I can't post on here

[Janice]

I've been at MWO since May last year. I usually post on newbies in Starting Out but sometimes jump around. This site has been a lifeline for me during a very difficult year, one in which I lost my dear dad whose last few years were made very unhappy because of mam's drinking.

Don't know why but this is one forum I find hard to post on. Several times I've started typing my story here about mam's drinking and the effect its had on my family over the last 10-15 years and every time I have to delete it........maybe its because there's too much history, it would take too long to explain, maybe its because I still feel so raw about how she treated Dad right up to his death last year and maybe its because I know I have my own "problem". Yes, I am a "family member affected by drinking" but I also drink. I am here at MWO because I don't want to see my daughter sitting here in 30 years time, in the same position as me, wondering what happened to her mam and grieving for her and her love even though physically she is still in this world and couldn't give a damn about anyone or anything. I miss you mam. I miss you too Dad.

Janice

[lorisunshine]

I can't post on here

Janice,
I am thinking about you. Perhaps it will help to get all your thoughts written down. This is all about you, so don't hesitate to share what you perhaps cannot share anyplace else.

Wishing you all the best,
Lori:h :h :h :h

[southernbelle47]

I can't post on here

Dear Janice,
:l s sent your way. It is hard not to be bitter, isn't it?
My mom has been gone since 1996 and I've come to the place where I've forgiven her for some things. Not for her sake but for my own mental , spiritual and physical health. She was not a drinker but not very emotionally available for me. She said and did some hard things, many of which she didn't even realize were so hurtful.
Do you write in a journal? I've found that I can be very truthfull in mine. It helps to get it out and see it on paper. There is a site SMART Recovery?
that has some "tools" to help you work through negitive thoughts.
I've been using the ABC from there to do it on paper and it seens to work for me...in many areas of my life. I'm like her in being too negitive and using words like coulda, shoulda, woulda.....
Struggles make us "bitter" or "better"....Work through it for yourself and then reach out and help someone else with it.
Love
:h Nancy

[Determinatrix]

I can't post on here

Hi Janice,

I appreciate your sharing here. We have many members who have the experience of having an alcohol dependent parent and/or have seen their dependency passed onto their children. So much to learn here and so much support.

Hope you share more soon,
Dx

[Guest]

I can't post on here

Awww Janice :l

We`re here for you........always will be. You don`t need to fill in all the blanks for newbies if you don`t feel up to it.......am sure each of them would understand. Stay with us.......there are a whole lot of people here who think very highly of you, Janice.......I`m just one of them.

Starlight Impress xxx

[tea]

I can't post on here

Hi Janice, just post what you feel, there is no pressure to 'tell your story' or anything at all that you don't feel like saying. I have been here nearly a year and am still a 'closed book' for want of a better expression. I post when I want to safe and secure in the knowledge that that is all that is required here. Stick around Janice.

Lx

[Janice]

I can't post on here

Thanks for the encouragement everyone - just what I needed to hear, thanks. I accept now that I can't change things with mam, thats the way it is from now on. I used to think I could turn things around for them, thats why they always came to me when there was trouble. There was always something we could try next..... The new year was a turning point for me in that I am trying to be more positive, take time to smell the roses so to speak and be grateful for what I DO have in this world, a fantastic husband and two great kids and a lovely home. I am also so grateful for finding this site and you guys.......love Janicexxx