So Here Goes.....

[thought2much]

:new:

I drink too much and my freinds drink too much.... well at least they drink too much when they have me as company. Apparently they dont drink much when I am not around....

Right now I have a big graze on my forehead, an injury sustained on Friday night. I am lucky I didnt do further injuries on my Sat or Sunday night bender. At least this time I didnt fracture my neck like I did 5 years ago when I fell down a stair case totally blind.

I have had a binge drinking problem since I was 14. I am now 35 years old and am still drinking myself into a stupor weekly and I still have no way of stopping myself making an ass of myself.

God knows how I havent lost my wife or job before now....

The last few months have been particularly challenging....

I am no longer sure I am married to the right girl.

A new girl has come into my life. I work with her and so spend a lot of sober time with her. We both know that our hidden intentions are not to be friends, but to this point I have been resisting the urge to do what I want to do because I am married. That hasnt stopped me spending an awful lot of time with this girl and sending e-mails back and forth all day.

To deal with my uncertainty I have cranked up the drinking.

This has seen the end of a few friendships in the past month.... Hopefully I can patch these freindships up once I clean myself up. In the mean time they have had enough of me getting sooo drunk and then talking about the same boring topic for hour after hour until I pass out on their flloor. I dont remember what I say most of the time.

I am sure if I dont stop drinking I can also say goodbye to my marriage and this new girl will also be well out of my life..... Neither of the 2 women in my life drink much (thank goodness)

Up to this point I have been careful not to let the girl I work with know about how heavily I drink. She was privy to me on a bender just one night, but I was so in to her that I managed to slow down my drinking (a very rare feat) and walk her home to her place, before I headed back to the bar to finish myself off! I also try to play down the extent of my drinking to my employees and my manager at work. I just keep telling people I lok tired and washed out because I am working too hard.... this is half true so is accepted.

My wife is not so lucky. She has to deal with my hangovers, and even worse, me defending my actions and trying to make her feel guilty for how I am behaving.

She knows all about the girl I work with as I have a penchant for saying all sorts of harmful things to my wife when I am drunk.

My wife is the kindest person on earth and deserves so much more than she has been receiving from me for the past year particularly, but really for the past 10 years since we first met.

I need to stop drinking right now so I can make some good decisions about my life going forward.

I need help to stop drinking today. I tried to get help from my friends last night and they just poured me another glass of bourbon and laughed at me. I drank that drink and then poured the next one for them. 4.00am came around really fast!

Last night was my third bender in three nights. I feel exhausted, and ill. My body has bruises all over from me stumbling into walls and furniture.

I am confused and depressed. I need to sort everything out starting with the drinking!!!! It must stop!!!!

Whew..... sorry for dumping all that

[satori]

So Here Goes.....

Hey thought,

First off welcome aboard - you have come to the right place if you want help with alcohol addiction - the folks here are amazing - they have given me my life back!

Second - sorry for delay in reply - but you are a bit ahead of us brits timewise!

Yep - alcohol does nothing to make our lives any less complicated!!

I can not really give any advice on your lady friend situation - but I would say that you need to try to get alcohol out of the equation in order to be able to make the right decisions.

I guess in order to at least attempt to help - there are a few things you need to consider here.

a) there is nothing so attractive to a married man as another woman showing an interest! Especially after 10 years or more of marriage.
(I am sure it is same for the married ladies too when the tennis coach shows an interest or whatever!!)

b) Would this new lady be so interested if she knew the "real" you?

c) Would the new lady stick by you for years, dealing with the inevitable train wrecks that go with our alcohol problems?
Your wife is still there, caring about you enough to put up with all the sh*t that comes with our alcohol problems.

I know that Mrs Satori deserved better than I was able to give in the last few years, but I only REALLY realised that AFTER I had made the decision to be sober.

While I was drinking, I wasn't thinking or really caring about anything else.
I was caring too much about where and when the next drink was coming from to be giving my wife and my sons the attention they deserved and needed.
Since joining MWO my life is transformed - I spend a lot of time with my wife and kids - making up for lost time I suppose - I now regret GREATLY the time that I have lost with them due to alcohol - I cant get that time back!!!

My only advice - do not jump into a relationship with someone new until you have successfully moderated or abstained long enough to make the right decision. Believe me - the world will look a WHOLE lot different (for the better!) without the alcohol!

Good luck - take care of yourself (and your loved ones)

Satori

xxx

[betty boop]

So Here Goes.....

Hi thought & Welcome ......

What an honest post......

I can only add to satori by saying that you need to get the alcohol out of the equation, your wife obviously loves you very much.

You have made a step in the right direction by joining here.

Sending hugs to you.

BB xx

[goingsobermum]

So Here Goes.....

Its good to have you here, I hope you manage to use the help and support to help you turn your life back round again.

[AAthlete]

So Here Goes.....

I agree with others in that you need to remove the alcohol and look at the situation objectively. Not only is it nice to have interest from another women after 10 years of marriage, it can also be a simple escape from the life that you are living.

Being with another women is a way to temporarily focus on something else - something that makes you feel damn good for awhile anyway. Instead of your mind concentrating on how rotten you feel, when you can have that next drink, etc., you've got a lover to look forward to being with!

But it's just an illusion - a mask for the pain that you are feeling. When that mask wears off, you'll may feel even worse because of what you've done to your wife who has been with you this whole time, and drink even more to try and get rid of the pain.

I don't mean to sound negative, but unfortunately drinking and infidelity are all too easy bed partners (pun intended). You've got a chance to get yourself pointed in the right direction, and you've taken the first step by posting a very honest story here (I thank you for that). Now, you just need to keep taking those next steps.

[DidItForMe]

So Here Goes.....

Thought2Much:
It sounds like you are really ready to make a change and I congratulate you on that decision. Good job on making that first post, it could not have been easy. You said you spend a lot of sober time with the new lady. Doesn't your wife of 10 years deserve that too before you make any big changes with this new lady friend? Please get alcohol out of the picture before you decide anything about your marriage. read the MWO book and get some sober time in with your wife. Don't make any rash decisions yet. I wish you all the best in the face of your obviously tough spot. Hang in there!!!!

[nancy]

So Here Goes.....

It sounds like a lot of things are going on at the same time.

One thing I wonder about: is part of your attraction for this other woman related to the fact that she doesn't know the bad side of you the way your wife does.

I imagine it might be nice to fantasize about starting fresh, with no horrible history. but as you pointed out, the problem would likely surface with this new woman as well.

have you tried marriage counselling? it probably is hard to tease out the relationship issues from the alcohol background. no doubt it would be easier to figure out what really is going on in your relationship if you were sober.

IT sounds like you are endangering yourself regularly , with all the severe injuries etc. what do you think might help you to stop?

[louise]

So Here Goes.....

Welcome Thought, I hope you are able to get the book and supplements right away and get started. It sounds like you are drinking at a dangerous level and your friends are not being a help at all. There is lots of information here as well as support. Read all of RJ's posts, the program updates and old threads. I wish you luck and agree that a clear head after several months of sobriety will make it easier to sort out the rest. Does this other woman know you are married? Some women love the challenge of someone unavailable. And it is good to remember that our problems tend to follow us.

[thought2much]

So Here Goes.....

Thanks for all the messages.

I kn

[thought2much]

So Here Goes.....

Thanks for all the messages. What you all say is good advice, advice that i have already given to myself. It is nice to hear it from others though.

Yes, the girl from work knows I am married. She respects that. We just seem to be drawn to eachother for no good reason. Sure she is attractive, intelligent, funny, caring etc etc but so is my wife. She has many similarities to my wife actually..... which is comforting.

I do spend alot of sober time with my wife. My problem is severe binge drinking. I sometimes go two weeks before writing myself off again. The problem is once I start I cant stop.... I just keep going until everything is empty or I pass out.

I am worried about one day doing some permanent injury to myself.

I am worried about how much I am hurting my wife. My wife loves me and wants me to love her forever. I am still to learn if I can love her the same way..... I guess my wife's feelings about everything will change if I keep going the way I have for the past months... .

I know my friend from work needs to get on with her own life. I have nothing of substance to offer her at this time.

I will be out of town for work for the next 4 days. Maybe being away from everyone will bring some courage.

I am determined not to drink while I am away. I have made a promise to my wife and to myself.

Thanks All