So frustrated and ashamed....

[NewLife!]

I'm 34 years old and have 3 DUI's, now I have to have the interlock device installed in my vehicle...SOOO EMBARRASSING! I'm single, and can now imagine I will be for the next 3 years...who wants to date someone with the interlock in their car?! I do not even want to admit it! My father is an alcoholic, it runs in my family. My mom's brother is also an alcoholic, so I get it from both sides! :-( I am so jealous of my older sister who does not suffer...I should be so grateful, I have the most loving and supportive family, who has never turned their backs or judged me, in fact, they all have helped me through my DUI's and all the problems they have caused me with compassion and love. I am a functioning alcoholic, with great career accomplishments. Alcohol is what I turn to in times of stress, loneliness, boredom, etc. I do not drink at work or miss work, although I often work with horrible hangovers. Something HAS to change now, because I can not drink at night and expect to start my car in the morning...I will fail the interlock test, not be able to drive, get kicked of the program and that cancels my license...UGGGH!!!! I recently moved out of state and know very few people, all of my family still lives back home. I also recently decided to go back to school, which is going great...I'm loving it! Alcoholism is so frustrating! I have great times that I don't drink and am fine with it, but I always seam to circle back. I have, I'm sure like all of us, ruined relationships and friendship, which is so disappointing...but for some reason, not enough to make me completely walk away from drinking. I do not want to be an alcoholic, I want to be able to be a social drinker...sometimes I rock it....sometimes I fail miserably :-( I'm not sure what I am looking for, but I am happy to have found this site to connect with others that struggle as I do. I absolutely HATE AA...attending those meetings only makes me want to drink more! I appreciate everyone's support, and will always be available to anyone seeking support!

[Ginger999]

NewLife!, Thank you for sharing you story. Have you checked out the Newbie's Nest yet? Take a look over there. You'll find a great group of people that are in various stages of their quits. There is also a moderators thread but I strongly discourage people like us from trying to moderate. It just seems like before they know it they are back to drinking more than they would like. We just aren't "normal" drinkers and abstaining is really our best option. I thought I'd miss the drinking and everything that revolved around it but I don't at all now that I have some time racked up. It will be a year for me next month. You will need a plan in place for triggers that pop up. In my signature line, you'll find both the link to Newbie's Nest and to the Toolbox. The toolbox is full of helpful ideas to get you through the tough times. Take a little time and check it out. Glad you are here. Stay close and read, post, read.

[available]

Hi newlife and welcome. I can say that i dont want to be an alcoholic either but i am. I accept who i am now, its part of me, it will never ever go away. I live with being sober and i am happy. i am off the merry-go-round that you talk about and its taken pure grit and determination and support from here and my children. Alcoholics can never ever be social drinkers. Oh we try, we are dedicated to moderating, we are like a dog with a bone in trying to be social but we all fail dismally. To accept i can never drink again is what i had to do and that was after numerous attempts to moderate. I had to learn to listen and accept who i am, to leave my ego at the door and accept help, to reach out if i needed to and to live one day at a time. my brother died from alcoholism and i was headed up the path that he went.

like you, i only drank after work and weekends (to celebrate now working), wine time was always 5.15 till pass out and to hit the repeat button in every day ending in a Y. I didnt hit a rock bottom but i hit bottom.

If we take alcohol out of everything you wrote then there is no problem, ever again. Sure there is the normal day to day problems of stress, work etc but the more sober time you gain the easier it gets.

head to the Newbies Nest NL and say hello. Lots of different people in stages of keeping sober and a wealth of information. If you decided to get al out of your life it will be the best one you have made.

[Guitarista]

Hi New life and welcome. Love your name.

Here's a link to our toolbox. Some useful reading in there. Good to see you here. G

https://www.mywayout.org/community/showthread.php?24253-Tool-box

[NewLife!]

Thank you so much for your support!!!

[Byrdlady]

You can do this! We can help! See you in the nest! Byrdie

[NewLife!]

I am crying reading these responses, I am scared! Thank you for reaching out, thank you for caring!

[NewLife!]

Thank you!!!

[available]

Scared is okay, determined is better!

[jane27]

You're in good company NewLife! We're glad your here & want you to succeed!

[Eloise]

NewLife, you CAN do this! This site has a wealth of knowledge and openminded members willing to share their experiences.
Every time I distanced myself from here I slowed went back to drinking.
I know I keep repeating myself, but google The Hour and start listening to their podcasts?
There are so many great tricks and insights here to help you stay away from drinking. And, really... it is just a matter of getting enough AF days under your belt to start to realise how possible not drinking is. There are lots of people who simply do not drink, now you are one of them. Me too. Welcome to our non-drinking club Newlife.