I am just selfish

[Determinatrix]

This May I will be married to an alcohol dependent for 10yrs.
I feel lucky that I have been able to live such wonderful love, in spite of the myth of the happy marriage.

I am scared that we will not have another 10 years.
I am afraid that in another ten years I will be widowed after watching the love of my life slowly and violently leave me.

It really teaches you to love now. I am so lucky to have had ten years of wonderful love. Many live lifetimes having never experienced it.

I am just selfish. I want more than 10 years.

Dx

[Finding My Self]

I am just selfish

Dx....selfish? I've heard it said that wanting more is selfish.....all I can say is that this life time I am hoping to reach human level, not God-like! And human level is to appreciate the good things....as you are.....and have a little bit more of them.... There are quite a lot of 'not-so-human' folk in this world who don't seem to apprecate anything, however wonderful, and look for the negative in everything.....that's so not you....

I am so glad you have have 10 such lovely years and I pray and wish and will you to have another 10.....

Blessings and continued strength and joy to you both D and Dx.

Hugs
FMSxx

[Cinders]

I am just selfish

Dx,

As I sit here watching my 26 year old daughter's health decline purely from drinking, I know exactly what you are saying.

:l :l

Love,
Cindi

[Accountable for Me]

I am just selfish

Dx,

You have every right to be selfish. I know what it is like to love someone very much and watch them self destruct over and over again.

When I quit drinking, my husband did not. I actually had to leave because I did not want my daughter to watch him die. The condition he was in - it would take days to recover, only to have another, then another. It was so hard to watch since I became sober.

I have recently returned as you know, but I fear that if he goes on another bender - it could be his last.

I now know how the people who really love me felt, when I was drinking.

You are so much stronger than I am. I bailed, you stand strong by him.

I really hope that Determinator finds something within himself to finally decide he is worth so much more than this shit.

I am thinking of you both.

[southernbelle47]

I am just selfish

I don't think you are selfish at all.

I would say that you dearly love the guy and only want him with you for your whole life.

May God bless you and De.

:h Nancy

1 Corinthians 13

1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres

. 8

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

9

For we know in part and we prophesy in part,

10

but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

11

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

12

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Honey....Love yourself too. You are a sweetheart. We all love you.
I am so blessed by the fact that you are so strong to not "join " him to relieve some of your stress. Stay strong.

[secondchance]

I am just selfish

I'm gonna stick my 2 cents in here and hope I don't offend anyone, kay? DX, YOU are NOT being selfish, not one bit. It is us alcoholics that are selfish. We know the consequences of our drinking and how it affects and hurts others, yet we are so selfish we continue on because it makes us feel good.

As a child I would have given my right arm to have my Mom quit drinking. As it were, I gave up most of my childhood. How can an adult look into a childs pleading eyes, begging them to stop drinking and love them more than the poison they are ingesting, and just keep on drinking? That is how strong of a hold this poison has over us. If you are not addicted yourself, it is inconceivable to understand.

That being said, I refuse as an adult to become that attached to anyone for fear of being let down again. Yes, I love my husband, but I have witnessed first hand how alcohol can sometimes come before anything else, and I refuse to be hurt like that again. Once in this lifetime was enough for me. So, I understand your pain and your feeling of helplessness, because unless and until Det decides to stop this madness, there is nothing you can do.

My heart goes out to both of you. From one who has been on both sides of the fence. t.

[memarcie]

I am just selfish

DX, I wouldn't say selfish either. It isn't selfish to want Det to get better so you can spend the rest of your life together. I feel selfish myself for spending a good 3 years of my marriage drinking excessively. Rather than enjoying my husband and our life together I chose alcohol over him. Not deliberately, but I regret it.

BTW, I will also be married 10 years in May. May 29th is mine and hubby's anniversary!

[SKendall]

I am just selfish

Dx, you are not selfish, you are just hopeful for an end to this.

As you can see from these boards, we are intelligent, compassionate human beings who will resort to alcohol for some relief from our demons.

Nobody knows the answer or cure, other than total abstinence.

Hilary

[Determinatrix]

I am just selfish

FMS - thank you for your optimism. I am just not done with Det yet.

Cindi - I am so sorry about your daughter. You need to take care of yourself so that you can take care of her.

AFM - you did not bail. You merely took a 'leave of absence.' I hope things are working out for you. When is your Nana's birthday? Hope she likes her card.

Nancy - thank you for the reminder that faith, hope and love are all that I need. You always seemto know how to make me feel better.

tk - I know there is nothing I can do. It feels very helpless. I am not a good damsel in distress. I only wish I was not so lacking in the ability to inspire him to want a happier healthier longer life.

Marcie - our anniversary is May 30. Wow! What do you have planned to celebrate?

Thank you all for letting me feel like I belong here. I know I am different. I know there are things that I will never understand. I appreciate your strong shoulders.

Dx

[Determinatrix]

I am just selfish

SKendall - you are right. So many here are so smart and loving.
I'm sorry you are having a hard time with what is happening with your son.
I am sure it feels so unfair. Sending you a hug :l

Dx

[memarcie]

I am just selfish

We got married on a Friday, how cool you were the day after! We dont have any plans yet. We have been talking either going to a bed and breakfast for the weekend or else maybe going to Chicago to some museums etc.

How about you and Det? Anything planned?

[Bella]

I am just selfish

You are not selfish D.....you are wonderful. I have read how supportive you are on this site. X

[janka]

I am just selfish

Dx, you are one remarkable and incredible woman! I am so sorry you (and Det) are suffering, but too will pass. Saying prayers for you and Det for happier and healthy times ahead, j

[Dolly Sunshine]

I am just selfish

DX you are probably one of the classiest people I have ever not met. You are not selfish. We alcoholics are as was stated. I never intend or want to hurt anyone but I do. It is an awful affliction that I would not wish on my worst enemy. Just know he loves you but at times he loves alcohol more.

[Determinatrix]

I am just selfish

Marcie - we are going to Alaska! I have always wanted to go and am so excited.

Bella- how are you? How is your beautiful baby?

Janka - thank you. I appreciate your kind words.

DollyS - I don't think I have ever not met you too. Why are you bitchy today?

I love this place. You all make me feel better. And Det is getting slowly better too. He did not drink yesterday. He seemed more conscious than unconcious. I am so glad he is coming back to me.
Dx