Detox

[Mulburry]

So at the continued urging of my GP, I'm going to try the (outpatient) detox route, starting on Monday. I'm pretty terrified (especially since a benzo taper over only 5 days seems extremely fast) but I have to give it a shot I guess. Will keep y'all posted on how it goes.

[JackieClaire]

Re: Detox

So at the continued urging of my GP, I'm going to try the (outpatient) detox route, starting on Monday. I'm pretty terrified (especially since a benzo taper over only 5 days seems extremely fast) but I have to give it a shot I guess. Will keep y'all posted on how it goes.

I did a home de-tox with diazepam...........it was about 5 days could have been 6. I'll not lie but the first couple of days are tough. But stick to it........I did and here I am 12 years later and still sober.

Please do keep us posted.

[Mulburry]

Re: Detox

Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm curious, if you don't mind me asking, were you an all day drinker or just evening (and how much and for how long) ?

I think the whole thing will be tough (I'm not totally sure if I'll make it through it) but in some ways I'm almost more worried about the tail end of it and coming off the benzos. Will keep y'all posted.

[JackieClaire]

Re: Detox

Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm curious, if you don't mind me asking, were you an all day drinker or just evening (and how much and for how long) ?

Ask away. As soon as my husband had left the house for work I drink a couple of shots of vodka to stop the shakes. Then I could work my way through at least a couple of bottles of wine..............I've actually got up in the middle of the night and knocked back a couple to get back to sleep.

I think the whole thing will be tough (I'm not totally sure if I'll make it through it) but in some ways I'm almost more worried about the tail end of it and coming off the benzos. Will keep y'all posted.

Now listen you will get through this. Have faith in yourself. Ask your GP to be referred to an alcohol counselor. I'll not lie to you but the first couple of days are hard. I never left my bed apart from going to the bathroom. By day three I started to feel human, by day four I was hungry and although I'd been through many de-toxes my GP had read about MWO in the Guardian the weekend before and told me to use it. So I made my first post. 30 thousand plus posts later I'm still here.
Please don't belittle yourself ........... Just because the media show us as people who drink and live on the streets................we are normal everyday people with an illness called alcoholism. I'll be honest and say I find alcoholics some of the kindest, funniest and giving people I know.

[Mulburry]

Re: Detox

Ask away. As soon as my husband had left the house for work I drink a couple of shots of vodka to stop the shakes. Then I could work my way through at least a couple of bottles of wine..............I've actually got up in the middle of the night and knocked back a couple to get back to sleep.



Now listen you will get through this. Have faith in yourself. Ask your GP to be referred to an alcohol counselor. I'll not lie to you but the first couple of days are hard. I never left my bed apart from going to the bathroom. By day three I started to feel human, by day four I was hungry and although I'd been through many de-toxes my GP had read about MWO in the Guardian the weekend before and told me to use it. So I made my first post. 30 thousand plus posts later I'm still here.
Please don't belittle yourself ........... Just because the media show us as people who drink and live on the streets................we are normal everyday people with an illness called alcoholism. I'll be honest and say I find alcoholics some of the kindest, funniest and giving people I know.

Thanks for sharing.

Just an update: it's been an absolutely crazy week (bad news over bad news) and in the end I had to postpone the detox due to a close contact coming down with covid (he even had to be hospitalized despite being vaccinated, which is scary). So now I'm basically waiting, monitoring for symptoms, I'll get a test too and if I'm all clear I'll try this again next week. I had been hoping for a quiet stress free week leading up to the detox and it's been the exact opposite, I guess that's just life. Even though it feels like the universe is doing everything it can to sabotage me, I'm trying to look at as a challenge that I have to meet (if I can't handle adversity like this I'll never be able to make it through this). I'm also glad that some of these things happened before the detox and not in the middle.

[Mulburry]

Re: Detox

Alright going to give this another try, starting tonight. Unfortunately I haven't been feeling great mentally the last few days (maybe a build up of stress or what not), but I can't just keep delaying this forever (ironically I was actually feeling pretty good when I thought I was going into this last week, before it got derailed).

[Mulburry]

Re: Detox

Been a bit of a weird start to this. I had thought to only take medication until much later in the evening or even until I started feeling any withdrawal symptoms (though the nurse did suggest to start in the early evening or even late afternoon- but they don't have a very good grasp of my situation). Ironically I came down with some really bad anxiety (something I've been dealing with a bit over the last few days - don't think it was withdrawal related though) a bit after the time I'd normally start drinking. So ended up taking one diazepam pill, and damn it works amazingly for that; heck I'm almost feeling a bit loopy now.

[Mulburry]

Re: Detox

Ugh, hit me pretty good this morning (as I suspected). Aside from the more physical symptoms (a bit of nausea, headache, feeling a bit like being sick) which haven't too too bad; shortly after waking there's this crazy ramp up where you feel like you've been injected with 5 espresso shots. It feels like you can't sit still but there's nothing you actually want to do, or even making a decision on what to do is difficult (thank god for nice weather, going for a walk is really the best thing when you're feeling like this). The DZ I popped this morning isn't helping much either. At least they're gonna stop by this afternoon, do a health check, and bring some more meds as well (which is a huge relief).

[Lavande]

Re: Detox

I hope you had your med visit this afternoon as planned Mulburry!
Detoxing on your own can be scary. Make sure you communicate your extreme anxiety situation to them so maybe. Your meds can be adjusted.

Be safe & stay on your plan to find success

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Detox

Thinking of you and wishing you strength. You can do this. We believe in you. The good news is this is the last time you will have to do this. Thank you for keeping us posted. Be safe. Be well. Byrdie

[Mulburry]

Re: Detox

Thanks for the kind words.

Update: A couple more diazepam's and a couple walks in the sun, and I'm feeling a lot better. The DZ's (in sufficient quantity) are actually pretty damn good at controlling (the worst) of the symptoms. I'm still a bit worried about potentially escalating symptoms over the coming days, and about what's gonna happen when I start coming of the meds... but just have to take it one day at a time and see what happens.

[wagmor]

Re: Detox

Mulberry - Gosh I can really relate to your detox experience. When I quit drinking in 2014 I was terrified about withdrawals. I knew how dangerous they were, and since I had been drinking enough to get the shakes after just a few hours with no alcohol, I was pretty sure I was going to have a very rough start to my quit. Benzos are very hard to withdraw from too so that's probably at least part of why the Dr is saying 5 days of them. I am SO glad you're getting medical guidance, even if they don't totally understand your situation. Please do check in here regularly, and know that a lot of us can relate to what you're going through. Sending you hugs and strength. :hug:

[Mulburry]

Re: Detox

Benzos are very hard to withdraw from too so that's probably at least part of why the Dr is saying 5 days of them. I am SO glad you're getting medical guidance, even if they don't totally understand your situation.

Ya I totally get that, I'm even worried about the effects of coming off the benzos even in this time frame while still having some mild/moderate alcohol withdrawal symptoms. But ya I just have to try to not worry about it and see what happens. And ya they have been very good so far, checking in every day, adjusting meds if needed etc. so that helps put one's mind at ease.

UPDATE:
A bit of a weird morning: started off almost exactly the same as yesterday morning (badly wired and the DZ not helping too much). Figured my blood pressure was pretty high so took a clonidine (hadn't taken one yet)... and that actually packs quite a punch as well. But it's a weird feeling, it's like this physical sedation but without the mental aspect (like the DZ's). So mentally still feeling a bit jittery/dysphoric, but also feeling kind of groggy/slow. Basically feeling extremely unmotivated (it took probably 15m just to right this, and felt like huge effort). Still better than the alternative I guess. Hopefully getting out for a walk in the sun helps.

Another pretty up and down day overall and probably my biggest test yet. The clon/DZ seemed to wear of very abrubtly around noon, and withdrawal symptoms set in again, though relatively manageable (especially when getting out for a walk in the sun). Big mistake was over-napping (more than an hour) which even normally often makes me feel kind of shitty, plus sleep always re-ignites withdrawal symptoms; long story short I was feeling extremely irritable, then managed to drop my pill container and lose a half DZ, spent almost half an hour searching for it with a flashlight to no avail and ended up with some extreme rage/depression (this shit really fucks with your emotions sometimes too). At that point had a pretty strong urge to get a bottle of whisky and take a big chug (funny thing is, before that I really hadn't had even the slightest urge to drink) but of course I didn't. Anyways two more half DZ's throughout the evening and I felt pretty ok. It's a little frustrating with the meds because when they have they're main effect you often feel pretty ok, but when the main effect wears off you feel shitty again, which creates this yoyo sort of effect, which becomes more of an issue the more you reduce them. These next few days with more reduction (heck I'm theoretically only supposed to take one tomorrow, but luckily I have a few extras now) and the shitty weather I think will be pretty tough.

[Mulburry]

Re: Detox

Haven't been on here much the last few days. Bottom line I'm still struggling (especially with the meds) but still AF. I have been keeping a detailed daily journal so here it is in case anyone's interested:


DAY 4:

Morning started rough as usual, took half a DZ (which I technically wasn't supposed to but fuck that) but still felt pretty irritable / jittery / anxious; blood pressure was still pretty high so took half a clonodine, and now feeling a bit better.

Overall the program has been pretty good but it's a little frustrating because you're often talking to different people (probably about 3 different people so far this week), like today the person was trying to tell me that my symptoms (or at least the anxiety) wasn't withdrawal related but just in my head (and it's like fuck you, I've been dealing with this shit for decades, I can tell the fucking difference). Also told me that I shouldn't only be taking the DZ (1 of them) before bed and taking gabapentin now (while the nurse the other day basically said take them as needed), but I think I'm going to do a slightly longer slower taper, and save gapentin for after (the nice thing about having the meds already is that you have control basically, they can only advise you).


DAY 5:

Medication update: tried gabapentin today for the first time, maybe I just have an atypical reaction to it but it's definitely a weird one, felt very druggy, almost a bit like I was stoned (mild euphoria, mixed with some anxiety, and general weird feeling - almost like mix of stimulation/sedation). Wasn't that effective at symptom relief either, though it mellowed out a bit after a couple hours. It wasn't a terrible evening but doesn't seem like something I'd want to take every day (let alone 3x a day), more like something you'd want to take once in a while to get high, lol.

Ugh, this middle of the night insomnia is getting worse. Woke up around 4am, wide awake and so restless I had to get up and pace around the room. Took an OTC sleeping pill but it did shit all. Still having a hard time even lying in bed trying to get back to sleep at all. It's kind of funny, for normal people sleep is great and refreshing, for me it's become the enemy; seems like every time I sleep (even napping) it resets my brain going a step backwards. I think this next stretch coming off the DZ's might be the toughest of this whole thing.


DAY 6:

Well back to this pretty crazy morning ramp up again (despite not getting a ton of sleep), kind of feel like I'm going backwards (though not quite as bad as the first couple days). Luckily I still have a DZ's left, took a third but it's not helping much. Will try to stick 2/3 today so that at least I'm reducing still. BP's pretty high so might take half a clonidine, which usually helps a bit as well. Also, as soon as people start activating the heating system in the building (even though I don't in my apartment) there's these constant strange sounds coming from the walls, and it's driving me fucking crazy.

Afternoon: The clonodine seems to have helped quite a bit. Strangely it seems almost more effective than gabapentin (though researching it, it does make sense; technically it's a blood pressure medication but it is also sometimes used to help manage opiate/alcohol/sedative withdrawal symptoms).

DAY 7:

Frustration, maybe the word for today. Managed to get about 5 hours sleep (in 2.5 hour increments) by splitting the half DZ (which I technically wasn't supposed to take) into quarters and taking the second in the middle of the night. Aside from the usual restlessness, the worst thing right now is this extreme irritability (I can feel it literally the instant I wake up). Irritability might not exactly be the right word for it, it's not the way a normal person would feel (a bit grump/snappy etc.), it's sort of dysphoria too maybe, but it's not just mental; it's almost like a physical sensation as well, like something is constantly gnawing at your bones, sometimes almost like your skin's on fire; it's extremely aggravating. I'm having strong cravings for something (ironically more for ktratom or diazepam than alcohol – basically symptom relief). I'm gonna give gabapentin one more shot.
Tried gabapentin again in the morning: Feeling weird, almost like I'm stoned, mild auditory hallucinations, occaisional anxiety. There is sort of a feeling of heaviness, but I'm still feeling kind of restless at the same time. Basically I'm sitting here feeling a bit restless but I also don't want to do anything. Feeling pretty of depressed and like I can barely function. It also isn't helping that much with the irritability / dysphoria feeling that I've had since waking up. Spent about half the morning just staring at my computer screen not even being able to decide what to do. The effect seemed to wear off after about 3 and half hours and I had some pretty bad rebound anxiety and restlessness. Took a ¼ diazepam and feeling a bit better now.


DAY 8:

Night and morning almost identical to day 7 (maybe just slightly better). Little less than a quarter DZ and half a clon helped me get through the morning and the (zoom) doctor's appointment, which went ok; got prescribed some new meds (acamprosate, and trazadone for sleep). Had an ok middle of the day with nice long walk down by the ocean. Tried the acamprosate and also a bit weird: gave me some anxiety and mild headache on the come up, but now feeling pretty relaxed but still a bit weird, not totally sure if I'll continue it. Will try the trazadone for sleep tonight, and maybe even a low dose in the day if the acamprosate continues to give me issues.


DAY 9:

Took an acamprosate last night, some anxiety (and mild headache) in the first hour or so then it leveled off and I felt not too bad for the rest of the evening. Half a Trazadone (25mg) didn't help much for sleep: after waking up after a couple hours, I did fall asleep a bit faster again; slept another 3 hours with the same extreme restlessness upon waking. After a bit of time up on the computer and feeling a bit sleepy again I was actually feeling pretty good, but eventually it got to the point where I had to take a nap.
Feeling not that great again now; took an acamprosate (as I was supposed to) and then a (timed) half hour nap, felt almost good/slightly manic initially when I woke up but now it's shifted into anxiety. Feels like I'm trading off irritability for anxiety. Acamprosate is supposed to take 5+ days to become effective but I don't think I'm going to continue it with the anxiety side effect being so pronounced.
A quarter DZ and a walk in the sun and I felt quite a bit better. Some restlessness and especially irritability returned after an (unavoidable) nap. Didn't want to take anymore acamprosate and was starting to feel a bit frustrated and discouraged... but a couple valerian root capsules really helped (it's interesting that a natural herb can seem to work better than prescribed meds). I've also ordered some chamomile capsules which I've heard can be very effective for sleep so may try those as well, if the trazadone continues not to work well.

[Mulburry]

Re: Detox

DAY 10:

Took the trazadone very early morning this time (instead of late at night) and managed to get another 4 hours sleep (7 total, by far the most I've slept in the last week or so). Also felt better in the morning/early afternoon than I have in a while (though that may have been partly due to the trazadone still in my system). I was going to say that today almost felt a bit like a turning point... but felt somewhat worse again in the late afternoon evening (1.5 valerian helped). So still feels like a bit of a roller coaster and I'm still pretty dependent on medication, but it does feel like there's some progress at least.


DAY 11-13

It seems like over the last few days the extreme (bad) hyperness / restlessness has subsided a bit, and it's morphed a bit more into just a general lousy feeling (irritable, a bit depressed, slightly anxious/restless). Getting a bit more sleep now (averaging about 6.5 hours a night), and the extreme restlessness in the middle of the night has gotten bit better as well. Medication-wise I've settled into a routine of half a trazadone in the middle of the night/early morning, small amount of clonodine and/or the last of the tiny specs of diazepam I have left (not sure if that's doing anything, might just be placebo) in the mid-moring and valerian in the late afternoon/early evening (down to 1 capsule now). Although it's probably not the best thing to stay on that routine for too long, I'm hesitant to change it up now as it seems to be helping (especially as we're getting into this rainy stretch which doesn't help with mood in general). Overall, it seems like there is some progress which is positive, but on the other hand it can be frustrating to feel lousy day after day, and it can start to wear down your resilience / determination a bit.