

Oh and dont eat junk food ( processed foods, sugars, carbs) eat colorful stuff filled with protein and vitamins.

Fruits and vegetable challenge: I used to be able to eat 500 grams of fresh strawberrie at a sitting without feeling sick

They say if your plate looks like a painting you are in track!

[hazeleyes]

Thanks cowboy and Eloise. Great to have your ideas and support.
I will give your plan a go Eloise, eat, walk, eat... Maybe even listen to music through headphones to stop that inner voice nagging at me.

I've decided wine is really just poison. I don't need to drink poison! What I need is a life purpose that gives me a reason to go on...

[hazeleyes]

Having made a good start, the issue of relapse is coming up for me. The idea that you but in the hard work to stay AL Free and then in 6 months or a year or whatever you relapse back to the same point, drinking just as you were, is a soul destroying thought.

Maybe I am looking for excuses to quit, but seeing this happening in the future, it is hard to accept this journey is worthwhile. On the other hand what are my choices. I don't want the life I had so I can only move forward in this one direction.

Alcohol certainly is a trap that is very very hard to escape from. I don't think I can win this battle with willpower as eventually my willpower will run out. So I am back to Acceptance. I need to accept life without AL in it. Just as I accept I will never try Hard Drugs. I need to learn to let go of this option, and embrace all the other things life has to offer.

[Byrdlady]

Hazel, this is a question we all ask ourselves. It gets discouraging sometimes when we undersatnd the statistics on relapse. But what I hold onto is that this is my life and my choice. I dont have to be
one of the ones who relapse because I control that. So far, 4 .5 years later, I am still going strong. I havent hit a situation yet that was even close. Nothing AL can offer is as good as what I already have. The choice is mine and Im staying AF. Byrdie

[hazeleyes]

Thank you byrdlady. 4 - 5 years is really amazing. Well done.
I hope to copy your example...

[hazeleyes]

So this is the end of day 5 for me AL Free. It's been 1.5 years approx since I last had a week without a bottle of wine every 2nd day, so I think it's an accomplishment. Wine was something I did to fill up my evenings and it's been a strange quit this time.

I have suffered from headaches a lot, feeling hungry, and sometimes short tempered, but I have not physically craved AL. I have thought about it, but every time it comes up I tell myself I don't want to be that person anymore.

I have read a lot of stories on here, and this helps me as well. I wish I could find more success stories that document the journey, but I am happy with those I've found.

Being grateful and accepting my life are the keys to moving forward for me, at this time.

[briseus]

How are you doing HazelEyes? Hanging in there, I hope? Great job on 5 days! The first week is definitely the trickiest, but the best part is that you got over the hardest part - day one.
Gratitude is definitely a BIG part of sobriety and recovery - so continue to do that.
You will definitely get headaches, feel hungry and irritable - I definitely did. When I quit for 8 months last year I definitely experienced all of that and more. I had headaches for a few months actually.
What other goals do you have that could tie in with staying sober - to reinforce your quit?
For example, for me at this time, I really want to get back in shape. When I quit last year, I lost 50lbs...then I gained 30 (because of AL) and so now my goal is to lose weight, be healthy, exercise, and stay away from the booze! So it sorta all ties in.

Just be gentle with yourself. That's important! You are on a rollercoaster ride.
You say you would like to read more success stories...have you read any books on sobriety/recovery at all? I think it's important to read lots of books on that.
Also, do you find yourself a spiritual person? I never did...but feel like out of nowhere for some reason it is helping me this time.

Anyways, I just wanted to write and check in with you - hope you are doing well, please check back in.
And again, like everyone else has suggested, the Nest is great! I don't post in there (at all) but read through almost everything. This site also helps so stick close. Hugs. :hug:

[frances]

I have thought about it, but every time it comes up I tell myself I don't want to be that person anymore.

Hi Hazeleyes - this is the key for me too! I really don't want to be that person any more. I drank a bottle of wine or more most nights. If it wasn't a bottle it was 3-4 glasses. Every day. I felt like crap most days and could never get my mind off of getting that first drink at the end of the day. I was truly a prisoner and it feels so great to have that behind me. I hope you keep this up, it is so worth it! Take back your life and put yourself in control!

[hazeleyes]

Hello briseus and Frances. Thank you both for posting your comments as I really appreciate it. I thought nobody was reading my thread so I gave up posting for a few days. Anyway, I am now half way through my 3rd week and it has been a struggle to stay sober, but so far so good.
I read an article stating "if you can't figure out how to relax without AL then you will eventually relapse." This was like a lighting bolt for me, because I use to work hard so I could relax with wine. I would watch the clock as I was busting my gut, counting down until 5 pm when I could open the wine. Now what do I do???
I lie on my bed looking at the ceiling, trying to figure out how to relax, and I have no idea what to do. Mostly now I read MWO, or watch TV on demand on my iPad, but the last two days this has felt pathetic to me. I would rather have a drink as my back is tired and I feel sore. Only my the grace of God am I still sober.
I will continue the fight, one day at a time...

[hazeleyes]

For anyone struggling with relapse prevention, here is a video, written by a highly qualified addition doctor on how to prepare for, and prevent relapse. I found it very helpful to understand what is happening to my mind after just 2.5 weeks in.

https://youtu.be/FmjjxdDwOI

[frances]

Hi Hazeleyes - I know I've seen many posts about things people do instead of wine to relax - exercise and meditation are two that come to mind. For me I replaced my daily wine with tea and before I knew it (probably about 3 months in) I found myself looking forward to that cup of tea to unwind with, and wine didn't even cross my mind. I remember being so surprised when that happened! Of course that was in winter and I'm not much of a hot tea drinker in hot summer, but by then it didn't matter as much - now I have my seltzer and I love it just as much. You could look around and see what you can find or even create your own thread to ask others to tell you what they do now to relax instead of AL.

[briseus]

I'm at work but had to post.
Hazel, I used to be a BIG wine drinker. I would always go to that bottle to help myself relax. I also have anxiety/panic disorder and OCD and the alcohol (or so I thought) would help me unwind after a particularly hideous day (who am I kidding, it was everyday). But I would wake up the next morning, hungover and....not relaxed yet again.
I agree with Frances, you can always start another thread and see what people might suggest? I also agree with her that my nightly wine was totally replaced with tea as well when I was 8 months sober! Go out there to a speciality tea shop and I say go crazy there!
Other things that relax me personally are journaling (cathartic) and bubble baths. They always help. As well as reading. Or it might sound silly but Pinterest does it for me too!

Have you possibly looked into any supplements at all? I have been researching like crazy about herbal supps such as Kava Kava, Valerian, Ashwagandha, Holy Basil, etc.
I hear that Kava Kava helps a lot of people relax and I recently purchased some from my health food store. Beware what brand you purchase if you look into Kava, it should only be the root, stems and leaves may lead to liver damage (but I look at it as like, ummm, I drank 1.5L of wine a night how bad can it be??).
Always best as well to talk to a pharmacist or your GP too before supping but that's entirely up to you. I am going to try Kava soon to see how it helps my stress and anxiety levels. Sometimes I want to jump out of my skin so I get it.
It may sound silly but even do a Google search of things that might help recovering alcoholics!

Good luck! Keep on plugging away. Like you said, a day at a time. You can totally do this! And congrats on your continued sobriety, Hazel. We are all rooting for you. :hug: