Please help, my brother is destroying my family

[isparkle]

Please help, my brother is destroying my family

Just to let you all know, I really appreciate your advice and support, My Dad stopped drinking after the accident which really has made the most amazing difference to everyone and everything in our lives…I guess he reached his rock bottom. My mother now has the support she needs to deal with my brothers drinking. Reading back over my post really reminds me of how bad things get, and how life goes on even when the situation is that bad and you can see no way out of it, things do get better, and time cures so much. My brother is still the same, briefly after Christmas he stopped going out drinking for about 4 weeks, and he gave no reason for this, and didn’t talk to anyone as to the reason. But now he is back the same. I moved out of home at Christmas and I am now engaged to a wonderful man. It’s so much easier being away from it all, and I don’t feel the same guilt as my father is now able to support my mother and she is not alone with this.
My fianc? was diagnosed with MS (multiple Sclerosis) two months ago and it has really put things in perspective for me. It is a truly heartbreaking thing to have a loved one diagnosed with a disease like this where we will not know the extent to which this is going to affect him and he has NO choice. I know can deal with it because no matter how bad things get, it will never be as bad as living with an alcoholic, where every day is unpredictable and you never feel safe or free from the constant worry. I hope that my brother sees the light soon before its too late but I know only he can change things and he HAS a choice to change.

[isparkle]

Please help, my brother is destroying my family

hi

Just to let you all know, I really appreciate your advice and support, My Dad stopped drinking after the accident which really has made the most amazing difference to everyone and everything in our lives?I guess he reached his rock bottom. My mother now has the support she needs to deal with my brothers drinking. Reading back over my post really reminds me of how bad things get, and how life goes on even when the situation is that bad and you can see no way out of it, things do get better, and time cures so much. My brother is still the same, briefly after Christmas he stopped going out drinking for about 4 weeks, and he gave no reason for this, and didn?t talk to anyone as to the reason. But now he is back the same. I moved out of home at Christmas and I am now engaged to a wonderful man. It?s so much easier being away from it all, and I don?t feel the same guilt as my father is now able to support my mother and she is now alone with this.
My fianc? was diagnosed with MS (multiple Sclerosis) a two months ago and it has really put things in perspective for me. It is a truly heartbreaking thing to have a loved one diagnosed with a disease like this where we will not know the extent to which this is going to affect him and he has NO choice. I know can deal with it because no matter how bad things get, it will never be as bad as living with an alcoholic, where every day is unpredictable and you never feel safe or free from the constant worry. I hope that my brother sees the light soon before its too late but I know only he can change things and he HAS a choice to change.

[petpeeve]

Please help, my brother is destroying my family

ISparkle. so glad to hear things are looking better for you....glad you checked in

[MyOwnWoman]

Please help, my brother is destroying my family

Hey isparkle,
I just read this thread tonight, and wowzers, did so much of it hit home. My parents were drinkers, my dad the worst and very angry and abusive, and I've spent so much of my life feeling responsible in some way for the ways that my dad's abuse messed up my brothers. I also for years suffered to see my younger brother take advantage of my mom's tolerance and guilt until the day she died.

I've also learned in the past few years that just as I have come to take responsibility for my own actions, choices and most significantly, my own path in life, so must my brother. He's a mess. But I long ago stopped feeling like I needed to 'fix' him, and recently stopped feeling guilty for letting go of the imagined responsibility.

It hurts like hell to watch our loved ones suffer and cause suffering to other loved ones. But we all must understand that while support is good and part of being human, it will be useless if the suffering one does nothing for himself.

Live your life, dear one.

[AMELIA]

Please help, my brother is destroying my family

Hi Isparkle,
Just noticed that you are back on line and on the site.
How is your fiance getting along with the MS? I hope you both are still happy.
Has the situation with your brother changed at all?
Thinking of you and your family.
X

[Evie.Lou]

Please help, my brother is destroying my family

I can not offer any better advise than has already been given but I can tell you that I have spent most of my adult life feeling responsible for my 2 alcoholic brothers and I will no longer let their behavior define ME....Take care of you !!!!! that is really the only thing we can do....

[brittzak]

Please help, my brother is destroying my family

My heart just aches for you. I have a cousin that is exactly like your brother...HOWEVER, he is now 7 months sober. But, he was doing the same things. Stayed drunk LITERALLY for 7 months straight his last binge. NO DOWN TIME AT ALL......he had stopped eating, got down to 99 lbs, didn't see his children ,etc.. His wake-up call....when my Aunt finally through him out. She was enabling him and as long as he had a roof he was gonna stay drunk. He was dying....he would be dead by now had she not made hom move out. He went to a homeless shelter. That is when he finally admitted to himself that he was in BIG trouble and went to rehab for 6 months. He had to hit bottom. It was the hardest thing my Aunt has ever done, but he was going to die in her house and possibly kill her too. He had gotten very violent.

[maddiva]

Please help, my brother is destroying my family

What can you do?

I read your thread this morning before I bathe to battle the day, this site provides me with a secret allie. I hope it does the same for you. My heart felt so sorry for you. I do understand. I was taken off my parents 35 years ago for their abuse of alcohol and mental health issues along with the other seven siblings!!! Dad died of it and mother was put in a mental hospital. She now is in a secure unit. So my heart went out to you. All but one of my siblings have serious alcohol issues. Not sure if it is learned behaviour or whether it is hereditary. My sister was chronic drinker and it was horrid to watch on the sidelines. Nothing you can say will stop this vicious cycle. I came to this site after I was searching incessantly for a cure for my drinking. I was the sibling concerned and then became as deeply affected by alcohol myself, drinking to numb myself, but it is a dangerous occupation.

Unless you can lock someone up, which may seem harsh and will only provide a temporary relief, for when they come out they may still go back to their old ways. There is not much you can do. The person needs to want to stop and I HATE THAT SAYING, but it is true. He sounds so depressed to me, but drinking is a depressant. It makes me so sad and frustrated. My sister was killed due to her drinking and I am still wracked with guilt that I did not stop her drinking cos it can take you into hell and with horrible, revolting people. I could not. It is that simple. We have life choices. We really do and all I would say is my thoughts are with you. I hope he has strength in himself to step out of the darkness and into the light. Sounds like I am a religious freak, but I am not. Alcohol Demon is a very dark presence in anyones life. Where there is life, there is hope. He is lucky he has such a supportive and understanding family. My thoughts are with you.:welcome::welcome: